Whoever runs the facebook account

Quotes from various letters to the Council.

"I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."
"Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence."
"I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off."
"The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?"
"I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall."
"Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."
"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
"Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother."
"I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers."
"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared."
"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."
"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces."
"Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away."
"I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much."
"The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."
"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it."
"I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."
"Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife."
"I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction."
"We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house."
"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2."

Sorry if this is off topic,but I was getting bored.

Sluffy wrote:

Boggersbelief wrote:Basically what you're telling me is you are rather paranoid.

No, what I'm saying is that I very much doubt you are a 23 year old Bolton fan.

Yes, based on nothing.

I would say here that since boggers and Scott have come back they have added to the site and not started any exchanges or conflicts, so the fact this coming back keeps happening is agendas against them rather than getting on with it and seeing how it goes.
The main 3 people who keep bringing it to everything are pig, Johnny and bread but others have as well, for Christ sake get on with it or do one,

Boggersbelief wrote:

Sluffy wrote:

Boggersbelief wrote:Basically what you're telling me is you are rather paranoid.

No, what I'm saying is that I very much doubt you are a 23 year old Bolton fan.

Yes, based on nothing.

That's why I used the word 'doubt'.



This is getting rather pathetic now.

It's spoiling the site for everyone else.

Sluffy wrote:

Boggersbelief wrote:

Sluffy wrote:

Boggersbelief wrote:Basically what you're telling me is you are rather paranoid.

No, what I'm saying is that I very much doubt you are a 23 year old Bolton fan.

Yes, based on nothing.

That's why I used the word 'doubt'.



This is getting rather pathetic now.

It's spoiling the site for everyone else.

Quit accusing me then.

Boggersbelief wrote:

Sluffy wrote:

Boggersbelief wrote:

Sluffy wrote:

Boggersbelief wrote:Basically what you're telling me is you are rather paranoid.

No, what I'm saying is that I very much doubt you are a 23 year old Bolton fan.

Yes, based on nothing.

That's why I used the word 'doubt'.



This is getting rather pathetic now.

It's spoiling the site for everyone else.

Quit accusing me then.

Doubt is not an accusation, it is an opinion.



Now can we please pack this shit in.

boltonbonce wrote:Quotes from various letters to the Council.

"I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."
"Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence."
"I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off."
"The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?"
"I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall."
"Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."
"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
"Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother."
"I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers."
"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared."
"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."
"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces."
"Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away."
"I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much."
"The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."
"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it."
"I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."
"Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife."
"I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction."
"We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house."
"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2."

Sorry if this is off topic,but I was getting bored.

Some good ones there Boncey!

Sluffy wrote:

Boggersbelief wrote:

Sluffy wrote:

Boggersbelief wrote:

Sluffy wrote:

Boggersbelief wrote:Basically what you're telling me is you are rather paranoid.

No, what I'm saying is that I very much doubt you are a 23 year old Bolton fan.

Yes, based on nothing.

That's why I used the word 'doubt'.



This is getting rather pathetic now.

It's spoiling the site for everyone else.

Quit accusing me then.

Doubt is not an accusation, it is an opinion.



Now can we please pack this shit in.

Yes seconded, bin it.

Let's get back to sanity.

Now,about the ST............

boltonbonce wrote:Quotes from various letters to the Council.

"I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."
"Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence."
"I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off."
"The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?"
"I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall."
"Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."
"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
"Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother."
"I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers."
"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared."
"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."
"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces."
"Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away."
"I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much."
"The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."
"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it."
"I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."
"Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife."
"I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction."
"We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house."
"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2."

Sorry if this is off topic,but I was getting bored.

These funnies remind me of Jasper Carrott's sketch based on motor insurance claims....and made me laugh just as much! Good stuff, Bonce. 

This sort of thing is why most of us enjoy the site, keep coming back to read what's here, and just pass by and ignore the inane squabbles.

My only reflection on the main thrust of this thread is that Bread often contributes similarly amusing material and can also put forward thoughtful, interesting (and passionate) views on current affairs. It would be a shame to lose quality of this type at the expense of giving space to vacuous empty vessels.

okocha wrote:It would be a shame to lose quality of this type at the expense of giving space to vacuous empty vessels.

I've had enough of you singling me out.

Let's all have a cup of tea,and a digestive biscuit.

I could offer you some Jaffa Cakes,but my source is dubious.

whatsgoingon wrote:I would say here that since boggers and Scott have come back they have added to the site and not started any exchanges or conflicts, so the fact this coming back keeps happening is agendas against them rather than getting on with it and seeing how it goes.
The main 3 people who keep bringing it to everything are pig, Johnny and bread but others have as well, for Christ sake get on with it or do one,

 with the greatest respect WGO you know nowt about whats gone on in the past with Boggers and Scott so stopping sticking your oar in

Norpig wrote: with the greatest respect WGO you know nowt about whats gone on in the past with Boggers and Scott so stopping sticking your oar in

Bloody Norpig, always trying to start a fight.

you want some as well? 

Nat is the Dorothy Parker of Nuts.
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I'll take all of you at half-time next Saturday.

Natasha Whittam wrote:I'll take all of you at half-time next Saturday.

I'll still be queuing for a pee.

Norpig wrote:

whatsgoingon wrote:I would say here that since boggers and Scott have come back they have added to the site and not started any exchanges or conflicts, so the fact this coming back keeps happening is agendas against them rather than getting on with it and seeing how it goes.
The main 3 people who keep bringing it to everything are pig, Johnny and bread but others have as well, for Christ sake get on with it or do one,

 with the greatest respect WGO you know nowt about whats gone on in the past with Boggers and Scott so stopping sticking your oar in

That's in the past. He clearly says that since "boggers and Scott have come back"

that would make for some half time entertainment