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Bolton Nuts » BWFC » Bolton Wanderers Banter » Smelly Bastard

Smelly Bastard

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1 Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 11:50

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Just recently I've given up my place in the posh seats to sit with my father in the North Stand Lower, with the plebs. I even had to pay against fooking Burton and Cardiff. The shame.

Anyway, there's a right smelly bastard sitting next to me (not my Dad). Not the smell of someone who hasn't showered that day, more like the smell of someone who has spent a month living in KP's y-fronts. Absolutely disgusting.

As you know, I'm not one to hurt someone's feelings, so while he was staring at my ample bussom, I tactfully told him he was a disgustingly smelly individual who should be ashamed of his odour. So much for tact, because he told me to fuck off and then continued watering the weeds that were growing out of his crotch.

I've written a strong letter to Ken saying they shouldn't let smelly bastards into the ground, but that was over a week ago and no reply. He's probably out hunting for the missing 7000 fans.

So what do I do? My nostrils can't take another 90 minutes of that smell. I'm asking for your advice on Nuts because I suspect most of you are smelly bastards so you'll know the best way to approach this.

Thanks in advance.

2 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 12:08

Norpig

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Take a can of deodorant with you and spray him all over in front of everyone else, that should either shame him from coming again or at least get him to wash  Very Happy

3 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 12:10

BoltonTillIDie

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Put a magic tree around his neck

4 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 12:11

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:Take a can of deodorant with you and spray him all over in front of everyone else, that should either shame him from coming again or at least get him to wash  Very Happy

If being called a smelly twat didn't encourage him to have a shower, a can of deodorant won't make him blink.

I was thinking of a more permanent solution. I could get there early against Hull, rip up his seat and throw it at Pratley. Two birds, one stone.

5 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 12:13

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:Put a magic tree around his neck

This is not a make believe thread. I don't have a stash of magic trees on my roof garden. No fairies either (unless Breadman is stalking me again).

6 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 12:14

boltonbonce

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
I'm sure this would suit. It kills two birds with one stone,in that it keeps out the smell,AND improves your looks. No brainer.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

7 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 12:18

Norpig

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:Take a can of deodorant with you and spray him all over in front of everyone else, that should either shame him from coming again or at least get him to wash  Very Happy

If being called a smelly twat didn't encourage him to have a shower, a can of deodorant won't make him blink.

I was thinking of a more permanent solution. I could get there early against Hull, rip up his seat and throw it at Pratley. Two birds, one stone.
But others might not hear you telling him (unlikely i know, i bet you have a voice like Foghorn Leghorn) but publicly spraying him might do the trick. 
Either that or tell a steward he tried to touch you up and they'll throw him out and ban him.

8 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 12:21

boltonbonce

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Good idea Mr Pig. Anyone who tried to touch her up would be sectioned.

9 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 12:36

MartinBWFC

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Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
Easy one this there are that many empty seats due to Parkinsons tactics, just move to one of the many empty seats.

10 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 12:37

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:Easy one this there are that many empty seats due to Parkinsons tactics, just move to one of the many empty seats.

I don't sit in the pleb end alone, and my Dad won't move.

11 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 12:38

MartinBWFC

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Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:Easy one this there are that many empty seats due to Parkinsons tactics, just move to one of the many empty seats.

I don't sit in the pleb end alone, and my Dad won't move.
You won't take friendly advice, then you'll have to continue to abuse your nostrils.

12 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 13:22

y2johnny


Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
But if Vicks under your nose on your moustache and ypull be reet

13 Re: Smelly Bastard on Wed Dec 27 2017, 13:55

Natasha Whittam

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:But if Vicks under your nose on your moustache and ypull be reet

You gobshite, I've had electrolysis.

14 Re: Smelly Bastard on Thu Dec 28 2017, 10:09

rammywhite

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Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
Take a can of petrol ,pour it over him and set him on fire. You might get ejected by the stewards for a couple of games but you can easily sneak back into your box. That would solve the problem permanently.

15 Re: Smelly Bastard on Thu Dec 28 2017, 12:11

Norpig

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Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
I wouldn't like to get on your wrong side Rammy  Very Happy

16 Re: Smelly Bastard on Thu Dec 28 2017, 20:46

rammywhite

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Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:I wouldn't like to get on your wrong side Rammy  Very Happy

I wouldn't personally do it but I know that Nat's game for most things- so it was only a suggestion if all else fails.
I would just move seats as every section of the ground is half empty at the minute

17 Re: Smelly Bastard on Sat Dec 30 2017, 22:19

bryan458

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Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
North stand Lower ?? you were asking for it, the nearer the front you get the more village idiot they become !!!!!

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