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The dreaded snip...

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31 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 15:09

Norpig

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John McGinlay
John McGinlay
whats true? The bit about 58 being young or me being a has-been?  Very Happy

32 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 15:17

xmiles

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Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo
I had the snip years ago. Local anaesthetic. No pain but you are aware of some sensation. Walked out immediately afterwards and went home. Some discomfort for a couple of days but no adverse effects at all.

We had two kids, were sure we didn't want any more and I agreed with my wife that it wasn't a good idea for her to keep taking the pill indefinitely. No regrets.

33 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 15:51

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Norpig wrote:whats true? The bit about 58 being young or me being a has-been?  Very Happy

I think you've still got some years left in you. Keep dreaming the dream, one day they might promote you to bog washer.

34 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 15:57

Norpig

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John McGinlay
John McGinlay
a man can dream Nat  Very Happy

35 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:00

Reebok Trotter

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Bwfc1958 wrote:
Reebok Trotter wrote:I had my nuts nobbled back in 97. We decided we didn't want anymore kids and that was that. I had a local at Altrincham General and my father-in-law drove me home afterwards. I had it done on a Friday and I was back in work on Monday. I recommended the op to a work colleague who had two daughters and didn't want anymore, so he took my advice and got booked in. ( I wont tell you what happened until after you have been neutered 58! )
Make sure you take some earphones so you can listen to music while your knackers are knitted. I didn't and I wished I had. 
I have been a seedless Jaffa for twenty years now and it never did me any harm.
Paint me a picture RT. From walking in there to walking out. Also, can you feel anything whilst it's happening?
Okay..here goes! I was absolutely dreading the whole process. I'm not squeemish and I don't mind the sight of blood as long as it's not my own. I was almost forty so further children were not an option. On the day I drove to Altrincham General with my father-in-law in tow to drive me home. I had opted for a local simply because I had a work colleague who couldn't face being awake so he had a general and they put him to sleep. From what he said, they butchered him and he was off work for a week.
Anyway I was greeted by a very pretty young nurse who told me she would be assisting Doctor Muckygee and she gave me a hospital gown and pointed to a cubicle to get changed. Shortly after the Asian Doc introduced himself and I was led to the operating theatre. Any amorous or erotic thoughts of getting your wedding tackle out in front of a pretty nurse are non-existent. The thought of the op makes most men adopt the maggotcock position! Anyway the Doc examined my plums to make sure they were both healthy and then he told me he was going to inject my nads with anaesthetic to numb them. This is the worst bit because the needle bloody stings as it enters the fruit of your plums. It's pretty much the same as when you go to the dentist and he injects your gums. Once the novocaine has kicked in then you don't feel a thing. Anyway within five minutes my nads were numb and he then used a scalpel to cut into my gonads to locate my tubes. You can feel what he is doing but it is painless and all over in a few minutes. My only regret was not taking some music to listen to, which they advise you to do. While you are lying on the operating table you can see everything reflected in the silver theatre lights and I wished I had brought some music to listen to instead of listening to my balls being butchered.
Anyway, to cut a long story short I was done and dusted within 15 minutes. The stitches dissolved within a week and I have never had any problems whatsoever. You will receive two small bottles which you must return to the hospital with a sperm sample. If you ignore this request they will keep badgering you until you do because until those two separate samples have been analysed they have no way of knowing if the op was a success.
In my case, the doctor was very competent and had obviously carried out the operation hundreds of times. However, a work colleague, who I recommended wasn't so lucky! I don't want to put you off what is a relatively simple procedure but just occasionally things don't always run smoothly, as my mate can testify!



Last edited by Reebok Trotter on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:04; edited 1 time in total

36 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:04

Norpig

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John McGinlay
John McGinlay
thats put me off for definite, i don't want anyone injecting my balls while i'm still awake

37 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:06

Reebok Trotter

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
No way around it I'm afraid! It stings like hell but it is bearable. The alternative is being put to sleep which generally involves an overnight stay in hospital.

38 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:10

Reebok Trotter

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
I can remember the good doctor telling me that the only side effects would be a bit of pain and some swelling for a couple of days. I asked him if he could give me something for the pain but leave the swelling! Sadly he didn't get my little joke.

39 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:15

Reebok Trotter

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
okocha wrote:I think Trotter must have had his balls injected with anaesthetic, given his movement on the pitch....

i wonder if the syringe was filled with Bromide by mistake?  Very Happy

40 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:19

Bwfc1958

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Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
I'm in two minds. On the one hand it doesn't sound too bad but on the other hand having someone inject my bollocks and take to them with a scalpel just makes me feel faint. I feel a bit more confident knowing there's a few on here who've had it done with no problems. However, whether you explain your mate's story or not, it's quite clear something went seriously awry RT. You might as well bloody tell us anyway!

41 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:30

Bread2.0

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Andy Walker
Andy Walker
Just so we're clear, they don't actually chop your balls up with a scalpel.

They make a small incision in your scrotum and then snip the tubes which serve as conduits for your "fluid" between Boggers and Scott and your Whittam.

It really is minor surgery.

42 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:33

Bwfc1958

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Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
Bread2.0 wrote:Just so we're clear, they don't actually chop your balls up with a scalpel.

They make a small incision in your scrotum and then snip the tubes which serve as conduits for your "fluid" between Boggers and Scott and your Whittam.

It really is minor surgery.
I really wish you wouldn't put Boggers, Scott and Whittam in the same sentence as my scrotum.

43 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:35

boltonbonce

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Don'y worry 58. I've performed the op many times with only a few mishaps. I'll see you right.
Get in touch with the bird at my surgery thingy,and she'll stick you on the list.

44 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:38

xmiles

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Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo
It was a long time ago but honestly the injections were not that bad. The oddest thing about the whole procedure is that you can feel them pulling the vas deferens as they cut and seal it but it isn't actually painful just a bit weird.

45 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:39

Bwfc1958

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Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
boltonbonce wrote:Don'y worry 58. I've performed the op many times with only a few mishaps. I'll see you right.
Get in touch with the bird at my surgery thingy,and she'll stick you on the list.

46 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:41

Bwfc1958

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Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
xmiles wrote:It was a long time ago but honestly the injections were not that bad. The oddest thing about the whole procedure is that you can feel them pulling the vas deferens as they cut and seal it but it isn't actually painful just a bit weird.
How many people in the room though? Seems a bit weird having a bunch of people looking at your meat and two veg.

47 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:52

Reebok Trotter

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Bwfc1958 wrote:I'm in two minds. On the one hand it doesn't sound too bad but on the other hand having someone inject my bollocks and take to them with a scalpel just makes me feel faint. I feel a bit more confident knowing there's a few on here who've had it done with no problems. However, whether you explain your mate's story or not, it's quite clear something went seriously awry RT. You might as well bloody tell us anyway!
What happened to my mate was a freak set of circumstances but don't say I didn't warn you. I recommended the op to him and told him exactly what would happen. He also had the same GP as me and he was put at ease after chatting to him. They also warn you of the pitfalls of divorce and the possibility you may wish to remarry and have further children. Ultimately the decision is down to you.
We both lived in Urmston at the time and my mate opted for a local the same as me. He was extremely nervous and dreading the whole business. When his appointment came through it was at Trafford General Hospital in Urmston less than a mile from where he lived. On the day he turns up and is met by the female nurse  who tells him he is second in line. He is sat in the waiting room when out comes the nurse and her white smock is covered in blood looking like a butchers apron! My mate faints in the waiting room! When he comes round the nurse is on the phone to her husband asking him to bring her a fresh smock from home as there has been a slight accident! She then tells my mate that he has absolutely nothing to worry but basically the Doctor carrying out the operation that day is a trainee Doctor from Spain and this is is first day carrying out the vasectomy procedure! That didn't fill my mate with confidence! Anyway a few minutes later in walks another work colleague with a clean nurses smock! It turns out that the nurse was married to one of our work colleagues as well! Now my mate wasn't keen that a colleagues wife had seen his todger especially as he was a quivering wreck and she would no doubt tell her husband what a wimp he was when she got home that night.
She kindly explained to my mate that all that had happened was that when the good doctor was cutting the patients nutsack with his scalpel he had nicked a blood vessel which resulted in a blood spurt which landed on her top. As there were a number of operations that day she couldn't possibly wear a blood stained top as it wasn't good for business! 
Shortly after the first patient comes out and the way he's walking gingerly makes my mate think the bloke has stuck his Todger in a blender by mistake. 
Armed with a clean white top my mate is summonsed to go in and by this time he's a quivering wreck!
It gets worse but I have to nip out on a wee job. I'll be back later but please don't be put off by what I have told you so far! Very Happy

48 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:53

okocha

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Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
I gather you can opt to have the procedure under hypnosis, 58. Perhaps that will calm you sufficiently.... pale

49 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:56

Reebok Trotter

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Bwfc1958 wrote:
xmiles wrote:It was a long time ago but honestly the injections were not that bad. The oddest thing about the whole procedure is that you can feel them pulling the vas deferens as they cut and seal it but it isn't actually painful just a bit weird.
How many people in the room though? Seems a bit weird having a bunch of people looking at your meat and two veg. 
Nobody sees your tackle in the waiting room! You are all fully dressed, no different than visiting the dentist. You don't get undressed until you go into the operating theatre and the only two people who get to see your crown jewels are the Doc and the nurse. Just two and that's it.

50 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 16:58

boltonbonce

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Reebok Trotter wrote:
Bwfc1958 wrote:
xmiles wrote:It was a long time ago but honestly the injections were not that bad. The oddest thing about the whole procedure is that you can feel them pulling the vas deferens as they cut and seal it but it isn't actually painful just a bit weird.
How many people in the room though? Seems a bit weird having a bunch of people looking at your meat and two veg. 
Nobody sees your tackle in the waiting room! You are all fully dressed, no different than visiting the dentist. You don't get undressed until you go into the operating theatre and the only two people who get to see your crown jewels are the Doc and the nurse. Just two and that's it.
Bloody hell. So that's it.

Wondered why I got funny looks as I picked out my magazine.

51 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 17:01

Bread2.0

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Andy Walker
Andy Walker
Bwfc1958 wrote:
xmiles wrote:It was a long time ago but honestly the injections were not that bad. The oddest thing about the whole procedure is that you can feel them pulling the vas deferens as they cut and seal it but it isn't actually painful just a bit weird.
How many people in the room though? Seems a bit weird having a bunch of people looking at your meat and two veg.

I found a lump on one of mine once so I got referred to Townley's for a scan.

And I shit thee not, it was Training Day in the Ultrasound Suite and I was asked if I minded 6 students from Salford Uni being in the room.

You can't really say no can you because you'd look like a soft arse if you did, so I agreed.

But.....

I thought they'd all be looking at the screen but it turned out to be a bit more interactive than that, as I discovered when they all formed an orderly queue to squeeze my left bollock and say "Ah, yes.....there it is."

I felt truly violated.....

52 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 17:11

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
You can't stop there. What happened with the lump?

53 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 17:17

Bread2.0

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Andy Walker
Andy Walker
Nothing more than a harmless calcified deposit apparently. 

Quite common.

Sorry to disappoint.

Heads up though (not you Whittam for obvious reasons), the doctor did say to me that 90% of cancerous growths appear on the inner sides of your spuds, sort of in the middle, so if you ever feel anything in that region, get thee to a quack post haste, gentlemen.

54 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 18:30

xmiles

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Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo
Reebok Trotter wrote:
Bwfc1958 wrote:
xmiles wrote:It was a long time ago but honestly the injections were not that bad. The oddest thing about the whole procedure is that you can feel them pulling the vas deferens as they cut and seal it but it isn't actually painful just a bit weird.
How many people in the room though? Seems a bit weird having a bunch of people looking at your meat and two veg. 
Nobody sees your tackle in the waiting room! You are all fully dressed, no different than visiting the dentist. You don't get undressed until you go into the operating theatre and the only two people who get to see your crown jewels are the Doc and the nurse. Just two and that's it.

Just the nurse and doctor as RT says.

55 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 18:34

Norpig

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John McGinlay
John McGinlay
if Mrs Pig insists on me having it done i'm having a general, i don't care if that makes me a soft arse  pale

56 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 18:43

Reebok Trotter

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Right then...so my mate goes in and Doctor Escobar jabs his plums. Once the novocaine has kicked in, the doc makes a small scalpel slice in one of his nads and proceeds to retrieve the inner tube with a bit of kit that looks like a crochet needle. All was going fine until the scalpel went into the second nut and my mate sat up in agony causing the doc to make a much bigger incision than was initially planned. It turns out the doc had put too much novocaine in one nut and not enough in the other! My mate then had to have a second injection in the nut that was lacking before the doc could tie up his tubes. By the time the op was complete my mate wasn't feeling too good but worse was to come. Next morning his plums had morphed into pomegranates and he could hardly sit down. Also his stitches in the second nut had split. He went to see our GP who immediately sent him back to hospital. It turned out he had picked up a bug/infection and he was put on a strong course of antibiotics and was off work for over a week.
So 58, make sure you get a seasoned pro to perform your tube tangling theatrics.

57 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 18:44

xmiles

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Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo
Reebok Trotter wrote:Right then...so my mate goes in and Doctor Escobar jabs his plums. Once the novocaine has kicked in, the doc makes a small scalpel slice in one of his nads and proceeds to retrieve the inner tube with a bit of kit that looks like a crochet needle. All was going fine until the scalpel went into the second nut and my mate sat up in agony causing the doc to make a much bigger incision than was initially planned. It turns out the doc had put too much novocaine in one nut and not enough in the other! My mate then had to have a second injection in the nut that was lacking before the doc could tie up his tubes. By the time the op was complete my mate wasn't feeling too good but worse was to come. Next morning his plums had morphed into pomegranates and he could hardly sit down. Also his stitches in the second nut had split. He went to see our GP who immediately sent him back to hospital. It turned out he had picked up a bug/infection and he was put on a strong course of antibiotics and was off work for over a week.
So 58, make sure you get a seasoned pro to perform your tube tangling theatrics.

Shocked affraid

58 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 18:51

Norpig

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John McGinlay
John McGinlay
You're not really selling this very well RT  Shocked

59 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 19:05

Bwfc1958

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Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
I suddenly feel a bit faint again....

60 Re: The dreaded snip... on Fri Mar 17 2017, 19:11

Reebok Trotter

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Norpig wrote:You're not really selling this very well RT  Shocked
I know!  Very Happy Very Happy
I think my mate was just exceptionally unlucky! I mean what are the chances of being only the 2nd person to be operated on by a Junior Doctor. I know medical trainees go through rigorous procedures but at some point they have to get their hands dirty ( or bloody ) and operate on the real thing.
Strangely enough my mate avoided Xmas parties after that! I think he was embarrassed in case he bumped into the nurse and her hubby.

Strangely enough his wife ended up having a fling and they ended up getting divorced. He is now with a teacher and I wonder if she has ever broached the subject of having children. I think it's a certainty that my mate will never let anyone near his nuts again.

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