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Here's a little poem written by a different accountant a few years ago.
He'd been investigating the Chairman and wife of an NHS Trust who thought it was nice to have a large slice of the lucre within his influence or control.
Anyone ever asked you to be on an Audit Committee, Boncey? Me neither.
Who's the guy on Nuts with one glass eye? Two would be better but it might do for a start.
THE AUDIT COMMITTEE
He'd been investigating the Chairman and wife of an NHS Trust who thought it was nice to have a large slice of the lucre within his influence or control.
Anyone ever asked you to be on an Audit Committee, Boncey? Me neither.
Who's the guy on Nuts with one glass eye? Two would be better but it might do for a start.
THE AUDIT COMMITTEE
He said to her, ‘Honey, just think of the money
We’ve banked and paid so little tax.
Why should we take pity on any committee
That’s gormless, dim-witted or lax?
It’s been such a pleasure to hoard all the treasure
Without any PAYE
And much more relaxing when not very taxing
And half of the dosh comes to me.
And it’s good to rely on a friendly blind eye
When there’s something that’s much better hidden
And if Fiddle-de-Dee want to earn their large fee
Some questions are strictly forbidden.
I’ve gone to great pains to keep secret our gains
Regardless of law or diktat
Compliance with rules is strictly for fools
And we are above all of that.’
‘My sweet, you’re so clever I doubt that they’ll ever
Unravel your masterly scheme
Your admirable charm will always disarm
So no wonder it worked like a dream
But do you not think that while we’re in the pink
The gravy train must be kept running
If money is tight let’s be up for the fight,
And re-double our craft and our cunning.
But for now let us raise our glasses in praise
Of our splendid and fine NHS
Our fortune depends, on how much it spends
And how much of it we can access.’
