Best Comedy Lines Ever

There's a very funny scene in tonights Bad Education on BBC3, it made me laugh out loud.

In tonights episode the teachers take the kids to a zoo. On the way their dodgy coach driver, played by the great Ted Robbins, is pointing out places of interest and says if you look to your right you’ll see a lay-by that is, in my opinion, a tad overlit.

Brilliant line.

And this got me to thinking, what are your favourite comedy lines from a sitcom or comedy?

Basically everything Woody Allen has ever said.

Im going over to emmett's fix it shop to fix emmett.

' Your'e only supposed to blow the bloody doors off'.

If anyone has ever watched ''a league of gentlemen'', a line which always cracks me up is when a police officer is looking for another copper and as he is walking out of a shop where he has been asking around, Tubbs (one of the characters) just shouts out ''we didn't burn him!''

You have to watch it to know what I mean but funny all the same.

Far too many to name.

Ali G asking the guy from the Met Police drugs task force "does Class A absolutely guarantee that dey iz betta quality?" is up there. I don't know how Sacha Baron Cohen keeps a straight face. He's amazing.

largehat wrote:Far too many to name.

Ali G asking the guy from the Met Police drugs task force "does Class A absolutely guarantee that dey iz betta quality?" is up there. I don't know how Sacha Baron Cohen keeps a straight face. He's amazing.

I agree. He is absolutely brilliant.

https://youtu.be/HqZKW1WEVlM

This one is another cracker. Telling the catholic priest that it was obvious why there was no room at the Inn.

https://youtu.be/9goLXFJzSik

Ha, ha, great clips RT.

It's the fact that the interviewees are not in on the act that makes it so appealing. They think they are going on a TV show to espouse their own beliefs. Had they known Ali G was just taking the piss then they would never had agreed to do the show.

I have pulled a few stunts in my time but there is no way I could keep a straight face like Ali G.

The best thing about Ali G is that so many of his guests began to look down their nose at him, but he was cleverer than practically every one of them.

I can only think of Tony Benn and Sir Rhodes Boyson who matched him intellectually.

Sir Rhodes Boyson, MP who died last week. Some of the stuff he came out with was quite bizarre but I quite liked him because he used to stick to his guns.

Four candles...

Blackadder - We've been sitting here since Christmas 1914, during which time millions of men have died, and we've moved no further than an asthmatic ant with heavy shopping.

You're eating ham Pam!

You're a mess Ness!

largehat wrote:Far too many to name.

Ali G asking the guy from the Met Police drugs task force "does Class A absolutely guarantee that dey iz betta quality?" is up there. I don't know how Sacha Baron Cohen keeps a straight face. He's amazing.

Ali g indahouse is a bloody funny film...

"that is a very sexist way to talk about these bitches"

The best from that film has to be...

" I did not uhhh suck off a horse. I was taking an expedition trip with a member of the opposing party and we were talking a walk in the fields and I accidentally slipped onto the end of a horses phallus, which, owing to it being the mating season.. was.. aroused."

lol!!!

To be honest Rebel, Ali G indahouse was IMO just a way of cashing in on a franchise, it was funny in parts, but the format of Da Ali G Show was far, far funnier.

Sitting this guy down with people who had no idea who he was, before he became a massive name, was the character's finest hour, rather than doing a film and interviewing Beckham on Comic Relief and so on.

Same with Borat.

I.agree actually lh.

Borat...sasha cohen is a comedy genius.

"why do you shoot bears"

"er...for fun"

While we are on.borat...

"do you think that tony blairs is a man who likes to make his ham hard and insert in another mans bottom?"

My favourite Borat moment is the bit with the etiquette lesson intercut with scenes from a dinner party where he is using advice from the lesson.

Particularly the bit where he goes to the toilet, is gone for ages, and comes back in to the room, and sits down and announces I HAD A GOOD SHIT.

There's two versions of it, a UK and a US one, the UK contains that line. (3.27)