Bonce's own personal thread. Volume VII

karlypants wrote:

boltonbonce wrote:Plumber just sorted our dripping tap. £40. It might be a bargain, but I'm not in the plumbing trade.

I preferred the old taps where you could just stick a new washer in. Job done.

I take it he replaced one of those cartridges in the tap to stop it leaking?

Yes.
I'm often tempted to go on youtube for tips on how to sort these problems out, but some of you may be aware of my past record.

What happened to Nat's thread about Parent/child parking?

Someone bought me a muslim prayer cap for Christmas. I've no idea why, but I look very fetching in it.

It goes very well with my dressing gown and slippers, so I'm particularly happy. I did rather startle Steve our postie though, and I can't help feeling he's beginning to regard me as something of a fruitcake.

Roger Scruton is dead.

Why do our voices get higher when we talk to dogs?

boltonbonce wrote:Why do our voices get higher when we talk to dogs?

Because you are treating it like a toddler?

boltonbonce wrote:Why do our voices get higher when we talk to dogs?

Why do you talk to dogs?

Natasha Whittam wrote:

boltonbonce wrote:Why do our voices get higher when we talk to dogs?

Why do you talk to dogs?

Everyone does it. I talk to them because they listen. You can have a pretty reasoned debate with the right dog. Oscar, the Boxer from next door has some pretty strong views on hunting with hounds, and often gets quite strident about it,
I've not invited him round since he started smoking a pipe.
He laughed in my face when I told him ostriches could swim. He wasn't having it. Mind you, I only found out when one passed me doing the breast stroke at Tooting Lido.
But why does the voice get higher?

boltonbonce wrote:

But why does the voice get higher?

Why do farmers always put their gates at the muddiest part of the field?

sunlight wrote:

boltonbonce wrote:

But why does the voice get higher?

Why do farmers always put their gates at the muddiest part of the field?

They don't of course. Because it's an entrance and exit, it naturally gets churned up.

I'm well up on country lore. Jack Hargreaves once hit me over the head with a 2lb perch.

Something not right here

I hope it's not Nat!

Big mistake buying my half time snacks today. I've eaten them all.

boltonbonce wrote:Big mistake buying my half time snacks today. I've eaten them all.

Greedy pig.

Just caught a bin man with his knob out pissing all over my shared private access road.

karlypants wrote:Just caught a bin man with his knob out pissing all over my shared private access road.

Should have run the fucker over. 

Did he stop mid stream or did he just carry on? 

Sorry I meant to say I caught him on my CCTV doing it.

He had a quick look around and then proceeded to cosy up to the back end of the wagon then removing his gloves to do the business. He must have spent 5 mins shaking it about 10:30 this morning and then simply put his gloves back on.

The dozy prat left the wagon door open thinking it would shield him from being seen doing it not realising a camera was facing him head on!

I suppose it could have been worse if he decided to take a shit instead!

I'm thinking of putting in a claim for emotional distress as I will never look at a chipolata sausage the same way again!

karlypants wrote:I'm thinking of putting in a claim for emotional distress as I will never look at a chipolata sausage the same way again!

Don't look down then, it could kill you.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

karlypants wrote:I'm thinking of putting in a claim for emotional distress as I will never look at a chipolata sausage the same way again!

Don't look down then, it could kill you.