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Joke Thread

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1081Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Tue Oct 30 2018, 17:32

y2johnny


Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
I picked up a hitchhiker last night.  He was grateful but said how did I not know he was a serial killer?  So i said the chances of their being two in one car are astronomical.

1082Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Tue Oct 30 2018, 17:48

xmiles

xmiles
Youri Djorkaeff
Youri Djorkaeff
Laughing

1083Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Sun Dec 02 2018, 12:38

DEANO82

DEANO82
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
Just downloaded the Queen film Bohemian Rhapsody. Wasn't the best copy, it looked like it had been filmed in a cinema because I see a little silhouette of a man.

1084Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Tue Dec 04 2018, 15:18

MartinBWFC

MartinBWFC
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
A mate of mine has got his kids a trampoline and two bikes off the internet, I asked him which site he used, google earth he said

1085Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Tue Dec 04 2018, 15:43

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
I don't get it.

1086Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Tue Dec 04 2018, 15:45

karlypants

karlypants
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Natasha Whittam wrote:I don't get it.

Me too. :biggrin:

1087Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Tue Dec 04 2018, 15:46

wanderlust


Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Bloke meets his mate in the pub and comments on how chipper he was looking today. 
“You look really well mate - had a good day?”
“Amazing mate” he replies. “Best day in years”
“How come?” Asks his pal.

“Well, I was walking the dog down by the railway line and I found this gorgeous woman tied to the tracks, so I untied her.”

“What happened then mate?” Asks his buddy.

“We made passionate love at the side of the railway all afternoon and in every conceivable position. It was the best sex I’ve ever had, just incredible”

“Wow mate - no wonder you look in such a good mood. Did you get a blow job as well then?”

“Naw pal” he says. “Never did find the head”

1088Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Tue Jan 15 2019, 12:54

wanderlust


Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Seeing as nobody seems to want to share anymore, here's an oldie..

It's Fred's anniversary and his missus says "tell you what - pick up your favourite food on your way home from work and I'll make us a lovely romantic dinner for two tonight"

"What, snails?" he says.
"yes darlin - get some snails on your way home and I'll be ready"

After work, Fred buys a bag of snails, and is on his way home when he runs into his mate George who asks him how it's going. 
"It's my anniversary mate, so the missus is going to cook us lovely romantic meal"

"Your anniversary? Well you've got to have a pint in the Dog and Duck with me to celebrate"
"I can't" says Fred - "I promised the missus"

"Go on - just the one" says George, and reluctantly, Fred agrees.

At half ten, Fred is at his front door, fumbling with his keys when the bottom drops out of the now soggy bag of snails and they all fall onto the doormat.
Just then the door swings open and his furious missus yells at him. 
"Where the f*** have you been? I've been waiting all night for you!"

Fred looks down at the snails on the doormat and says....




"Not far to go now lads..."

1089Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Tue Jan 15 2019, 13:00

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Razz

1090Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Sat Feb 23 2019, 08:01

DEANO82

DEANO82
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
Today I went past the old house I used to live in. I asked the owners if I could look around for old times sake? They said ‘No”... parents can be so mean sometimes.

1091Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Wed Mar 06 2019, 18:36

MartinBWFC

MartinBWFC
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
Joke Thread - Page 37 53285594_1358629320943901_5466394942806949888_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1

1092Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Wed Mar 06 2019, 18:38

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
What's so funny about a guy with a small penis? scratch

1093Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Wed Mar 06 2019, 20:32

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@boltonbonce wrote:What's so funny about a guy with a small penis? scratch

Post another selfie and I guess we'll find out cheers

1094Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Wed Mar 06 2019, 20:42

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Natasha Whittam wrote:
@boltonbonce wrote:What's so funny about a guy with a small penis? scratch

Post another selfie and I guess we'll find out cheers
Ha. Very Happy
The zips on my slippers are the only ones that work these days.

1095Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Wed Mar 06 2019, 20:44

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Bullery.

1096Joke Thread - Page 37 Empty Re: Joke Thread on Thu Apr 18 2019, 20:03

MartinBWFC

MartinBWFC
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, 
"I'm pregnant.
He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"
She said, "I think it must be the second coming."
The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think it's the second coming?"
She replied,
"Because I swallowed the first one."

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