Help Wanted

Up and Coming Football Club seeks the following:

Motivated Manager who can eliminate £163 million in debt;
Lose current payroll high rollers (Eagles £30,000, week, N'gog 30's, Knightmare high 20's, Mears mid 20's etc);
Replace with motivated players who will play 90 minutes for peanuts;
Knows how to find a team to play defense and limit the opposition to 2 or 3 shots on goal per game;
Knows how to find a team who can finish like Klasnic could;
Used the term Sir Phil as he hobnobs with management;
Manicures the pitch on the off day;
Shines the boots in the evening.

Please email Sir Phil if interested in the job.

I have a perfect candidate.......

Natasha Whittam

Free blow jobs WARNING wear protection Blue Waffle is about.

I would be more worried about them wonky tits about!   

observer wrote:Up and Coming Football Club seeks the following:

Motivated Manager who can eliminate £163 million in debt;
Lose current payroll high rollers (Eagles £30,000, week, N'gog 30's, Knightmare high 20's, Mears mid 20's etc);
Replace with motivated players who will play 90 minutes for peanuts;
Knows how to find a team to play defense and limit the opposition to 2 or 3 shots on goal per game;
Knows how to find a team who can finish like Klasnic could;
Used the term Sir Phil as he hobnobs with management;
Manicures the pitch on the off day;
Shines the boots in the evening.

Please email Sir Phil if interested in the job.

Not really 'up and coming'. More like ''down and out'.

observer wrote:Up and Coming Football Club seeks the following:

Motivated Manager who can eliminate £163 million in debt;
Lose current payroll high rollers (Eagles £30,000, week, N'gog 30's, Knightmare high 20's, Mears mid 20's etc);
Replace with motivated players who will play 90 minutes for peanuts;
Knows how to find a team to play defense and limit the opposition to 2 or 3 shots on goal per game;
Knows how to find a team who can finish like Klasnic could;
Used the term Sir Phil as he hobnobs with management;
Manicures the pitch on the off day;
Shines the boots in the evening.

Please email Sir Phil if interested in the job.

I started to write a person spec for the job but gave up when I realised no  candidates exist. 
It was entitled "Masochistic miracle-worker wanted" and began..
* Must enjoy abuse from fans, win lose or draw.
* Must enjoy having the piss taken out of him/her by a Chairman who can't believe you were stupid enough to take the job
* Must have sufficient legal expertise to annul cast-iron contracts of lower league standard time wasters on premiership wages who will laugh in your face when you ask them to work harder as it will inconvenience their extended paid holiday at the club's expense
* Must be able to put together a competitive team from the remaining youth players, backroom staff and cleaners
* Must have previous experience of making a silk purse out of a sow's ear

wanderlust wrote:

observer wrote:Up and Coming Football Club seeks the following:

Motivated Manager who can eliminate £163 million in debt;
Lose current payroll high rollers (Eagles £30,000, week, N'gog 30's, Knightmare high 20's, Mears mid 20's etc);
Replace with motivated players who will play 90 minutes for peanuts;
Knows how to find a team to play defense and limit the opposition to 2 or 3 shots on goal per game;
Knows how to find a team who can finish like Klasnic could;
Used the term Sir Phil as he hobnobs with management;
Manicures the pitch on the off day;
Shines the boots in the evening.

Please email Sir Phil if interested in the job.

I started to write a person spec for the job but gave up when I realised no  candidates exist. 
It was entitled "Masochistic miracle-worker wanted" and began..
* Must enjoy abuse from fans, win lose or draw.
* Must enjoy having the piss taken out of him/her by a Chairman who can't believe you were stupid enough to take the job
* Must have sufficient legal expertise to annul cast-iron contracts of lower league standard time wasters on premiership wages who will laugh in your face when you ask them to work harder as it will inconvenience their extended paid holiday at the club's expense
* Must be able to put together a competitive team from the remaining youth players, backroom staff and cleaners
* Must have previous experience of making a silk purse out of a sow's ear

I'll take it!

And you know why.....?

Because I could put up with all that because I would know that no matter how shit I was, all I had to do would be dig my heels in and wait for the inevitable pay-off.

Where else can you sign a four year deal for £150,000 a year, prove yourself to be a fucking clueless prick, get sacked and walk away with the remainder of your contract fully paid up?

Half a million quid for being shit?

Yes please......

wanderlust wrote:

observer wrote:Up and Coming Football Club seeks the following:

Motivated Manager who can eliminate £163 million in debt;
Lose current payroll high rollers (Eagles £30,000, week, N'gog 30's, Knightmare high 20's, Mears mid 20's etc);
Replace with motivated players who will play 90 minutes for peanuts;
Knows how to find a team to play defense and limit the opposition to 2 or 3 shots on goal per game;
Knows how to find a team who can finish like Klasnic could;
Used the term Sir Phil as he hobnobs with management;
Manicures the pitch on the off day;
Shines the boots in the evening.

Please email Sir Phil if interested in the job.

I started to write a person spec for the job but gave up when I realised no  candidates exist. 
It was entitled "Masochistic miracle-worker wanted" and began..
* Must enjoy abuse from fans, win lose or draw.
* Must enjoy having the piss taken out of him/her by a Chairman who can't believe you were stupid enough to take the job
* Must have sufficient legal expertise to annul cast-iron contracts of lower league standard time wasters on premiership wages who will laugh in your face when you ask them to work harder as it will inconvenience their extended paid holiday at the club's expense
* Must be able to put together a competitive team from the remaining youth players, backroom staff and cleaners
* Must have previous experience of making a silk purse out of a sow's ear

Very witty wander but how about just: Manager wanted to realise the potential of one of the best squads in the Championship.

That was the situation this cretin inherited. The fact it's now a bag of nails is down to one person only. Freedman. Wake up man, this is no joke.

Whitesince63 wrote:


Very witty wander but how about just: Manager wanted to realise the potential of one of the best squads in the Championship.

Do you really believe that 63? The league table suggests otherwise.

If the job description is: 'Manager wanted to realise the potential of one of the best squads in the Championship' , then there should be a disclaimer which reads... Club not responsible for hyperbole.

Any Club in all four divisions would fire their manager come Monday morning after that nonsense.

As for long term .... we may or may not remain in the champs for a few more years then down we go when the finances kill us.
I keep on saying .....find a buyer for this club before its too late......clear the debt and get a whole new management team in..... Phil won't do it as it would mean he is gone for starters,

terenceanne wrote:Any Club in all four divisions would fire their manager come Monday morning after that nonsense.

As for long term .... we may or may not remain in the champs for a few more years then down we go when the finances kill us.
I keep on saying .....find a buyer for this club before its too late......clear the debt and get a whole new management team in..... Phil won't do it as it would mean he is gone for starters,

It isn't that drastic.

We have a good keeper, a good holding midfielder who can pass in Ream, decent attacking players in Eagles, Mavies, Beckford & Danns.

We simply need a manager who knows how to defend and motivate. We've had two managers in Coyle and Freedman that are just clueless in the art of defending without putting 10 men behind the ball. They both picked Mills & Knight who must be two of the biggest donkeys playing professional football today.

I keep saying it, but if we'd gone down the Mick McCarthy route (sorry Hipster) no way would we be down the bottom.

Reebok Trotter wrote:

Whitesince63 wrote:


Very witty wander but how about just: Manager wanted to realise the potential of one of the best squads in the Championship.

Do you really believe that 63? The league table suggests otherwise.

If the job description is: 'Manager wanted to realise the potential of one of the best squads in the Championship' , then there should be a disclaimer which reads... Club not responsible for hyperbole.

I believe it totally Rt and so did the media and most other football professionals. We've been mismanaged big styl by this clown and the sooner he's down the road whilst we still do have a half decent squad the sooner the damage can be repaired.

Fair enough 63. I respect your opinion even if I don't necessarily agree. The truth is, we are not as good as we think we are. If we get rid of Dougie, the next Messiah will discover that as well.

Reebok Trotter wrote:Fair enough 63. I respect your opinion even if I don't necessarily agree. The truth is, we are not as good as we think we are. If we get rid of Dougie, the next Messiah will discover that as well.

Sorry, RT, but we all know how shit we are.

We just need a manager who can get the existing playing staff actually playing football.

7 fucking 1 yesterday..........

Losing by the odd goal after playing some decent stuff for an hour is one thing, but letting 7 in is beyond a fucking joke.

Freedman is a one-dimensional manager who got lucky for half a season with Palace, largely thanks to Zaha.

Garty gambled on him and it's not fucking working.

Look at the league table........

He's shit and we need a change.

spot on Breadman, agree 100%, his time is up and now he has come out and said in public that the players are not good enough will not really inspire them will it? The ones out of contract probably can't wait to leave and good riddance to them.

Norpig wrote:spot on Breadman, agree 100%, his time is up and now he has come out and said in public that the players are not good enough will not really inspire them will it? The ones out of contract probably can't wait to leave and good riddance to them.

I agree that publicly saying the players are not good enough isn't a great move. Mind you, the manager got slagged off when he defended his players so he can't win either way. You never know - maybe Dougie will humiliate them into pulling their fingers out, but I'm firmly on the side of those that believe they are just not as good as they think they are so the amount of effort they put in won't make much difference anyway.

To suggest that the ones out of contract "can't wait to leave" is way off the mark though - they seem set on staying as long as they can seeing as there's no way they'll ever get such lucrative contracts again.

Interestingly, Whittam posted "we" have a few decent players earlier in the thread.
(We have a good keeper, a good holding midfielder who can pass in Ream, decent attacking players in Eagles, Mavies, Beckford & Danns.)

I wouldn't say any of them have shown that they are any better than the average Championship player in their respective positions and wouldn't pick a single one of them for a Championship team of the season.

This squad was hyped up by the media and a few deluded fans - a perfect example of setting us up for a fall.

The club is shit from top to bottom it needs a complete clear out.

Angry Dad wrote:The club is shit from top to bottom it needs a complete clear out.

So how could that happen?
That's basically what Dougie is saying (about certain players) except that he can't get rid of them as they're on fat contracts and can't be forced out against their will.
Gartside won't sack himself.
So if you can't get rid of the players or the Chairman all you can do is replace the manager and get a new one who will have to deal with the same shit players and Chairman i.e. no change apart from having run up even more debt shuffling the manager.

The best possible short term solution would be to arrange a practice match between all the players whose contracts we'd like to have terminated yesterday and Red Star Belgrade.

Contracts over, salary budget available and insurance money piling into the club with the additional bonus of years of media sympathy. Win-win.

observer wrote:Up and Coming Football Club seeks the following:

Motivated Manager who can eliminate £163 million in debt;
Lose current payroll high rollers (Eagles £30,000, week, N'gog 30's, Knightmare high 20's, Mears mid 20's etc);
R

Were on earth do you get these wage quotations from?

I think he is probably about right with the wages, Triumph.