Toilet Books

I know we have guests, and I don't wish to lower the tone, but we all like a read when we're on the throne. At least the men do, women don't seem to get it.
The thing is, I'm running low on good toilet books. Short, snappy chapters, and plenty of laughs is what I'm after.
I'm half way through The Chain Of Curiosity by Sandi Toksvig, but when I've finished it I'm struggling.
I did try Alex Ferguson's autobiography, but I ran out of pages before I could finish it. God knows what happened in chapter two.
Any ideas?

boltonbonce wrote:I know we have guests, and I don't wish to lower the tone, but we all like a read when we're on the throne. At least the men do, women don't seem to get it.
The thing is, I'm running low on good toilet books. Short, snappy chapters, and plenty of laughs is what I'm after.
I'm half way through The Chain Of Curiosity by Sandi Toksvig, but when I've finished it I'm struggling.
I did try Alex Ferguson's autobiography, but I ran out of pages before I could finish it. God knows what happened in chapter two.
Any ideas?

Did it happen to coincide with the run on bog roll when COVID started?

Saint Marcus has written a book wot he wrote all by himself but if that's not funny enough we have a large collection of Enid Blyton's works at Bobsworth Towers.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9695159/Enid-Blytons-work-racist-xenophobic-lacking-literary-merit-says-English-Heritage.html

good reads for the bog

Do people really sit on the loo long enough to do a bit of reading?

Usually I go when I have the urge and as soon as my arse touches the seat in shitting and then I’m off again.

Job done!

karlypants wrote:Do people really sit on the loo long enough to do a bit of reading?

Usually I go when I have the urge and as soon as my arse touches the seat in shitting and then I’m off again.

Job done!

 Same here KP but if you are hanging around for a while the 2 books i mentioned are great to just dip in and out of especially the Profanisaurus 

On my shopping list now. Not the Marcus book though. Surprised to learn it's taken the Mail this long to discover Blyton has no literary merit.
Arthur Ransome was a bit of a boy too. Fancy naming a character 'Titty'. That's asking for trouble.
Mind you, he did run off with Trotsky's secretary, so fair play.
'The Last Englishman: The double Life Of Arthur Ransome', is well worth reading.

It is recommended that you don't read whilst on the loo.  Two reasons,
 
1 Your arse forgets why its there, and you can suffer constipation
2 You can aggravate your arse with delayed use, which responds by hitting you with piles.

Note: 2 is often exacerbated, and as a result of, 1

Enjoy your read, but remember its at a price.

gloswhite wrote:It is recommended that you don't read whilst on the loo.  Two reasons,
 
1 Your arse forgets why its there, and you can suffer constipation
2 You can aggravate your arse with delayed use, which responds by hitting you with piles.

Note: 2 is often exacerbated, and as a result of, 1

Enjoy your read, but remember its at a price.

Don't I have enough to worry about?

Now even my 20 minute retreat to the peace and quiet of the bog, armed with a good book, is under threat. I'll ending up taking the medical dictionary in there again, and that never means good news.
Apparently, squatting is the right way to do it, if you want to avoid piles.

boltonbonce wrote:
Don't I have enough to worry about?

Now even my 20 minute retreat to the peace and quiet of the bog, armed with a good book, is under threat. I'll ending up taking the medical dictionary in there again, and that never means good news.
Apparently, squatting is the right way to do it, if you want to avoid piles.

He'll definitely get piles trying to shit through his pants 

Norpig wrote:
He'll definitely get piles trying to shit through his pants 

 Indeed.
Gives new meaning to 'straining on the toilet'.

karlypants wrote:Usually I go when I have the urge and as soon as my arse touches the seat in shitting and then I’m off again.

A new low for Nuts.

I know way too much about you bunch of bellends.

The Madman's Library by Edward Brook-Hitching.

A must, for toilet, or anywhere else in the house.

What a delight.

https://www.mortonsbooks.co.uk/product/view/productCode/5526/sir-bruce-forsyth-bookazine