Ebenezer Bonce

I've decided that,this year, we're not having a Christmas tree.
Mainly because I thought we had one in the loft,then remembered I'd thrown it out
in February.
Anyway,who needs one? If you put one up you've got to put lights and baubles on it,plus one of those poncey things that stand on the top. A fairy,I think they're called.
What do fairies have to do with Christmas?
And I'm not having balloons or decorations up. Makes the place look like venue for an Indian wedding.
Christmas Day will go as it always goes. Everyone round the table stuffing themselves with turkey and mince pies,wearing ridiculous paper hats,pulling crackers with those stupid little gifts in them,which are,I might add,a choking hazard,whilst behaving in a generally outrageous manner.
I,on the other hand,will be found upstairs,at my desk,with a cheese and pickle sandwich,and a mug of tea. This has been my traditional Christmas dinner for the past thirty years,and will be,until they carry me out in a box.
After dinner,the junior members of the family will search me out,and insist I take part in endless games of Scrabble,Boggle,Uno,Snakes and Ladders and various other delights.
The various other delights usually involve putting underpants on my head,drawing on my arms and face,and attempting to break the record for how many clothes pegs can be attached to the human body.
When they all leave,my cheers can be heard for miles around.
Don't get me started on New Year.

Christmas is for the kids (and grandkids now) as far as I am concerned. I go along with it for their sake.

Christmas crackers annoy me though. What a waste of money and who needs those stupid paper hats?

Like it, i asked the wife if we could forget about xmas this year but did not go down too well so i will take a bottle of JD to the shed or garage and find something to fix or break.

Xmas with my ex was horrible, she had to have all her family round and some very old aunt  who didn't move much just sat still with a fixed rictus grin a silly paper hat on and stunk the place out with her farts. I'm glad i got rid of the lot of them.

Angry Dad wrote:Like it, i asked the wife if we could forget about xmas this year but did not go down too well so i will take a bottle of JD to the shed or garage and find something to fix or break.

I heard,"Ask the miserable old git if he wants a mince pie?" last year.

They don't mind me buying them presents though.

You should have seen their faces this year, when I informed them that all the money I normally spent on presents would be going to The Salvation Army on their behalf.

They were so proud,and delighted. Not.