Gerbil Up My Ass

I was watching 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' last night, a classic episode where Larry doesn't want to tell the doctor's receptionist what the problem is so he tells her he has a "gerbil up his ass".

Pretty soon the story gets out and all Larry's family and friends think he spends his spare time shoving gerbils up his rectum.

Have you ever said something that was meant to be a joke that has come back to haunt you? Or perhaps you told a lie that came back and bit you on the arse?

I once told a lie that spectacularly bit me on the backside! I used to work for Balfour Beatty and they had this big Christmas do at a posh hotel in Manchester. I was about 21 at the time and friendly with a group of lads the same age - they spent virtually all of November and December telling me about the fit birds they were bringing to the do and mocking my lack of a woman. So I paid extra for one of my hookers to come to the do with me and pretend to be my girlfriend. Victoria she was called, 25, massive tits, legs to die for, so far out of my league it was laughable. But for £350 she was mine for the evening.

Everyone was jealous, Victoria did her job very well, making up stories about how we met and how long we'd been dating etc. But after she'd had a few drinks it started to fall apart, especially when she started handing out "business cards" to my friends and bosses and telling them anecdotes about bad punters.

I'd quit by February.

Gerbil up ass?

Its called Felching apparently. check this out - funniest thing ive seen in years.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0pNeDMowCY

I was looking after the phones in a tyre depot for a mate a long time ago for an hour while he went out, a call came in and an old boy asked to speak to my mate dave so i said who's calling and he said Mr Deadman so being a young twat of a joker it just came out because of his name and i said no mate he's dead!! The old boy was in tears on the phone inconsolable i only saw him last week he said , his poor wife and kids sorry i need to go i dont feel too well he said before i could think of how to get out of it. Dave gets back and i tell him mr deadman called and i told him you were dead, he looked stunned and didn't say anything so i shrugged and said it just came out. He never saw mr deadman again far as i know.

I had one where I told people I was a supermodel with an apartment on Preston Docks, but really I was a receptionist. And a bloke.

Didn't really bite me on my arse, I don't think people took me seriously from the start.

Kane57 wrote:I had one where I told people I was a supermodel with an apartment on Preston Docks, but really I was a receptionist. And a bloke.

Didn't really bite me on my arse, I don't think people took me seriously from the start.

If that was me I would be outraged that people didn't take me seriously.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Kane57 wrote:I had one where I told people I was a supermodel with an apartment on Preston Docks, but really I was a receptionist. And a bloke.

Didn't really bite me on my arse, I don't think people took me seriously from the start.

If that was me I would be outraged that people didn't take me seriously.

Pretty, pretty good!

What series of Curb is this episode in? I'm on 5 at the minute. I think the Larry David character is basically my favourite person ever.

Are you an ex supermodel Nat, may I call you Nat ?

Kane57 wrote:

Pretty, pretty good!

Good, another fan. What's your favourite episode Kane?

Dinae Moe Humm wrote:What series of Curb is this episode in? I'm on 5 at the minute. I think the Larry David character is basically my favourite person ever.

Season 6, episode 10.

My favourite episode ever is The Doll's head.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Kane57 wrote:

Pretty, pretty good!

Good, another fan. What's your favourite episode Kane?

Any with Susie Green

Kane57 wrote:
Any with Susie Green

Ha ha, yes I agree. What a brilliant character. When Jeff and Larry arrive back at the house after stealing the doll's head, and Susie is stood in the driveway - what a classic scene!

What are you fuckin kidding me? You think we're gonna have a nice divorce if we ever get divorced. No fuckin way!

I'm taking you for everything you have Mister. I'm taking your balls, and I'm thumbtacking them to the wall.

i once told a bloke who kept asking me out (who i didn't fancy) that i was a lesbian just to end the awkwardness. less than a week later he caught me snogging a bloke in a club in Bolton.

Kane57 wrote:

What are you fuckin kidding me? You think we're gonna have a nice divorce if we ever get divorced. No fuckin way!

I'm taking you for everything you have Mister. I'm taking your balls, and I'm thumbtacking them to the wall.

Ha ha, brilliant. I love it when she calls Jeff a "fat fuck".

not-so-plain-jayne wrote:i once told a bloke who kept asking me out (who i didn't fancy) that i was a lesbian just to end the awkwardness.

Was he a proper geek ?

scottjames30 wrote:
Was he a proper geek ?

i like geeks, he was the opposite...all muscles and no brain.

not-so-plain-jayne wrote:

scottjames30 wrote:
Was he a proper geek ?

i like geeks, he was the opposite...all muscles and no brain.