Behind Enemy Lines - Blackburn Rovers

For those of you new to the site, on the rare occasion we win a game I go behind enemy lines onto the oppositions forums and Facebook pages to see what they made of the game. Blackburn fans are perhaps the most deluded fans out there, so there was lots to go on......

IssyBRFC is a genius:

Some interesting trivia, Notlob is Bolton written backwards.

I almost feel sorry for 12milesfromewood

This is the game I hate. Wanky Wanderers!! To compound my inevitable misery, losing any bragging rights for ages in my locals, I'm going to Keswick with five of the knobs on Thursday for a long walking (and drinking) weekend. I know we will lose, its the way God works.

My only chance is to put my life savings on the team that plays on Horwich tip, and there may be a chance we'll get a draw!!

My entire Rovers supporting life has been chequered with all the things 70's football fans did, (you know if you were around), and there were very few Rovers fans in Bolton in those days that I could get sympathy from.

My worst day, when the bustards won promotion at Ewood, was it '79?

And that feckin song '7 years of hating Blackburn Rovers'. you know the tune!!

McTeeth is confident:

We really do need to win this one otherwise we are in danger of slipping further away from the pack of teams at the top. Bolton have looked decidedly average this season and Freedman hasn't made any impact at all. I'm fairly confident we can beat these twats quite comfortably.

Toadstool_Poo thinks we have luck on our side:

They were battered by Brighton, utterly battered, complete fluke to draw, lucky as fuck
Drawing at home to Barnsley...how shit
Fluffed a two goal lead at a below par Blackpool under new management...
Draw with Leicester is okay...
Beating Cardiff was a great result but wasn't wholly deserved...
They seem lucky.

Rovers Ryan thinks we're shit:

I agree. Unbeaten in 5 is very flattering for the bog trotters. They are dogshit and I wouldn't be surprised if they dropped down to league 1 next year.

Only_One_Jack_Walker isn't so sure:

Five games unbeaten under Freedman suggests they are playing with a certain degree of resilience and strength. Two draws away suggests it won't be easy and it rarely is against Notlob. Low scoring draw seems favourite to me, but hope I am wrong.

Don't trust Ollie21:

I think if you replace resilience and strength with blind luck then you are right. Brighton missed a pen and two rebounds along with hitting the bar a good 3-4 times and N'Gog scuffed his equaliser in the 96th minute of 5 minutes added time...

They've got a very average squad and utterly gash strikers and I genuinely think we have improved as a team unit under Berg. We are passing the ball well, defending much better than previous management whilst creating a lot of chances in attack. It is clicking in to place for me and he is keeping a settled side that is playing well as a team, we got our rewards against Peterborough and still had 20 shots at goal against Millwall.

We'll be too good for Bolton, I promise you.

I'm beginning to like Only_One_Jack_Walker:

450+ minutes of match football, undefeated against 5 different teams is down to pure luck? Interesting assessment.

Is football better than sex? Hitchin Rover certainly thinks so:

We really need to get back on winning ways and there is no better way to start than spanking shitty Bolton, quickly followed by shitty Burnley. This has the potential to be a cracking week of football! 6 points and even the wife refusing me sex won’t matter.

USA Blue is another who thinks we are lucky:

If Bolton continue with the luck they had at the weekend we've no chance. Bloody hell should have been a cricket score how they scabbed a draw out of that is beyond me, 2-1 to Bolton, Andrews to score a screamer and spend much of the game pointing.

Is Rovermagic Hipster Nebula in disguise?

Freedman is a really good and proven manager.

TomPhil has a rant:

After reading their forums it's bizzare the kind of rivalry they think they have with us. We are the dingles/6 fingered scum/scruffy hillbillies, infact pretty much everything we've always chucked at Burnley. I know quite a few Bolton fans and a lot see us as their main rivals despite most Rovers fans they know not giving a stuff about them. I hate them in as much as they are just a Manchester overspill local rival with mouthy fans but really it's just another game in the mold of Wigan or Blackpool. Such a shame for them that no one gives a damn about them enough to be bitter enough to hate them as true rivals in the mold of Rovers/Burnley, PNE/Blackpool etc. Anyway they are bringing over 3k tonight which is impressive and suprising so they must smell victory. I hope we stuff em out of sight and send the gobshites back to Horwich with nowt. Let's just see what their crowds are like next season should they stay down !

Plastic Man isn't a Keith Andrews fan:

Keith Andrews will probably get booed less now he's left she shit wanker.

I hope Waggy76 is right:

Cannot see us beating Bolton, I tipped Bolton to go up, still think they have more chance than we have. Cunts.

Somerset Rover doesn't think we're very good:

Bolton are shit, really shit. One of the worst teams ever to pull on the shitty white shirt. Absolute shit. I have a feeling that Bolton will take it 2-1.

Dan is ITK:

Bloody Kevin Davies in their team. Was always going to happen...he’ll score for sure.

Garner89 has a prediction:

I’ve just seen the Bolton team, it’s utter shit! They’ve brought old fatty Kevin Davies back! Fantastic news, he won’t score if we play all night.

"All night" was actually 90 seconds. Garner89 can't believe it:

Fuck. How did that fat fuck score so easily. Fuck off Berg you bald cunt.

Old Nubian takes the opening goal badly:

Oh for fucks sake you bunch of lesbians. One minute gone and you’ve let that fat cunt slam one in the back of the net. FUCK OFF YOU CUNTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Others feel the same way:

Arrrrrgggghhhhhhh!!! Fucking Davies!

Resign Berg you fuckin gay viking

1 minute, 1 fucking minute you twats, fuck off

Nipped to the bog to take a dump and Kevin Davies scores. It was an omen

TWATS!!! TWATS!!! WANKERS !!!! FUCKERS!!!! DIE !!!!!

I have removed all my clothes and am currently sat in McDonalds in the town centre

I fackin hate kevin davies!!

The game moves on and Bolton are on top. RoverWithATear thinks we're rubbish, but quite good:

bolton are cack at the min yet look very livley and dngerous against us.. do we make all teams look amazing or what?

GaryGlittersGash sounds like a dangerous chap:

Keith Andrews is playing a blinder by all accounts. My Bolton colleague said he was shit. I will kill him in the morning. Then eat his balls.

PhatRover would like Owen Coyle, he brings his whole family with him:

We are getting absolutely smashed, nothing seems to have changed since the arrival of the Berg. I think he needs to bring in his own staff. I can’t believe that fat cunt scored against us again.

Dwayne Cage has seen enough:

Getting beat again, goodbye promotion chances. Thanks henning you ex-Rover playing tosser.

We feel you pain Senorbarry, we've been there ourselves:

This is not on! Nothing against Berg, more the players than anything. These bunch of fucking half wits need to pull their fingers out.

Nervous Rover rates Chris Eagles:

Eagles is all over us looking like messi - this is a bloody joke come on berg sort it out

Dingweed is honest if nothing else:

I’m not at the game but I just know we are shit. Berg out. Or dead. I don’t care.

The Rover Of Finland hits the nail on the head:

Our squad is full of attacking minded players who can´t attack

JohnnyPrice11 does sarcasm:

Well, we're being bossed by the holy trinity of footballing talent in Spearing, Andrews and Eagles.

Booth tells it as it is:

I just can't believe we're getting beat by a team which includes two of the worst players I've ever seen in a Blackburn Rovers shirt.

Bolton score a second goal and it goes mental on the Dingle internet:

0-2 Lee. At least the Blackburn dog population is safe for at least another half hour

CUNTS every single one of em

oh for fucks sake how did that chink have so much time?

Berg is worse than Kean. Fuck me we are shyte

It was never a free-kick, cheating Bolton inbreads

Fuck U Berg and fuck everyone you know

This is the worst day of my life, worse than my wedding day

lets get down to ewood and twat the bolton wankers

The end of Blackburn Rovers as we know it

The hillbillies will be playing their banjos through the night when they hear about this

Would you like to work with Darwen Darren:

Absolutely gob smacked. Few Bolton fans at my work were fearing the worst before tonight.
Looks like I'm gonna come in tomorrow morning to another cut out chicken on my computer screen and rubber chickens in my pockets. I bet Henning Berg doesn’t get this shit.

Don't worry Rovers fans, Coolspot has the answer:

Come back Matt Derbyshire and Francis Jeffers

So does Laurence:

I wonder if Andy Todd fancies a game?

Gibbon is a hard monkey to please:

Rhodes does fuck all, if he dosent score a hatrick tonight then thats it i lose respect for him

Gibbon changes his tune when Rovers pull a goal back:

fucking get in there Rhodes you genius! I fucking love you and never doubted you for a minute

Scorebore still thinks Owen Coyle is in charge:

1-2 we can still get something from this, Bolton are shit. Fuck off Coyle you twat.

GET IN. WE ARE ROVERS AND WE WILL KILL YOU!

We're gonna pinch this 3-2

Berg you dildo, why didn't you get these players on from the start

Bolton are there for the taking. I can see Freedman literally shitting himself

Take that Fatty Davies

RHODES I WANT YOUR BABIES

We won't lose

But Blackburn do lose as the ref blows the final whistle. KeithTheLeaf seems about to end it all:

I have a shit job where my boss abuses me, an ugly wife who advertises her saggy tits & fanny on the internet, a car that won't make it to Darwen and back, and a dog that keeps pissing in my shoes. Despite all that I was happy that Henning Berg was taking us back to the promised land. I now realise Berg is just like my wife and dog. A fucking twat.

Dwayne Cage is back with some inside info:

Apparently Bolton dominated most of the match and deserved it. Did someone tell our players Muamba had heart problems again and not to play like last season?

Coolspot agrees:

Yeah it's all Muamba's fault. Someone should have unfurled a banner saying "Muamba's ok, you don't have to give them 3 sympathy points".

Co-Zas doesn't blame Muamba:

Chris eagles ripped us apart, dann is shit, murphy is shitter.

Our old friend Rover The Moon always kept it simple:

Wank. Pure and simple.

A compliment from Simon:

Bolton were much more direct and drove forward when they got the ball (without hoofing it).

There's not much hope for Rovers acording to TwatfaceFucker:

We are doomed to play Keanesque football until the end of time, even though the fucker is long gone.

Rovers 4 Ever isn't looking forward to the Dingle Derby on Sunday:

The Hillbillies must be dancing round their camp fires in anticipation of Sunday.

Dave von Dave likes to rant:

absolute dog shit, again!!....berg is as clueless as the last bald headed prick in charge. dann is shit, murphy is a disgrace, etuhu is pointless, robinson need competition, fast!!....what's with the fans? £15 for an adult and £5 for kids and you could lie down in most area's of the ground...almost felt like an away game with the noise from the wanky wanderers which was deafening at times...the championship is our home for a few years yet so best get used to it, then to top it off the journey home to ollerton (notts) and we get mile upon mile of coned off motorway with traffic crawling for ages and not a fuck-eyed workman in sight...what is the point?

Rover The Moon agaain:

We will not do anything with Etuhu and Murphy in midfield. Neither give a fuck and neither are up to the task. They made Bolton's midfield look dynamic and it contained Keef Andrews and some dwarf from Liverpool.

Gibbon doesn't agree:

Some dwarf from Liverpool who you were wishing we had halfway through the match?

Rover The Moon defends his comments:

Being a dwarf was has no bearing on how he played it was more a reference to how man mountains like Etuhu got bullied by him.

McTeeth writes something never seen before - Kevin Davies & Ronaldo in the same sentence:

Was at the game and that is about as bad as I've seen Rovers play in the last 3 seasons, and I saw Steve Kean in his prime.

Part of me wants to give a slim benefit of doubt in that the early Bolton was a total sucker punch and we completely lost our way for the entire game. But sadly the defending for that goal was horrific and the fact that we made Kevin Davies and Eagles look like Ibrahimavic and Ronaldo was simply unacceptable.

Casey Kent has plans for his Dingle Derby ticket:

Losing to Bolton has killed me so I’m not going on Sunday. I’m using my ticket to wipe the babies arse. On Sunday it will be central heating on, slippers on, bacon butty in hand and catching up with Merlin/Castle/Body of Proof.

Preston Rover gets an erection:

Just got home. We were outplayed for 90 minutes. Dreadful, pathetic, shapeless, no spirit and no leadership, never mind no skill in our squad bar Rhodes on occasions. Eagles took the piss at times, what I wouldn’t give for an exciting winger like him.

Letterman45 has a theory:

Has anyone else noticed the similarities between our ex and current managers? No, not just shit tactics and results, but a pair of bald bastards. How is Berg supposed to instil confidence in his players when he’s bald? Whoever heard of a successful baldy? I’ve never known a bald Prime Minster, President or Apprentice winner. Dougie Freedman has a full head of hair. It’s not rocket science why Bolton won.

Is JerryPinger Quent's brother:

Getting beat at home by Bolton is the equivalent of being refused sex by a backstreet hooker.

Now DieKeanDie is comparing us to Barca:

Steve Kean has definitely put a curse on us. The defence is playing like its got the shits and the midfield like it’s high on crack. We made Notlob look like Barcelona.

Honest Joe is honest:

The whole team is overweight. Bolton played for 90 minutes, we played for 10. Too many fat bastards at this club, no wonder they ran out of pies at half-time, I’m sure our defence ate the majority.

Mercerman likes Dougie:

Absolutely pathetic, men against boys.

We were out fought, out thought and out played.

Bolton for 75 minutes were streets ahead of Rovers.

Wee Dougie has done a remarkable job with Bolton - 10 points from 6 unbeaten games. I am a big Freedman fan and tonight, it was evident why.

Big Daz has nightmares:

I had a dream last night that Shebby Singh was f**king me up the ass. At 9.30pm tonight it came true.

DavidMailsTightPerm gives Davies some grudging credit:

What a performance - we made an average Bolton team look like world beaters.

First observation - no idea how he gets away with it - but Kevin Davies is the dirtiest forward I have ever seen in my life - but full credit to him for getting away with it.

Tom M doesn't agree:

I don't want to even mention the ref as it sounds like an excuse when in fact there is no excuses at all for tonight but he let fat Kevin Davies get away with whatever he wanted tonight it was ridiculous, then blew for a foul at the end when Dann did what Davies had done all game. Twat.

Mercerman rated the ref though:

Strange how views differ, I thought that he gave Rovers plenty for nowt whereas Bolton seemed hard done by on several occasions. Definitely, a 'homer' and we were still dire

Deano McFlorry has a selection tip for Henning Berg:

The Jack Walker statue has more life in it than Murphy and Etuhu. I’d pick him at the Dingles.

DCI Meadows has some insider info on SKD:

Davies looked like a proper centre forward, using his body strength, holding it up and roughing up defenders - but bear in mind three weeks ago they were on the point of loaning him out to Fleetwood

We you on the same train as Niall Harkins:

Just arrived back in south Manchester after having to endure the majority of the train journey home with the notlobs. You’d think the fuckers had won the Champions League the way they were acting. I was one more fart away from doing a “Falling Down” and taking the fuckers out.

ParsonBlue is envious of us:

Bolton have a squad of players who are more suited to this League than the Rovers. Warnock, Knight, Andrews, Spearing, Davies, Eagles, etc all know what is required. Berg has been handed a bunch of "fancy dans" and one or two ageing former top notch players and is expected to get the best out of them. Merlin the Magician couldn't do it let alone Berg! We have got rid of players who would have served us well and replaced them with dross. We have paid £8 million pound for a centre-forward who can't play centre-forward.

Wow, is InTheBuff really talking about Bolton:

Our first touch (es) were poor last night. We were beaten by the better passing team.

JAL will be texting this number to Hipster:

Just as the ref blew his whistle to end the game I was knobbing Sandra Clarke from Accounts in her hotel room after an all day meeting. I pity you poor suckers who went to Ewood, I can give you Sandra’s mobile number if you want. She gives a great blow job.

ScoobyBlue sounds a little disturbed:

I am quietly simmering right now. The slightest thing could set me off. The wife, the kids, the fucking cat. Anything. I want to kill Henning Berg. I want to kill Kevin Davies. I want to kill Steve Kean. I want to kill all the inbreds from Bolton. I want to kill all the hillbillies from Burnley. I will kill you all. There will be nothing left of you. If I see or hear one smug Bolton twat I will kill him. If I see anyone from Bolton I will set them alight and then laugh. No one is safe in Bolton. Or Burnley. Or Norway. I'm sat here in the dark just waiting, waiting for someone to set me off. You were warned.

I love these. Thanks natasha

Brilliant read that Natasha

Good work Tasha! I enjoyed reading that. I love that Venky's are fucking that dirty little club up and that their fans are suffering in this way.

Love live King Shebby Singh!

Brilliant stuff! You have to sympathise with Dave Von Dave and it would have been nice to be a fly on the wall in Darren from Darwen's office this morning.

I think I just found my new catchphrase. If anyone wants me, I'll be sitting in the dark, quietly simmering.

Great read - here's to at least one per week for the rest of the season!

Reebok Trotter wrote:Brilliant stuff! You have to sympathise with Dave Von Dave and it would have been nice to be a fly on the wall in Darren from Darwen's office this morning.

Brilliant work... and the start of a great book!

Keegan wrote:I think I just found my new catchphrase. If anyone wants me, I'll be sitting in the dark, quietly simmering.

Now I know what it must feel like for Inf.

Fantastic as usual!

Is "Gibbon" "The_Gibbon?"

Great work Nat!

Hipster_Nebula wrote:Is "Gibbon" "The_Gibbon?"

I thought Gibbon was a Wanderers fan ?

I thought it was great.

What no quote from BH, shame! I would have thought we could ahve got a full thread of BH's comments on teh gain.

Good reead and good laugh, as usual, Nat - keep it up!

A great read very funny. Let's hope you are writing a new article after every game.

Is it just me or has this latest instalment of Behind Enemy Lines brought us an influx of new posters? We seem to have acquired quite a few new members since Wednesday night.

Looking forward to reading BEL after the Huddersfield game!

Reebok Trotter wrote:Is it just me or has this latest instalment of Behind Enemy Lines brought us an influx of new posters? We seem to have acquired quite a few new members since Wednesday night.

Looking forward to reading BEL after the Huddersfield game!

We're losing to Ipswich then?

Moquito wrote:A great read very funny. Let's hope you are writing a new article after every game.

Thanks Moquito!

Hello and welcome Moquito.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Reebok Trotter wrote:Is it just me or has this latest instalment of Behind Enemy Lines brought us an influx of new posters? We seem to have acquired quite a few new members since Wednesday night.

Looking forward to reading BEL after the Huddersfield game!

We're losing to Ipswich then?

Ipswich is home game but if you are happy to run it tomorrow night I will certainly have a perusal when I get back from the game.

P.S. Nice avatar btw. Is it Jo Brand ?