Current adverts that get right on your tits

You may recall I have a major issue with TV advertisements. They are humourless, aggressive, broadcast at an excessive volume, often sexist against men and incredibly annoying.

In an attempt to circumvent having to endure adverts, I watch as much TV as possible on a delay via Sky+ so I can fast-forward past the adverts. I hate them. Insurance adverts are the worst, but they have been joined in recent years by sub-prime lending and gambling as the dog shit on the metaphorical shoe of broadcasting life in this country.

There are three adverts that really upset me at the moment.

1 - Clive Tyldesley and the Mars bar eating twat who 'steps in' to take part in a penalty shootout for England v Holland. Clive's lines in that ad grate me, every single one of them. Fuck off, I can't wait for the Euros to be over so that this bag of wank is out of my life forever.

2 - Having to listen to an awful bastardisation of YMCA by The Village People while some cheery whore tells me that if I sign up for car insurance through her website I will get 1,000 Nectar points as a reward. So let me see, a purchase of several hundred pounds worth of insurance and you will give me a fiver to spend at Sainsburys, and this will "fill me with glee", apparently. If you look closely, she even pulls the Nectar points out of her knickers.

3 - The series of Paddy Power adverts based on some sad cunts writing on their facebook wall. This week it is based on someone saying they can't believe vuvuzuelas have been banned from Euro 2012 as they were great fun. Really? Great fun? Reslly? I actually emailed BWFC after the 2010 World Cup to say if those things were allowed in the ground I would never set foot in the Reebok again. In fact, the previous Paddy Power adverts with that patronising bitch saying 'concentrate' wound me up as well. Tossers.

I'm really upset just describing these adverts. All this live sport at the moment is making avoiding them really difficult.

I fully understand the power of advertising, and if you've got David Beckham or Messi in your advert you are likely to sell a lot more of your product than if you'd cast a random actor.

However, what I do have an issue with is adverts using z-list footballers like Paul Ince or commentators like Clive Tyldesley - no one is going out to buy a product because Paul Ince told them to.

It's about time everyone got Sky+ so we could get rid of adverts altogether.

Anything with that chubby kneed flat chested geordie bint in it. were worth it girls.

That singing pillock that advertises Go Compare and the idiots who want to buy my house. What a load of bollox. They have never even seen my house. It's nothing more than a shoebox in the middle of a motorway. Lying twats is what they are.

Anything involving "injury lawyers" or "cash4quick" or any of that bollocks.

Hipster_Nebula wrote:Anything involving "injury lawyers" or "cash4quick" or any of that bollocks.

Hipster beat me to it, I was just going to say how much I hate the ambulance chasing lawyers. Scum of the earth.

the 'Go Compare' adverts with that fat moustachioed twat on them really grates at me...

also, I hate the 'bounty' adverts with that guy 'Juan sheet' (one sheet :-/ ) who looks like a paedophile.

sky sports news - just as its closing for one of many ad-breaks and you get that 'im on my waaaaaaeeeeiiieeeeeey' song, just becasue it shows a guy and a girl getting in to a ford fiesta with 2 tickets to the match - as fucking usual, they have to be tickets to go and watch the manc scum bastards and not a normal club - even though they are obviously not anywere near OT. ok, I see it could be Arsenal or Forest or a lot of other clubs - but it wont be, it will be the Glory hunting gobshites...

those personal injury adverts like 'the PI helpline' with that fat twat pretending that he REALLY gives a shit you broke your leg while trying to nick lead from a church roof...

The same with all these 'claim back PPI' adverts... who take about 20% of the money you get fucking over banks that cant afford it already giving you back something you signed for...oh sorry, it was 'mis-sold'. go on - claim it back, then wait till you lose your job or get injured ...then lose your house and your car and get in to arrears with your credit cards, as you no longer have PPI you stupid cunts!

il think of many more....

Reebok_Rebel wrote:

those personal injury adverts like 'the PI helpline' with that fat twat pretending that he REALLY gives a shit you broke your leg while trying to nick lead from a church roof...

I hate the Plus Net adverts with that stupid tosser and his silly dancing to the Plus Net band and Plus Net cheerleaders. Its not even funny. The Plus Net cheerleaders throw one of their cheerleaders in the air and that fat bellend says 'I can do that. Not today obviously'. hahahaha you fucking arsehole.

I remember years ago like back in the 80s, adverts were really funny and good. It tied in with how many good sit coms were made in that era. We are completely devoid of good writers nowadays. People who try and be funny simply aren't. I would be able to write million times better adverts and sit coms than the shit on TV nowadays.

I absolutely hate that knob wipe that is Paul Whitehouse and his shitty Aviva adverts. Its not funny at all. I bet when he writes these pieces of shite he is laughing and chuckling away thinking he is ace, he is just a cunt.

I love it when Malcolm (you'll always be Malcolm to me) gets going on something. Brilliant.

largehat wrote:I love it when Malcolm (you'll always be Malcolm to me) gets going on something. Brilliant.

I agree, but he'll always be Mich to me.

largehat wrote:
There are three adverts that really upset me at the moment.

1 - Clive Tyldesley and the Mars bar eating twat who 'steps in' to take part in a penalty shootout for England v Holland. Clive's lines in that ad grate me, every single one of them. Fuck off, I can't wait for the Euros to be over so that this bag of wank is out of my life forever.

I circumvent adverts. But ironically I quite like some ads and appreciate how good they really are.
However that MARS BAR ad needs to be banned. Don't know why. It just does. I thought nobody else had noticed it - I cringe, I really do.

Say I am watching a film or the England match, I will pause it at the start for 10 mins or 15 or more (depending on the number and length of ads I expect during the televisual feast) and then I do something useful with my time while it's on pause, then I watch the program straight through and skip the ads.

For example, whilst enduring x factor last year I did this, managed to watch the (almost) 2 hour episodes in 1 hour without missing a single act. I WON AN HOUR OF LIFE BACK!

Technically with all the ad skipping I do, I have probably added about 6 months to my life span so far.

Can't stand the Walls talking dog adverts. Pathetic looking bloke and utterly stupid from start to finish !

Spirit of 58 wrote:Can't stand the Walls talking dog adverts. Pathetic looking bloke and utterly stupid from start to finish !

And the garage attendant hasn't a fcking clue what he is on about. I reckon she may be an Azerbajani.

The little man on a horse, the little man on the couch, the little man in a boat.

I hate that advert where Joe Pasquale says "I've had an accident". I am sure he is referring to the fact he has pissed his pants.

Another shite advert is the Santander shite - "You wake up you save, you eat you save, you fill up the family car, you save, you dance you glance, try a little romance, you save, stick someone in a suitcase, you save". Give it a rest love.

Michael, as soon as I hear "I've had an accident" I scramble like a bastard to hit the mute button on my remote. That advert is painful. I would like to kick Joe Pasquale in the bollocks.

The advert that has upset me most over the years was Carol Vorderman advertising Ocean Finance.

I think it is disgusting that she was not content earning a million pounds a year for doing a few sums on Countdown that she had to profit from the deluded perceptions of the underclass that this qualified her to recommend financial services, and in so doing, encouraging people with very little money or a positive credit history to take massive unsecured personal loans at extortionate interest rates.

I actually used to sit through that advert, spitting the most heinous bile imaginable at the TV. I've hated Vorderman ever since.

Andrew Castle is another greedy bastard who succumbed to the lure of the lira to give money lenders an honest face. Pure greed.

P.S. Carol Vorderman has a lovely backside.

They aren't adverts, they are commercials