Awkward Social Situations

I'm not somebody who struggles to interact with other people, but I think we all have certain social situations that we really hate. In no particular order I think the worst moments are:

1) Lift conversations. It's awkward standing in silence in a lift with one person you don't know, but not nearly as awkward as talking to them inanely. As soon as someone says "this lift's a bit slow" followed by an awkward laugh, my heart sinks. The only thing I know we have in common is that we're in the same lift, and my observations on that lift won't stretch for 12 floors. It's painful on so many levels.

2) Walking behind someone through a set of doors. "Thanks.........cheers..........ta mate". Do you say thank you every time they hold a door open, or not bother and risk seeming rude? I always make sure to avoid this situation.

3) Bumping in to someone you kind of know. When you see someone you know but not that well, you're faced with the decision of whether to stop and have a chat or just say hi and walk away. It doesn't really matter, but you absolutely must both make the same decision. If one of you stops and the other walks on, that's a horrible moment for all concerned.

4) Bumping in to that person again five minutes later. If you've stopped and had the stock "not seen you in a while" conversation, the chances are you've run out of things to say and have both gone your seperate ways. If you bump in to them again (say in a supermarket) you absolutely cannot stop and chat again. You have to just make some shitty comment and walk away.

5) Bank/Post Office conversations. "You had a busy day today madam"? "No not really, been busy in here"? "No not really, I prefer it when it's a bit busier, makes the day go by quicker". "Oh yeah, I know what you mean". None of us want to have this shite conversation, so why are we doing it? They should mix it up and ask customers what they think of Jimmy Saville.

Haircuts...

Thats a big one for me.

Going on holiday this year sir?
Got any children?
What have you been up to today?

etc etc...

A shop that does silent haircuts would be a great enterprise...

When you get caught having a shit on somebody's door mat, that gets a little embarrassing.

When all you can say is Hello.

6) Telling a humourous story about drug-fuelled public nudity with an erection to someone and realising halfway through it's about them.
It happened, although in mitigation the story being recounted occurred 12 years earlier and they'd changed beyond all recognition.
Their erection, not mine BTW.

Reebok_Rebel wrote:Haircuts...

A shop that does silent haircuts would be a great enterprise...

I couldn't agree more. I'd drive out of my way to visit a "Silent Barber."

Doing a dump at work.

For some stupid reason the bogs are right in the middle of an open plan office so everyone can see you going in, but more importantly, if you take more than a couple of minutes they know you've been for a dump.

I don't know why this bothers me, but it does.

Reebok_Rebel wrote:Haircuts...

Thats a big one for me.

Going on holiday this year sir?
Got any children?
What have you been up to today?

etc etc...

A shop that does silent haircuts would be a great enterprise...

Something for the weekend sir?

summercummings wrote:Doing a dump at work.

For some stupid reason the bogs are right in the middle of an open plan office so everyone can see you going in, but more importantly, if you take more than a couple of minutes they know you've been for a dump.

I don't know why this bothers me, but it does.

I can understand your concern. My office is right at the end of the corridor, next to the mens toilets. Everytime someone has a poo I can hear it as it hits the water.

My worst moment was one afternoon when I had some customers in my office and all we could hear was some bloke grunting out some huge poo.

When your favourite hooker forgets your name. FFS, you had my knob in your mouth less than 48 hours ago!

Bumping into somebody you once drunkenly got to know sort of, at the pub. Did you cross that line between strangers and people that stop to chat with one another in the street? Do they even remember you? They were pretty pissed! Either way, you want to ignore them, and they probably want the same thing, but it feels bad!

When people find out you've been hiding a secret in the closet.

when you forget someones name seconds after meeting them. i do this all the time.

Reebok_Rebel wrote:Haircuts...

Thats a big one for me.

Going on holiday this year sir?
Got any children?
What have you been up to today?

etc etc...

A shop that does silent haircuts would be a great enterprise...

One of the oldest known jokes dating from the ancient Greeks is:

Customer goes into barber shop.

Barber asks "How do you want your hair cut sir?"

Customer replies "In silence".

not-so-plain-jayne wrote:when you forget someones name seconds after meeting them. i do this all the time.

Me too.

not-so-plain-jayne wrote:when you forget someones name seconds after meeting them. i do this all the time.

When I started my first job at 18 I started on the same day as a guy called Chris.

Chris never turned up, he'd got a better job elsewhere, but the MD of the company mistook me for "Chris" and it was over a year before I plucked up the courage to tell him my name wasn't Chris.

When you're dating a mother and she comes home to catch you shagging her 18 year old daughter.

xmiles wrote:

not-so-plain-jayne wrote:when you forget someones name seconds after meeting them. i do this all the time.

Me too.

...and me, although I always remember people's faces.
As Groucho Marx once said " I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."

I haven't visited a barber since 1986 so I don't have that problem. As for being in a lift with a stranger I don't see the problem? If the person is polite enough to share the time of day then I am happy to reciprocate. If on the other hand, I don't like the cut of his/her cloth then I just pretend I am a foreigner and reply with ' Yes, is very nice.' to every comment they make. They soon shut up.

Banks and Post Office staff are starting to get on my nerves. Years ago, you could just walk in and pay a bill or withdraw cash without any hindrance but nowadays the staff are programmed to try and sell you bloody insurance or some other bloody product that you neither need nor want. Nothing worse than queueing up for five minutes just to buy a book of stamps only to be asked by nice Mr Patel if you have holiday insurance or have you considered a Post office ISA? If I wanted these things I would bloody well ask for them.

My biggest problem is forgetting names of people. Including people I have known for a long time. It's also very embarrassing when someone greets you and calls you by your name and you haven't got a clue who they are! You know that you know them from somewhere but you just can't think where!