Coronavirus - will we survive?

Falling off the toilet?

@boltonbonce wrote:Falling off the toilet?

You mean you haven’t ticked that one off your list like most calamities?

@Natasha Whittam wrote:KP, please spare us this ridiculous daily count.

And if you insist on doing it, please give us the daily deaths from other strains of flu to put things in perspective.

And people who die falling off the toilet.

Closing schools? What a load of bollocks. Are all these kids going to stay at home in their rooms? Are they fook.

I’m trying to keep our Nuts community well informed Nat as you never know what’s going to happen!

@karlypants wrote:

@boltonbonce wrote:Falling off the toilet?

You mean you haven’t ticked that one off your list like most calamities?

Even I haven't managed that. Blocked one up with some lentils when I was eight though

The Nottingham Forest owner has tested positive for Coronavirus.

Bet you’ve gone out a bought a shed load of toilet paper haven’t you Karl.

T.R.O.Y wrote:Bet you’ve gone out a bought a shed load of toilet paper haven’t you Karl.

I haven’t tbh just the usual spam, corned beef in cans and a shed full of hand wash!

@wanderlust wrote:

@gloswhite wrote:I have to agree with most of the pundits and so called experts in that the government have handled it well so far.

Must have missed that as everyone seems to think they don't know their ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to covid19 - highlighted by the "retired doctors and nurses" initiative that they launched last week. That's going well - not.

The very idea of asking folk to come out of retirement to treat covid19 patients when the actual fact that they are retired implies that most will be in the high risk category exemplifies their incompetence - although I wouldn't put it past Cummings to push a coronavirus strategy that wipes out the maximum number of retired people as possible to cut costs in State pensions and NHS resource usage.

I can't believe this Wander. With all this stuff going on, you decide to nit-pick on one tiny aspect of the bigger issue. Even if they only manage to get a couple of dozen extra staff, they'll all be useful, or are you thinking that if we don't have hundreds then don't bother, because it would suit your view that to lambaste the government would be more productive ?  Its so petty.

@gloswhite wrote:

@wanderlust wrote:

@gloswhite wrote:I have to agree with most of the pundits and so called experts in that the government have handled it well so far.

Must have missed that as everyone seems to think they don't know their ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to covid19 - highlighted by the "retired doctors and nurses" initiative that they launched last week. That's going well - not.

The very idea of asking folk to come out of retirement to treat covid19 patients when the actual fact that they are retired implies that most will be in the high risk category exemplifies their incompetence - although I wouldn't put it past Cummings to push a coronavirus strategy that wipes out the maximum number of retired people as possible to cut costs in State pensions and NHS resource usage.

I can't believe this Wander. With all this stuff going on, you decide to nit-pick on one tiny aspect of the bigger issue. Even if they only manage to get a couple of dozen extra staff, they'll all be useful, or are you thinking that if we don't have hundreds then don't bother, because it would suit your view that to lambaste the government would be more productive ?  Its so petty.

Good post there Glos.

Health minister Nadine Dorries tests POSITIVE for coronavirus after a week of meeting people in Parliament and attending a reception with Boris Johnson - as UK cases rise by 61 in a day to 382

In a statement to the BBC, Ms Dorries said: 'I can confirm I have tested positive for coronavirus.

'As soon as I was informed I took all advised precautions and have been self isolating at home.

'Public Health England has started detailed contact tracing and the department and my parliamentary office are closely following their advice.'

Ms Dorries had been part of a team that drew up legislation to tackle coronavirus before she fell ill.

Officials are in the process of identifying all people she has been in contact with since contracting the virus, including MPs.

Any who have displayed similar symptoms will be tested.

Matt Hancock, who as Health Secretary is her boss, was last night understood to be fit and well and not showing any symptoms.

He tweeted last night: 'Really sorry to hear Nadine has tested positive for coronavirus.

'She has done the right thing by self isolating at home, and both NHS and PHE staff have been brilliant. We all wish her well as she recovers.

'I understand why people are worried about this disease. We will do all we can to keep people safe, based on the best possible science.'

The news will fuel fears that parliament may have to be closed as the virus outbreak continues to spread across Europe.

Mrs Dorries met hundreds of people last week, including a large number of MPs, and attended a conference outside Westminster.

She started feeling ill on Friday as she was signing papers that declared coronavirus to be a 'notifiable disease'.

She held a surgery in her Mid Bedfordshire constituency on Saturday, which wsa attended by 50 people, but over the weekend she experienced the 'classic symptoms' of the disease - a dry cough, high temperature and 'vice-like' pain in her chest.

Source

@gloswhite wrote:

@wanderlust wrote:

@gloswhite wrote:I have to agree with most of the pundits and so called experts in that the government have handled it well so far.

Must have missed that as everyone seems to think they don't know their ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to covid19 - highlighted by the "retired doctors and nurses" initiative that they launched last week. That's going well - not.

The very idea of asking folk to come out of retirement to treat covid19 patients when the actual fact that they are retired implies that most will be in the high risk category exemplifies their incompetence - although I wouldn't put it past Cummings to push a coronavirus strategy that wipes out the maximum number of retired people as possible to cut costs in State pensions and NHS resource usage.

I can't believe this Wander. With all this stuff going on, you decide to nit-pick on one tiny aspect of the bigger issue. Even if they only manage to get a couple of dozen extra staff, they'll all be useful, or are you thinking that if we don't have hundreds then don't bother, because it would suit your view that to lambaste the government would be more productive ?  Its so petty.

Hang on Glos - didn't you state that most pundits and experts reckon they're doing a good job? I was merely pointing out that the commonly held view is the opposite - and certainly the published view of the majority of retired doctors and nurses who were asked to do it - read the BMA article about it (which also highlights training and indemnity issues which the Government obviously hadn't considered before announcing their great plan) Which non-government payroll pundits and experts are you talking about? One thing is for sure - it isn't the retired doctors and nurses themselves.

Mind you, the current Government could come out with an initiative which involved the magic fairy sprinkling anti - corona virus and everyone's an instant millionaire dust over the country and the media would find idiots to say what a great job they're doing, rather than question WTF they're actually about.

Anyway, following on from the Health Minister having contracted the virus the Government have a new initiative which will massively increase the number of people being tested to 10,000 per day.

Which is great news as it will now only take just over 19 years until everyone is tested.

The Arsenal vs Citeh game is off now as some of the Arsenal players have been in contact with the Olympiacos owner who was contracted it.

Poland has closed all schools, museums and cinemas and Ukraine has shut all educational buildings in the capital city Kiev due to coronavirus.

UK should shut down now completely all sports, cinema,schools ect before it's too late and it's going to happen soon anyway so do it now and save lives.

Think there should be some Coronavirus rules on here for users.

1 - Hands should be washed after visiting the site, particularly after reading one of Angry Dad's posts.
2 - Facemasks should be worn after visiting the site, as you don't want people you know recognise you as a Nuts poster.
3 - Slippered footwear is advised to be used when being on the site to prevent some of the more angry posters amongst us puttering their foot through the screen when Bob mentions Vince again.
4 - Self isolate away from Nuts for 14 days following every meltdown on here - see you in two weeks Lusty.
5 - Bulk buying of toilet rolls is recommended in order to ensure you will always have enough supplies to deal with all the shit we deal with on here everyday!

Anyone got any other rules for us?

To cut risk of contamination, no post should be over 50 words.

I agree that slippered footwear is vital, but if we get the ones with cloths on the bottom we can clean the floor as well.

Eye masks and pillows should be issued when Ten Bob starts on again about financial matters

Biggest daily increase today with 83 cases tested positive. 

It’s only going to get worse...

My mates very quiet. He lives in Dumbleton, just North of Cheltenham. Nadine Dorries moved into her newly-built house a year or two back, which is just 100 yards up the road from him.
If he doesn't answer his texts soon, I'll have to write him off.  
And so it begins. 

No shit Sherlock! 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-51839944

I hope you have stocked up on enough twirls to see you through these dark months Nat!

Could we get Bonce to dress up the same?

KP's Diary

7am: Woke up, checked coronavirus total.

7.15am: Shoved something up my arse.

9am: Arrived at work, checked coronavirus total.

9.15am: Shoved something up my arse

11am: Mid-morning snack. Checked coronavirus total. Shoved something up my arse.

1pm: Lunchtime. Shoved something up my arse. Checked coronavirus total. Shoved something else up my arse.

3pm: Bored at work so shoved something up my arse. Checked coronavirus total.

5pm: Hometime. Checked coronavirus total and shoved something up my arse.

6pm: Had my tea, checked coronavirus total, and then shoved something up my arse.

7pm: Felt ill. Convinced I had coronavirus. Went to hospital where they removed a stapler, 3 pens, a tennis ball and a small hamster from my arse.

10pm: Back at home. Checked coronavirus total. Shoved something up my arse.

@Natasha Whittam wrote:KP's Diary

7am: Woke up, checked coronavirus total.

7.15am: Shoved something up my arse.

9am: Arrived at work, checked coronavirus total.

9.15am: Shoved something up my arse

11am: Mid-morning snack. Checked coronavirus total. Shoved something up my arse.

1pm: Lunchtime. Shoved something up my arse. Checked coronavirus total. Shoved something else up my arse.

3pm: Bored at work so shoved something up my arse. Checked coronavirus total.

5pm: Hometime. Checked coronavirus total and shoved something up my arse.

6pm: Had my tea, checked coronavirus total, and then shoved something up my arse.

7pm: Felt ill. Convinced I had coronavirus. Went to hospital where they removed a stapler, 3 pens, a tennis ball and a small hamster from my arse.

10pm: Back at home. Checked coronavirus total. Shoved something up my arse.

@karlypants wrote:Could we get Bonce to dress up the same?

Bit worried about what comes out of the dispenser.

Wondering why the mortality rate is so high in Italy? - 12k confirmed cases and 827 deaths. That's nearly 7%. Is it because they tongue each other when they meet or do they only test ill people?
Anyhoo they've shut the country down - although it looks like the horse has bolted.

Olives is why