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Joke Thread

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Bwfc1958
Pevensey Pete
Bollotom2014
Boggersbelief
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Soul Kitchen
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691Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Oct 31 2014, 13:08

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

:rofl:

692Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Oct 31 2014, 13:15

Guest


Guest

While we're laughing at / with our Scouse friends:

693Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Oct 31 2014, 13:23

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

694Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Oct 31 2014, 15:03

Bwfc1958

Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!

"Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose and is endless and infinite, unfathomable and subjective".

"You're still fucking late", replied my boss.

695Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Oct 31 2014, 16:15

Bwfc1958

Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!

A family are driving behind a bin truck when a dildo flies off and hits the windscreen.

Embarrased, and to spare her young sons innocence, the mother turns round and says,"don't worry, it was just an insect".

To which her son replies,"I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that".

696Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Oct 31 2014, 16:43

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

:rofl: Stop it! I can't eat my tea and laugh at the same time.

697Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Oct 31 2014, 18:53

Bwfc1958

Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!

My new girlfriend said to me,"after an orgasm I like to kiss and cuddle, then fall asleep in each other's arms, what about you".
I said, "I usually just delete my browsing history and throw the tissues away."

698Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sat Nov 01 2014, 15:26

Bwfc1958

Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

"Fuck off", said the librarian, "you won't bring it back".

699Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun Nov 02 2014, 17:08

Bwfc1958

Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!

** RACIST JOKE REMOVED **

700Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun Nov 02 2014, 17:22

Bwfc1958

Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!

I was checking into a hotel the other week. At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."

Unbelievable what some people are into.

701Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Nov 04 2014, 10:47

Bwfc1958

Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!

My wife just called me.

She said, "The two kids want you to take them Bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema."

"It's either one or the other," I said, "otherwise it's too expensive."

"Okay," she replied. "Which one do you prefer?"

I said, "David".

702Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Nov 04 2014, 10:56

Bwfc1958

Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!

"If you eat much more of that you're going to explode!" said my wife to our young son, as he shovelled in another mouthful of bacon. 

Of course, statistically, he's far more likely to explode if he never eats any bacon at all.

Can I get away with that one??

703Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Nov 04 2014, 11:13

Reebok Trotter

Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Bwfc1958 wrote:"If you eat much more of that you're going to explode!" said my wife to our young son, as he shovelled in another mouthful of bacon. 

Of course, statistically, he's far more likely to explode if he never eats any bacon at all.

Can I get away with that one??

Laughing

704Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed Nov 05 2014, 13:59

Numpty 28723

Numpty 28723
Andy Walker
Andy Walker

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?

'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ... 'Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'


Horrified Jane said, 'Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.'


She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.


'Here' she said, pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'


Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!


Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.


Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed, 'What did you do that for?' 


Tarzan replied, 'Check for squirrel.'

705Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed Nov 05 2014, 15:19

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson

 I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and I noticed
 a  Muslim, sneaking through my next door neighbour's garden. Suddenly
 my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him
 over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly . He then began to
 dig a grave with the shovel. Astonished I got back into bed. Donna, my
 lovely wife said, 'Mike you're shaking, what is it?' 'You'll never
 believe what I've just seen', I
 said, "That Bastard next door still has my fucking shovel'

706Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed Nov 05 2014, 16:07

Bwfc1958

Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!

Laughing

707Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun Nov 09 2014, 16:11

Bwfc1958

Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!

When I was young I decided to enrol for Medical School. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters
PNEIS and form the name of an important body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered SPINE are now Surgeons whilst the rest are on internet football forums talking bollocks!!

708Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun Nov 09 2014, 22:10

Guest


Guest

A bloke calls his wife from work. He tells her that his finger got cut off on the building site where he works.
"Oh my God!" cries the wife, "The whole finger?"...."No," replies the bloke, "The one next to it."!

709Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun Nov 09 2014, 22:38

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Barb Dwyer wrote:A bloke calls his wife from work. He tells her that his finger got cut off on the building site where he works.
"Oh my God!" cries the wife, "The whole finger?"...."No," replies the bloke, "The one next to it."!
Embarassed

710Joke Thread - Page 36 Empty Re: Joke Thread Fri Nov 14 2014, 14:41

Chairmanda

Chairmanda
Andy Walker
Andy Walker

The inventor of 'Predictive Text' died yesterday.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

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