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Bolton Nuts » BWFC » Wandering Minds » Joke Thread

Joke Thread

+25
okocha
wanderlust
terenceanne
sunlight
Natasha Whittam
Leeds_Trotter
y2johnny
Angry Dad
Fabians Right Peg
Spillthebeans
Sluffy
Biggie
BoltonTillIDie
Bread2.0
karlypants
scottjames30
DEANO82
gloswhite
MartinBWFC
whatsgoingon
xmiles
finlaymcdanger
Bwfc1958
boltonbonce
Reebok Trotter
29 posters

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91Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue 30 Oct - 17:48

xmiles

xmiles
Jay Jay Okocha
Jay Jay Okocha

Laughing

92Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun 2 Dec - 12:38

DEANO82

DEANO82
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly

Just downloaded the Queen film Bohemian Rhapsody. Wasn't the best copy, it looked like it had been filmed in a cinema because I see a little silhouette of a man.

93Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue 4 Dec - 15:18

MartinBWFC

MartinBWFC
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

A mate of mine has got his kids a trampoline and two bikes off the internet, I asked him which site he used, google earth he said

94Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue 4 Dec - 15:43

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

I don't get it.

95Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue 4 Dec - 15:45

karlypants

karlypants
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Natasha Whittam wrote:I don't get it.

Me too. :biggrin:

96Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue 4 Dec - 15:46

wanderlust

wanderlust
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Bloke meets his mate in the pub and comments on how chipper he was looking today. 
“You look really well mate - had a good day?”
“Amazing mate” he replies. “Best day in years”
“How come?” Asks his pal.

“Well, I was walking the dog down by the railway line and I found this gorgeous woman tied to the tracks, so I untied her.”

“What happened then mate?” Asks his buddy.

“We made passionate love at the side of the railway all afternoon and in every conceivable position. It was the best sex I’ve ever had, just incredible”

“Wow mate - no wonder you look in such a good mood. Did you get a blow job as well then?”

“Naw pal” he says. “Never did find the head”

97Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue 15 Jan - 12:54

wanderlust

wanderlust
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Seeing as nobody seems to want to share anymore, here's an oldie..

It's Fred's anniversary and his missus says "tell you what - pick up your favourite food on your way home from work and I'll make us a lovely romantic dinner for two tonight"

"What, snails?" he says.
"yes darlin - get some snails on your way home and I'll be ready"

After work, Fred buys a bag of snails, and is on his way home when he runs into his mate George who asks him how it's going. 
"It's my anniversary mate, so the missus is going to cook us lovely romantic meal"

"Your anniversary? Well you've got to have a pint in the Dog and Duck with me to celebrate"
"I can't" says Fred - "I promised the missus"

"Go on - just the one" says George, and reluctantly, Fred agrees.

At half ten, Fred is at his front door, fumbling with his keys when the bottom drops out of the now soggy bag of snails and they all fall onto the doormat.
Just then the door swings open and his furious missus yells at him. 
"Where the f*** have you been? I've been waiting all night for you!"

Fred looks down at the snails on the doormat and says....




"Not far to go now lads..."

98Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue 15 Jan - 13:00

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Razz

99Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sat 23 Feb - 8:01

DEANO82

DEANO82
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly

Today I went past the old house I used to live in. I asked the owners if I could look around for old times sake? They said ‘No”... parents can be so mean sometimes.

100Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed 6 Mar - 18:36

MartinBWFC

MartinBWFC
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

Joke Thread - Page 6 53285594_1358629320943901_5466394942806949888_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1

101Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed 6 Mar - 18:38

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

What's so funny about a guy with a small penis? scratch

102Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed 6 Mar - 20:32

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

boltonbonce wrote:What's so funny about a guy with a small penis? scratch

Post another selfie and I guess we'll find out cheers

103Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed 6 Mar - 20:42

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Natasha Whittam wrote:
boltonbonce wrote:What's so funny about a guy with a small penis? scratch

Post another selfie and I guess we'll find out cheers
Ha. Very Happy
The zips on my slippers are the only ones that work these days.

104Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed 6 Mar - 20:44

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Bullery.

105Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu 18 Apr - 20:03

MartinBWFC

MartinBWFC
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, 
"I'm pregnant.
He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"
She said, "I think it must be the second coming."
The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think it's the second coming?"
She replied,
"Because I swallowed the first one."

106Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Mon 19 Aug - 15:17

Sluffy

Sluffy
Admin

A joke about vegetables has made it to the top of the menu as this year's funniest at the Edinburgh Fringe.

"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

"Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
"What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
"A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
"Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
"I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
"To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham


Sounds like a bit of a bad year to me!

Very Happy

107Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Mon 19 Aug - 15:24

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

108Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Mon 19 Aug - 15:37

Sluffy

Sluffy
Admin

Quite like Milton Jones and Stewart Francis myself.






109Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Mon 19 Aug - 15:52

sunlight

sunlight
Andy Walker
Andy Walker

My fave Time Vine joke was where he came on the stage and pulled a funnel from out of his coat and said " funnely enough ".
I always use that gag when I am using a funnel.

110Joke Thread - Page 6 Empty Re: Joke Thread Mon 19 Aug - 16:03

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

sunlight wrote:My fave Time Vine joke was where he came on the stage and pulled a funnel from out of his coat and said " funnely enough ".
I always use that gag when I am using a funnel.
Good one. Pass it on to Nat. She uses a funnel when she eats.

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