BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BLACKBURN ROVERS

Here's the latest edition of Behind Enemy Lines, and as you can imagine I had a lot to work with on various Rovers forums!

I wonder if ShearerNo9 survived his day at work? Did anyone spot a flying poo at the end of the game?

Going straight to the game from work (I work in Notlob). I’m going to do a big dump on my seat and throw it at Appleton if we lose. The abuse I will get if Notlob win will probably kill me. COYR!

Fat_Joe hasn't looked at the league table in a while:

Lets dick these twats. Win this and well be above em and on our way to the play offs.

Stacey_OK is confident:

Think we will win this one. Bolton are on a good run but have played no one of note. Freedman looks like a little boy lost to me. 3-1 Rovers.

12milesfromewood gets an eyeful:

A few months back I was pissing into a urinal in a restaurant (not McDonalds before you start) and looked across at the tall skinny guy next to me and it was David Ngog. He had a rather large knob.

easy_eric sets off a hillbilly alert!

We av to win dis game for jack walker the god

Appleton wasn't listening I'm afraid McTeeth:

We must not roll over at shitty Bolton. Read my lips Appleton you tossbag, we must not roll over at shitty Bolton.

Appleton fucks up Ollie21's night:

Twats, I was sure this game was tomorrow night. Just looked at my ticket and it’s tonight. I blame Appleton the cone headed cunt.

Some sense from Rover_The_Dog:

Bolton will hammer us. Do you know why? They got the right manager. Freedman might not be a big name but he did a fantastic job at Crystal Palace on a small budget. He is slowly doing the same with Bolton. We on the other hand chose a manager who had lost over 50% of his games, always been in the bottom three, left his last club after a few days, and is basically a poor manager. I have no doubt Appleton will be spending his big redundancy package by May.

Jake23a gets the team news:

Fuck a duck, they’ve brought Fatty Davies back into their team. 4-0 Rovers.

So does SkinnySam:

LOL, I cant beleeve theyve picked that fat cunt davies again he must be 103 by now. This will be Easy!

Most of us probably shared Hitchin Rover's opinion:

Looking at Bolton’s team it seems they’re going direct again with Davies being back in the side. This is playing right into our hands. Can’t wait to see their ugly faces when we win.

Did Undercover_Bob infiltrate Bolton Nuts?

I’ve been on a couple of Bolton forums this morning and the cocky twats are predicting an easy Bolton victory. Fuck off you Bolton cunts, we will milk you dry.

Pass the salt and pepper to Ewood4Life:

If Bolton do the double over us I will eat my own dick

How right TomPhil was!

Really up for this one, the Bolton inbreds really get me going. I can see a famous victory, probably with a 93rd minute winner!

Did HeavyBrother have inside info?

Disappointed they’ve left the Burnley tranny out, but I've heard he doesn't like to break a nail.

SellarsyerPlumbs is another who loves to holiday in Bolton:

Just arrived in Bolton. It’s like a scene from ‘the Walking Dead’. People who look half dead everywhere, sucking on each others bits. I fucking hate this place.

waggy76 needs a translator:

Is there a different language in Bolton. They seem to be talking in grunts. Backward bastards.

RoverTan is still bitter about last season's victory at Ewood:

Hopefully one of their players won’t feign death and get the sympathy vote for the next few months.

The game kicks off and the Blackburn hillbillies are confident:

We’re all over them apparently, can see us winning this one by a couple of goals.

Great start, going at em

Weve shut the bolton twats up already

I'm uping my prediction to 3-0 Rovers

Is anyone watching Location, Location, Location?

I keeeeel you all muthafukaz from bolton!

Dougie Freedman looks a bit pale. Is he dead?

Blackburn hit the bar. They become even more confident:

Fuck, Hanley just hit the bar. We’re playing well.

Fuck off, give us a break you twats

We should put a bagful past this Preston reject in goal. Fuck him up Jordan!

How many times have we hit the post this season? We'd already be promoted if the aim was to hit the woodwork. Cunts!

I just wet my pants

But half-time approaches and Bolton come more into the game. Keano45 isn't a fan of SKD:

Bolton coming back into it, Kevin Davies has just taken out Dann & Lowe with his man boobs.

LordyLordy needs to get together with Doffcocker:

I fuckin hate Kevin Davies, I'd rather have sex with David Cameron than have to watch that fat fuck every week. Anyone know a good hitman?

The half-time whistle blows. The Hillbillies are happy.

Good half, got a brilliant 1-0 victory written all over it

Fatty Davies hasn't had a sniff

Solid defense, just need jordan to wake up

are all the bolton players still standing, do we need a doctor?

Fuck Bolton fans the inbred cunts

Bring on the second half for a famous win at the ReeShit

The second half kicks off and Blackburn hit the bar again. HissyTit is getting frustrated:

Oh FFS, Hanley hits the bar again. Learn to kick it under the bar you tosser!

Wise words from Galopy12:

We’re getting no luck at all, you just know Bolton will pinch it.

Lonergan turns away a good chance for Rhodes. LionRoar isn't a fan of Preston:

Rhodes just missed a sitter, he let Lonergan get in the way. Preston cunt!

Is this Bolton Hater?

Oooooooh Jordan you big hunk of man beast, you very nearly made me cum

We've all been there JackyCant:

This is a boring game. I’ve just realised I can stick a wooden spoon right up my arse.

We'll do the pinching thanks very much GarnersLeftBoot:

The Bolton inbreds are getting anxious, we can pinch this.

Fabrice Muamba rises from the celebrity circuit to play a part according to CherryTreeTom:

Good save by Kean, kept Muamba’s shot out well

Deep into injury time and GaryGlittersGash has settled for a point and loves his new manager:

This is a fucking good point. This is the start of the Appleton revolution. The play-offs aren’t beyond us. We are a fucking good team and better than crappy Bolton and their handful of cuntish fans. Well done lads! Well done Appleton!

But fuck me, Chris Eagles wins the game for Bolton and GaryGlittersGash changes his mind:

Oh fuck off Appleton you cunt! Piss off back to Blackpool

The last minute winner sends the hillbillies into meltdown:

FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF

Twats every single one of em

Cunts

I fuckin hate these wankers

Appleton out!

Kean In

Don't come back to Blackburn you cunts, it isn't safe for you anymore

I fucking hate Bolton

Bolton fuck off

Ahhhh, fuck off eagles you burnley twat

I don't believe it. Well actually I do believe it

Bolton have done the double over us. The fucking shame!

The darkest hour in our history?

appleton, take your stupid bald head and stick it up shebby singh's useless arse

Fuck, shit, cunt, toss, shit, bastard, wank, bollocks

This shower couldn't defend a sandcastle with an army of 100,000. Twats!

I can hear the Bolton hillbillies dancing as I type

An hour later the Blackburn hillbillies are still at it. Ewood69 is particularly miffed:

Arrived in Bolton at 6.30pm. Went to have a bite to eat. Came back at 7.15pm to find my car clamped and a bunch of Bolton wankers laughing their tits off. Decided to fuck the car and went to the game. Ended up sat in wrong seat and almost got into a punch up with some fat twat eating a kebab. When Eagles scored the winner someone poured hot tea over me and I managed to cut my hand at the same time on the seat. Fuck off Appleton, fuck off Eagles, fuck off Bolton, fuck off clampers, fuck off seat manufacturers, fuck off tea drinkers, just FUCK OFF!

GarnerMyHero isn't at all happy either:

We defended ok but never really had a sustained amount of pressure. Bolton were always on top and the goal just seemed a formality really. I can't ever remember expecting to lose at Bolton. This is how far we have fallen. Eagles running the length of the pitch to celebrate made me as angry as I've ever been and if I hadn't been with my kid I'd have been on the pitch and messed up his hair.

SuttonsStewart has the answer:

I've had it with these overpaid cunts. Anyone know where they live? I'm going to tie the twats to a chair and force them to watch me and my mates play football like cunts for 90 minutes and then ask em for £30.

Cesus has a word of warning:

I didn't hear any Muamba chants but I was in the top tier, a little note to our fans though don't boo ex players or ex Burnley players as we more often than not end up conceding to them and they really enjoy it! I bet Eagles has never run so fast in his life the cunt

The hillbillies are now attacking each other according to RoversTilIDie:

Didnt hear any Muamba songs, but it did kick off big time at the end with seats being thrown! There was plenty of dickheads though, half of them didn't seem to realise the fans they were attacking were Blackburn fans. Total fucking retards!

Did Jedward89 spot Bolton Hater at the bandstand?

It's no wonder we have a shit reputation as fans. When I got outside the ground some fat twat in a Rovers top was punching himself! I shit you not.

Sour-Grapes is true to his name:

Incredible that the focus is on some supposed Muamba songs which nobody heard when the Bolton fans managed their 10th-20th year in a row of assaulting Rovers fans outside the ground. Granted it seemed tonight there was more giving as much as they got from our fans but that doesn't excuse the abhorrent behaviour of their thugs. Every single year it kicks off outside their ground and every single year its their fans moving round the stadium to confront ours. Its pretty obvious they see us as their grudge match, bunch of total morons in my opinion who could easily rival Burnley for their enthusiasm for violence.

Some home truths from KennysTrophy:

To everyone who applauded the sacking of Sam Allardyce are you happy? Do you honestly think if he was still in charge we'd be going down to a shit Bolton side without so much as a fight? We are doomed under Appleton and every other manager the chickenmen lumber us with. Awful, just awful.

A fair reflection from JohnnyBRFC:

Well, I enjoyed the hospitality at the Reebok last night, spoke to many interesting people, Muamba also made an appearance.

The game frankly, was shocking. Both sides were poor with chances at a premium. We hit the bar a few times, their keeper pulled off some great saves. BWFC had one off the line and a couple of saves from Kean.

The football, from both teams, was up in the air more than it was on the deck. So I would not say we are alone with the lack of creativity in our play.

In the last 5 minutes I fancied us to nick it, with Jones (who was very good, again) dinking one just over the bar. However a long ball forward and a lapse in concentration and Eagles was in.
Overall a draw would of been a fair result and the Bolton fans in the suite afterwards seem to agree. The performance was a massive improvement of that against Peterborough, though that wasn't difficult.

Hopefully we can carry the performance into Millwall and get a good result and that brings us onto the derby..

Oh and heard no chants regarding Muamba whats so ever, he got a standing ovation from both sets of fans at half time, not only that this fixture, but the same fixture last season.

Probably not a fair reflection from ChavandProud:

fukin bolton cunts robbed us again. fuking rhodes was pulled back and should of ad a penalty and the ref was biased as fuk. the hanlet effort semed to cross the line but the crossbar stopped it. eagles should not av been on pitch the diving cunt i want to rip his female hart out and hurt him

Anyone remember ScoobyBlue? He was the star of the last Blackburn Behind Enemy Lines. This was his effort after the Bolton victory at Ewood:

I am quietly simmering right now. The slightest thing could set me off. The wife, the kids, the fucking cat. Anything. I want to kill Henning Berg. I want to kill Kevin Davies. I want to kill Steve Kean. I want to kill all the inbreds from Bolton. I want to kill all the hillbillies from Burnley. I will kill you all. There will be nothing left of you. If I see or hear one smug Bolton twat I will kill him. If I see anyone from Bolton I will set them alight and then laugh. No one is safe in Bolton. Or Burnley. Or Norway. I'm sat here in the dark just waiting, waiting for someone to set me off. You were warned.

Well he's back again and the last minute winner has sent him truly mental:

I quietly fester in my corner. I am trying to think happy thoughts but all I can think of is Appleton and what I want to do to him. Should I kill him or keep him alive for several weeks and force him to watch replays of recent Blackburn performances? He will beg me to cut out his eyes. And what of Chris Eagles? I dream of gutting him and wearing his skin like a onesie. My mother wouldn’t approve though. She prefers I gut real men. Like Steve Kean. Mother loves my Steve Kean onesie. I will have to think more about it while I fester here. Just waiting. Waiting for any Bolton twat to cross my path. I will have them. I will wear their horrible little eyes around my neck. As always, you have been warned.

I liked this comment....

Bolton fans managed their 10th-20th year in a row of assaulting Rovers fans outside the ground.

Great work Nat!! My faves:

I've had it with these overpaid cunts. Anyone know where they live? I'm going to tie the twats to a chair and force them to watch me and my mates play football like twats for 90 minutes and then ask em for £30.

and ScoobyBlue the Psycho - made ma laugh reading what he said last time...again...He's waiting again

Brilliant,Nat. You make my day when you produce this stuff. You should get an MBE for it

You just know that half of those people have appeared on Jeremy Kyle.

Good work as always Tash! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

thanks natasha, made me laugh out loud!

I think its brilliant how they describe us as inbred

Nice work again Nat.

ScoobyBlue is my hero.

Mother loves my Steve Kean onesie.

This made me chortle as well:

...if I hadn't been with my kid I'd have been on the pitch and messed up his hair.

Brilliant stuff. A lot of effort has gone into compiling this and full credit where it is due. Made my night.

That was awesome to read. Great job.

So BH did turn up ready to rumble?
"It's no wonder we have a shit reputation as fans. When I got outside the ground some fat twat in a Rovers top was punching himself! I shit you not."

wanderlust wrote:So BH did turn up ready to rumble?
"It's no wonder we have a shit reputation as fans. When I got outside the ground some fat twat in a Rovers top was punching himself! I shit you not."

Superb effort Natasha, some of the funniest comments I have read. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

ScottyBlue seething again

Good work btw Natasha

I liked the," Appleton, take your stupid bald head and stick it up Shebby sings useless arse" comment. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Behind enemy lines is the reason i joined this site - good work Natasha

Well done Natasha, good fun. As you are from Preston and me from Wigan area does that mean we are not hillbillies?

Triumph, Scott and any other new member, Natasha has done a number of the 'B.E.L's' in the past, I've dug a few out for you, if you haven't seen them before.

They are comedy gold!

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Just keep winning which will keep Nat busy as a beaver writing these brilliant columns. One game at a time and don't look up or down the table only what is in front of us that given day.