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Cricket

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31 Re: Cricket on Mon Jan 18 2016, 10:40

wanderlust

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Was Skyping my cousin in Durban yesterday and asked if she needed me to bring anything for them that they can't get in South Africa when I visit next month. Her husband was visibly twitching when I suggested a cricket team. Now this blokes a biker who has little or no interest in cricket, but it's clearly a matter of national pride so if anyone has any spare "South Africa are shit at cricket" jokes I can take with me I'd welcome any contributions.

32 Re: Cricket on Mon Jan 18 2016, 10:42

Guest


Guest
Q: Where do South Africa batsmen perform their best? 
A: In advertisements 
Joke #19 
Q: What do you call a South African who can hold a catch? 
A: A fisherman. 
Joke #18 
Q: What is the difference between Cinderella and the South Africa cricket team? 
A: Cinderella knew when to leave the ball. 
Joke #17 
Q: What is the main function of the South Africa coach? 
A: To transport the team from the hotel to the ground. 
Joke #16 
Q: Who has the easiest job in the South Africa squad? 
A: The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats. 

Joke #15 
Q: What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet? 
A: The entire South Africa team innings. 
Joke #14 
Q: Did you hear why the South Africa Cricket team does not have a website? 
A: They cannot string three Ws together. 
Joke #13 
Q: What is the South African version of LBW? 
A: Lost, Beaten, Walloped. 
Joke #12 
Q: What is the South Africa version of a hat trick? 
A: Three runs in three balls. 
Joke #11 
Q: What do you call a world-class South Africa cricketer? 
A: Retired. 

Joke #10 
Q: What does a South Africa batsman have in common with Michael Jackson? 
A: They both wore gloves for no apparent reason. 
Joke #9 
Q: Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone on the South Africa cricket team? 
A: The woman who irons their cricket whites. 
Joke #8 
Q: What is the height of optimism? 
A: A South Africa batsman putting on sunscreen. 
Joke #7 
Q: The South Africa bobsleigh team have asked the South Africa cricket team for a meeting. 
A: They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast! 
Joke #6 
Q: What do you call a South Africa player with a bottle of Champagne? 
A: A waiter. 

Joke #5 
Q: What do you call a South African with 100 runs against his name? 
A: A bowler. 
Joke #4 
Q: What is the difference between a South Africa batsman and a Formula 1 car? 
A: Nothing! If you blink you will miss them both. 
Joke #3 
Q: What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by South Africa batsmen? 
A: The walk back to the pavilion. 
Joke #2 
Q: What do South Africa batsmen and drug addicts have in common? 
A: Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from. 
Joke #1 
Q: Why are South Africa cricketers cleverer than Houdini? 
A: Because they can get out without even trying. 

33 Re: Cricket on Mon Jan 18 2016, 10:47

Bwfc1958

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Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
Very Happy

That should be more than enough to tide you over Lusty. Might also get you twatted as well but don't let that get in the way.

34 Cricket. on Fri Mar 18 2016, 17:28

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Guest
How the feck did we just pull that off?

Not that I'm complaining, obviously.

35 Re: Cricket on Fri Mar 18 2016, 18:52

Reebok Trotter

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Biggest run rate in the history of the tournament no less.

36 Re: Cricket on Fri Mar 18 2016, 19:21

Guest


Guest
We should all be very proud of our Irish, Zimbawean, Kiwi, English lads tonight.

37 Re: Cricket on Fri Mar 18 2016, 20:33

Copper Dragon

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Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo
I know that most of us like our proper cricket but that was pure drama and very exciting to watch.

Little Joe Root with a scooping six.  afro

38 Re: Cricket on Fri Mar 18 2016, 23:58

Hip Priest

avatar
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
Astonishing. The reports on Talkshite were ridiculing England's awful bowling performance and lamenting the fact that we were out of the tournament before it had even started. We were about 89 for 4 chasing 230. So I switched the radio off and never gave the match another thought. When they announced on the 7-30 news that England had won I was totally gobsmacked. Not really my type of cricket but I'll deffo be watching the highlights tonight.

39 Re: Cricket on Sat Mar 19 2016, 00:24

Guest


Guest
The bowling and field changes were poor.

Topley looked like a club bowler and when he dropped that catch it was obvious his head had gone.

Hope he comes back and does some damage.

Captain Morgan looked bereft of ideas after about 20 minutes when they were something like 90 for 2 with about 16 overs left.


All looked lost - I'd given up.

229 to win.

Great start from Roy and Hales but then it went a bit south for a bit with too many singles and twos.

But then suddenly they realised that we'd be the first Test Playing team to be eliminated and we got some massive shots, supported by Root's guile.

Right into the stands....For six.

We won't win it but they proved tonight that the batting line up can deliver.

40 Re: Cricket on Wed Mar 30 2016, 17:25

Sluffy

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Admin
England walking the semi 36 off 40 balls needed but just lost two quick wickets.

Radio commentary here -

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/live/cricket/35722502

41 Re: Cricket on Wed Mar 30 2016, 17:43

Sluffy

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Admin
Easy win in the end - now for the final against either the West Indies or India.

42 Re: Cricket on Wed Mar 30 2016, 23:09

Guest


Guest
Very impressed with the team performance today.

I've never rated Chris Jordan and have openly questioned why he's in the side before now but his ability to bowl it on a sixpence today was exceptional.

Clever bowling too.

It shows a maturity in the team's thinking and suggests that Morgan knows what he's doing afterall.

Slainte mhath, Owen........ Very Happy

43 Re: Cricket on Thu Mar 31 2016, 10:09

okocha

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Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
I have to admit that Jordan has improved his bowling with the white ball way more than I thought was possible. Surely still not test match standard though.

It seems to me that Morgan himself is the team's biggest weakness; far too inconsistent.

The team is doing brilliantly overall. Transformed over the last 12 months. Can we win the final?

44 Re: Cricket on Thu Mar 31 2016, 10:55

wanderlust

avatar
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
It's clear how improved the team is when they select T20  specialists so there's no point in comparing them with Test Match players as only a handful e.g. Root can excel at multiple formats. T20 is a different game and this team has a real chance of winning the competition.

45 Re: Cricket on Sun Apr 03 2016, 16:32

Guest


Guest
5-2.

Gayle gone.

Game fecking on....!

46 Re: Cricket on Sun Apr 03 2016, 17:01

boltonbonce

avatar
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
This is to cricket,what Rolf Harris is to Art.

47 Re: Cricket on Sun Apr 03 2016, 18:09

Guest


Guest
Thats how to win a cricket match.

48 Re: Cricket on Sun Apr 03 2016, 18:40

Guest


Guest
Barb Dwyer wrote:Thats how to win a cricket match.

Agreed.

Gutted......but in full agreement.

49 Re: Cricket on Sun Apr 03 2016, 18:41

Norpig

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John McGinlay
John McGinlay
should have been in the bag with 19 needed from 6

50 Re: Cricket on Sun Apr 03 2016, 19:22

Guest


Guest
It was 4 terrible balls though, only way it would have been easier was if he tossed it to him underarm.

51 Re: Cricket on Sun Apr 03 2016, 19:28

Norpig

avatar
John McGinlay
John McGinlay
Stokes is usually so good at bowling the last over as well, maybe it should have been Willey or Jordan but hindsight is a wonderful thing

52 Re: Cricket on Mon Apr 04 2016, 12:08

wanderlust

avatar
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Brilliant match, close all the way through and a great ending. Stokes should have learned after the first ball though.

53 Re: Cricket on Mon Apr 04 2016, 15:26

Natasha Whittam

avatar
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Love the way no one in the media or around the England team has stated the bloody obvious - Stokes bottled the last over like no one has ever bottled an over before.

This is a highly paid professional who bowled like a schoolboy. He definitely deserves the Chris Brunt treatment.

54 Re: Cricket on Mon Apr 04 2016, 15:34

Norpig

avatar
John McGinlay
John McGinlay
i don't think he deserved coining Nat, bit harsh but he did bottle it. Why he didn't try a yorker or a short delivery is beyond me. If he'd chinned Samuels he would have redeemed himself as he is a big mouth clown

55 Re: Cricket on Mon Apr 04 2016, 16:06

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Norpig wrote:i don't think he deserved coining Nat

He did. He's a big time Charlie who let the whole country down. When Beckham got sent off at the 98 world cup he received death threats and abuse for months.

I've just posted my death threat to:

Ben Stokes
Big Time Charlie Bottler
England

I trust Royal Mail will deliver it swiftly.

56 Re: Cricket on Mon Apr 04 2016, 16:12

Norpig

avatar
John McGinlay
John McGinlay
Natasha Whittam wrote:
Norpig wrote:i don't think he deserved coining Nat

He did. He's a big time Charlie who let the whole country down. When Beckham got sent off at the 98 world cup he received death threats and abuse for months.

I've just posted my death threat to:

Ben Stokes
Big Time Charlie Bottler
England

I trust Royal Mail will deliver it swiftly.
Laughing

57 Re: Cricket on Mon Apr 04 2016, 16:52

Reebok Trotter

avatar
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Four sixes off one over is still a big ask but credit to the Windies for giving it large and making it a nerve jangling finish.

58 Re: Cricket on Thu May 19 2016, 14:16

Sluffy

avatar
Admin
England 83-5 after being 49-0 on the first day against Sri Lanka.

The summer as finally arrived then!

59 Re: Cricket on Thu May 19 2016, 14:56

Guest


Guest
Just been discussing this with a bloke at work.

Why do we always lose the first test of the summer?

It's a mental thing, surely?

60 Re: Cricket on Fri Jun 24 2016, 19:59

boltonbonce

avatar
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
England v Sri Lanka looks interesting.

At the moment some blokes in banana costumes are being chased by a bloke in a gorilla suit.

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