Have you ever.......

Put your foot in it so bad that you wish a giant hole would open up and swallow you whole?

A few years ago, whilst at work, one of my work mates was telling me about a lad he used to go to school with. 

Basically, in short, the lad in question was 'a smelly bastard'. His words, not mine.

Anyway, the brother of the lad was working at the same place and I was challenged to raise the subject of his brother being a smelly bastard in school to him. Childish but harmless fun you would think.

I brought up the subject, thinking there would be no harm done, and he replied with, "my brother is dead now".

Well, I was fucking mortified, obviously. Where the fuck do you go from there?

My workmate swore blind he didn't know and I had to believe him, otherwise it would make him an individual with a very sick sense of humour.

Has anyone else ever put their foot in it big time? Eg. Asking a fat woman when she's due, which I have also done in the past.

I was on a business trip to China. I was tired, jetlagged, and had a couple of large gins. I was invited to dinner in the Shanghai Tower revolving restaurant by the great and good of Shanghai creative industries. I met my hosts for about 5 mins, so hadn't got to know them well, we were shown to our table. ordered our food, and I excused myself to go to the loo. The loo, and this is important, was in the central non-revolving core of the hotel. I returned to where my table had been when I had left it and sat down with a group of 8 Chinese gentlemen who were too polite to tell me they had no idea who I was. I'm blushing as I type this.

I had a meeting years ago with a bloke who wanted me to join his business on a fixed term contract to implement some basic lean manufacturing techniques and generally help them to develop to the next level.

It was about five years ago when the second or third wave of Polish workers had come over here and pretty much every factory you went in back then had a healthy number of Eastern Europeans working in it.

He made mention of the fact that he'd just had to sack his Manufacturing Manager for "being too friendly" with the young Polish girls.

I took this as an opportunity to reinforce the idea that I was well travelled within the industry and had helped many an FMCG business improve their operations.

So I smiled wistfully and said: "Ah yes....tempted by a young Polish girl who flutters her eyelids and is only too keen to start a relationship with her manager to feather her own nest. You wouldn't believe the number of balding, fat, middle-aged managers I've met over the last couple of years who have got a Polish dolly bird, half their age, in tow. You'd think they could see through it and would know better......"

At which point he replied: "Er....yes."

Before introducing me to his PA / Fiancée, Dorota from Gdansk. (Aged about 22 and fit as a butcher's.)

Didn't get that gig in the end........

Great stories !

Biggest for me, would be back in the 70's on holiday in Tunisia.

We went down for our meal and there was a bottle of partially supped wine on our table.

Wife said, nice one they give us a glass  of wine with our meal,I said its not ours, she said of course it is, that's what its like  abroad, you get a free bottle of wine with your meal.

So I let her sup it.

Next minute this German guy and his Wife sat down at our table, wasn't very happy,

Started shouting in our direction Dummbkopf, Schnell,Englisher Bastard.

Ouch

Banks of the Croal wrote:Biggest for me, would be back in the 70's on holiday in Tunisia.

We went down for our meal and there was a bottle of partially supped wine on our table.

Wife said, nice one they give us a glass  of wine with our meal,I said its not ours, she said of course it is, that's what its like  abroad, you get a free bottle of wine with your meal.

So I let her sup it.

Next minute this German guy and his Wife sat down at our table, wasn't very happy,

Started shouting in our direction Dummbkopf, Schnell,Englisher Bastard.

Ouch

Good on your wife I say. They would have nicked your sun lounger without giving it a second thought.

Serves 'em right for invading Poland.

Bollocks to 'em!

Well done Mrs Banks, I say.