My Trip To Bolton Central

Popped into the Bolton club shop this morning, probably the first time I've ventured there in 10 years or so.

I say I popped in, I arrived at fooking 9.45am and the place was shut! Utter twats! Anyway, after wasting 15 minutes wandering the Middlebrook I returned to the club shop to buy a replica shirt for someone in the family.

And oh how the world has changed. There was a time when there were 4 sizes in replica kits - small, medium, large & XL. But fook me, there's now XXL, 3XL, 4XL, 5XL, 6XL & JohnnyXL. The 6XL looked like it was made for whole families to live in.

And worse, the 6XL is the same fooking price as the small size even though it uses about four times the material. Surely the fatties should be paying a premium, I'm definitely writing to Phil Gartside to encourage him to put some sort of fatty-tax on the shirts.

Anyway, when I'd finally gotten over this shock I took the shirt to the tills to pay. I asked to keep the hanger because it was one of those chunky ones and I never have enough of those. To my utter disbelief the bint behind the counter said I couldn't have it. First time in my life I have ever been refused a hanger. When I asked why she simply trotted out the "company policy" standard line. Twats!

It'll be another 10 years before I venture there again.

Natasha Whittam wrote:JohnnyXL.

can you not disappear again please. can't believe i actually wanted you back posting.

So you've created a thread to have a moan about not getting a free coat-hanger and yet you have the audacity to call me and Amos boring.

Right then........

and i wear xxl. i can get away with xl but i like my clothes baggy as i constantly have hard nipples

TMI mate TMI 

Breadman wrote:So you've created a thread to have a moan about not getting a free coat-hanger and yet you have the audacity to call me and Amos boring.

Right then........

I don't remember calling you boring. And if you don't think a free hanger is important then you have a funny take on life.

Norpig wrote:TMI mate TMI 

can't help it norpig,

Got  to watch out in BC,because the sizes seem to be of the Euro variety.
I'm a medium,but have to buy large in there.

A couple of months ago, Mrs McD came home with about 40, new, matching hangers and proceeded to throw out all the existing ones hanging in her wardrobe.

'I wanted them to match!'

W! T! F!

I once had to translate for Mrs B (she's from Salford, remember) in Tesco at Middlebrook.

The girl on the checkout asked her "Jawon yanga?" and Mrs B didn't have a clue.

True story.

EXCHANGE BETWEEN A MAN ACCUSED OF STEALING 40.000 COAT HANGERS FROM VARIOUS HOTELS AROUND THE WORLD.AND A BARRISTER.


Counsel: What is your name?
Chrysler: Chrysler. Arnold Chrysler.
Counsel: Is that your own name?
Chrysler: Whose name do you think it is?
Counsel: I am just asking if it is your name.
Chrysler: And I have just told you it is. Why do you doubt it?
Counsel: It is not unknown for people to give a false name in court.
Chrysler: Which court?
Counsel: This court.
Chrysler: What is the name of this court?
Counsel: This is No 5 Court.
Chrysler: No, that is the number of this court. What is the name of this court?
Counsel: It is quite immaterial what the name of this court is!
Chrysler: Then perhaps it is immaterial if Chrysler is really my name.
Counsel: No, not really, you see because...
Judge: Mr Lovelace?
Counsel: Yes, m'lud?
Judge: I think Mr Chrysler is running rings round you already. I would try a new line of attack if I were you.
Counsel: Thank you, m'lud.
Chrysler: And thank you from ME, m'lud. It's nice to be appreciated.
Judge: Shut up, witness.
Chrysler: Willingly, m'lud. It is a pleasure to be told to shut up by you. For you, I would...
Judge: Shut up, witness. Carry on, Mr Lovelace.
Counsel: Now, Mr Chrysler – for let us assume that that is your name – you are accused of purloining in excess of 40,000 hotel coat hangers.
Chrysler: I am.
Counsel: Can you explain how this came about?
Chrysler: Yes. I had 40,000 coats which I needed to hang up.
Counsel: Is that true?
Chrysler: No.
Counsel: Then why did you say it?
Chrysler: To attempt to throw you off balance.
Counsel: Off balance?
Chrysler: Certainly. As you know, all barristers seek to undermine the confidence of any hostile witness, or defendant. Therefore it must be equally open to the witness, or defendant, to try to shake the confidence of a hostile barrister.
Counsel: On the contrary, you are not here to indulge in cut and thrust with me. You are only here to answer my questions.
Chrysler: Was that a question?
Counsel: No.
Chrysler: Then I can't answer it.
Judge: Come on, Mr Lovelace! I think you are still being given the run-around here. You can do better than that. At least, for the sake of the English bar, I hope you can.
Counsel: Yes, m'lud. Now, Mr Chrysler, perhaps you will describe what reason you had to steal 40,000 coat hangers?
Chrysler: Is that a question?
Counsel: Yes.
Chrysler: It doesn't sound like one. It sounds like a proposition which doesn't believe in itself. You know – "Perhaps I will describe the reason I had to steal 40,000 coat hangers... Perhaps I won't... Perhaps I'll sing a little song instead..."
Judge: In fairness to Mr Lovelace, Mr Chrysler, I should remind you that barristers have an innate reluctance to frame a question as a question. Where you and I would say, "Where were you on Tuesday?", they are more likely to say, "Perhaps you could now inform the court of your precise whereabouts on the day after that Monday?". It isn't, strictly, a question, and it is not graceful English but you must pretend that it is a question and then answer it, otherwise we will be here for ever. Do you understand?
Chrysler: Yes, m'lud.
Judge: Carry on, Mr Lovelace.
Counsel: Mr Chrysler, why did you steal 40,000 hotel coat hangers, knowing as you must have that hotel coat hangers are designed to be useless outside hotel wardrobes?
Chrysler: Because I build and sell wardrobes which are specially designed to take nothing but hotel coat hangers.
Sensation in court. 

Breadman wrote:I once had to translate for Mrs B (she's from Salford, remember) in Tesco at Middlebrook.

The girl on the checkout asked her "Jawon yanga?" and Mrs B didn't have a clue.

True story.

Brilliant! "jawon yanga?" I can't stop saying it.

If you ever get fed up with all that graphic design stuff, there will always be a job for you at Tesco with skills like that.

Clearly hangers are more important than you thought Breadman. There have been more posts about hangers than BWFC so far today.

I think that says more about BWFC than it does about hangers.

Jawon Yanga FC is my new fantasy footy team name.

finlaymcdanger wrote:Jawon Yanga FC is my new fantasy footy team name.

Team cap?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

boltonbonce wrote:EXCHANGE BETWEEN A MAN ACCUSED OF STEALING 40.000 COAT HANGERS FROM VARIOUS HOTELS AROUND THE WORLD.AND A BARRISTER.


Counsel: What is your name?
Chrysler: Chrysler. Arnold Chrysler.
Counsel: Is that your own name?
Chrysler: Whose name do you think it is?
Counsel: I am just asking if it is your name.
Chrysler: And I have just told you it is. Why do you doubt it?
Counsel: It is not unknown for people to give a false name in court.
Chrysler: Which court?
Counsel: This court.
Chrysler: What is the name of this court?
Counsel: This is No 5 Court.
Chrysler: No, that is the number of this court. What is the name of this court?
Counsel: It is quite immaterial what the name of this court is!
Chrysler: Then perhaps it is immaterial if Chrysler is really my name.
Counsel: No, not really, you see because...
Judge: Mr Lovelace?
Counsel: Yes, m'lud?
Judge: I think Mr Chrysler is running rings round you already. I would try a new line of attack if I were you.
Counsel: Thank you, m'lud.
Chrysler: And thank you from ME, m'lud. It's nice to be appreciated.
Judge: Shut up, witness.
Chrysler: Willingly, m'lud. It is a pleasure to be told to shut up by you. For you, I would...
Judge: Shut up, witness. Carry on, Mr Lovelace.
Counsel: Now, Mr Chrysler – for let us assume that that is your name – you are accused of purloining in excess of 40,000 hotel coat hangers.
Chrysler: I am.
Counsel: Can you explain how this came about?
Chrysler: Yes. I had 40,000 coats which I needed to hang up.
Counsel: Is that true?
Chrysler: No.
Counsel: Then why did you say it?
Chrysler: To attempt to throw you off balance.
Counsel: Off balance?
Chrysler: Certainly. As you know, all barristers seek to undermine the confidence of any hostile witness, or defendant. Therefore it must be equally open to the witness, or defendant, to try to shake the confidence of a hostile barrister.
Counsel: On the contrary, you are not here to indulge in cut and thrust with me. You are only here to answer my questions.
Chrysler: Was that a question?
Counsel: No.
Chrysler: Then I can't answer it.
Judge: Come on, Mr Lovelace! I think you are still being given the run-around here. You can do better than that. At least, for the sake of the English bar, I hope you can.
Counsel: Yes, m'lud. Now, Mr Chrysler, perhaps you will describe what reason you had to steal 40,000 coat hangers?
Chrysler: Is that a question?
Counsel: Yes.
Chrysler: It doesn't sound like one. It sounds like a proposition which doesn't believe in itself. You know – "Perhaps I will describe the reason I had to steal 40,000 coat hangers... Perhaps I won't... Perhaps I'll sing a little song instead..."
Judge: In fairness to Mr Lovelace, Mr Chrysler, I should remind you that barristers have an innate reluctance to frame a question as a question. Where you and I would say, "Where were you on Tuesday?", they are more likely to say, "Perhaps you could now inform the court of your precise whereabouts on the day after that Monday?". It isn't, strictly, a question, and it is not graceful English but you must pretend that it is a question and then answer it, otherwise we will be here for ever. Do you understand?
Chrysler: Yes, m'lud.
Judge: Carry on, Mr Lovelace.
Counsel: Mr Chrysler, why did you steal 40,000 hotel coat hangers, knowing as you must have that hotel coat hangers are designed to be useless outside hotel wardrobes?
Chrysler: Because I build and sell wardrobes which are specially designed to take nothing but hotel coat hangers.
Sensation in court. 

Holy shit, I was in the club shop this morning too. Now I've seen this i know what Whittam looks like!