Behind Enemy Lines: Season Preview

Those of you that follow my work will know I do a ‘Behind Enemy Lines’ article after every Bolton victory. It’s basically a humorous look at what opposition fans are saying about us, and as you can imagine it’s usually full of abuse. Hopefully I’ll be able to do one after the Burnley game, as I didn’t seem to get much opportunity last season.

Anyway, as a taster for the real thing, last week I posted a message on a forum for every club in the Championship. I asked how they thought Bolton would fare in the Championship. I got plenty of replies, some good and some completely irrational. Here is a selection.

BARNSLEY

GED27: Bolton will be a class above everything in the Championship, can see them winning the league by 10 points. Coyle is a class manager at this level and in Kevin Davies and David Ngog has the best strike partnership outside the Premier League.

BigArseDave: Fuck off you Bolton twat

BarnsleyBob: Good manager but no great signings in my opinion. Probably play-offs, but if Ngog comes good could be higher.

BIRMINGHAM CITY

BigTits: I fukin hate Bolton bastards hopefully relegated by Christmas the cunts

Diasydoo: Impressed by Ream and Wheater towards the end of last season, if Coyle can find someone to score the goals you will win the league at a canter.

BrummyBummy: Shit team, shit manager, shit fat bastard Davies, shit fans, shit soulless ground, shit players, shit chairman, shit groundsman, shit town, shit comedians, shit cyclists, shit ugly women, shit Bolton. Will probably finish top 4.

BLACKBURN ROVERS

Darwen_Ender: Can’t believe you bastards finished above us last season with that Burnley twat in charge. I don’t think you’ll go down but don’t think you’ll be pushing us at the top either.

Keanoout: fink you will win the leage but hope you go bust

Wanky_Wanderers: Fuck off and die you cunt

BLACKPOOL

BFC1953: Coyle is a good manager who plays football the right way, I think you’ll finish top two and Davies will score 15+ at this level.

Tangerinetracy: Looking forward to the games between two good footballing sides, can see us both in the play-offs.

KillPNE: I hope there is a bus crash and all the Bolton players are injured (davies fat bastard dead) and we beat you 25-0 and you go down

BRIGHTON

HoveAndOut: Can’t wait to play Bolton, last time I saw us play each other was in the 90’s in the FA Cup when you knocked us out 2-1. I think Bolton will be too strong for most teams and finish top or second. Good luck.

Brighton Bill: I think you might struggle as passing teams find it difficult with all the cloggers about. Still should make the play-offs.

FannyCraddock: Coyle is a top manager and I fully expect him to be a Premier League manager again come May.

BRISTOL CITY

City Till I Die23: Shit on the Bolton, shit on the Bolton

Jason_Blue_Frog: Midtable I rekon, some good players but don’t know where goals will come from

Rovers R My Bitch: Fuck off back to Bolton you northern cocksucker. Relegation hopefully.

BURNLEY

BurnleyBrendanC: I hope you all die a slow painful death, get resurrected, then die all over again. And I want to video it and play it at my wedding and then sell the film rights to Hollywood. Michelle McManus will play Kevin Davies and Dean Gaffney will play Owen Coyle. Twats.

GemmaGemma: We don’t all hate Owen Coyle, he will always be a legend to me. He’ll get Bolton promoted next season.

ICU45: FUK U BOLTON TOSSER, I EAT YOUR CHILDREN FOR TEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CARDIFF CITY

BluebirdBev: Good manager with some good players, play-offs at least. Ngog will score 20 at this level.

GaryGreenhouse: Will be up there all season, if Stuart Holden gets fit early enough you will probably walk it, he’s a class player.

MillerTime: Don’t know if you have the strikers to finish in top two, although Kevin Davies will ruffle a few feathers. Play-offs for definite though.

CHARLTON ATH.
LondonAddick: I like Owen Coyle but whether he has the balls to scrap in this league I’m not so sure. Probably top 10, higher if you sign a decent forward.

CashInTheAttic: Champions without a doubt, Sordell looked excellent for GB and will score 25 goals at this level.

JeremyFartson: If we finish above Bolton we will be promoted.

CRYSTAL PALACE

SydenhamSidney: I hope that fat twat Davies breaks his leg in three places.

Colin_Farrelly: Top 6 easily, Coyle knows his stuff.

GinaGAB: Looking forward to this one, remember getting stuffed 5-2 at the Reebok Stadium a few years back when we got relegated – the Bolton fans were excellent. I think you’ll finish in the top two and Sordell will score a bagfull.

DERBY COUNTY

Twotface: whenever I see coyles face I want to punch it and the same with kevin daves the chubby cunt.

County_Clough: Champions by April, too many PL quality players for the likes of us.

Derby89DF: If you post on this forum again I will personally fuck you up.

HUDDERSFIELD TOWN

Townhouseboyette: If Holden is fit I think you will finish top 2, without him you might struggle and play-offs might be the best you can hope for.

JordansLeftBall: Owen Coyle is the best manager in this league and you will win it with ease in my opinion.

Tosser: Fuck off I fucking hate fucking Bolton and their fucking shit supporters and fucking shit ground.

HULL CITY

BruceyBaby: Who are Bolton?

Hull_Heaven69: Going down, you are the next Southampton/Norwich/Bradford/Leeds. Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of cocks.

KennyRogan7: Play-offs if you can shore up that leaky defence from last season.

IPSWICH TOWN

BarryKnightsLoveChild: One Barry Knight, there’s only one Barry Knight, one Barry Knight, there’s only one Barry Knight. One Barry Knight, there’s only one Barry Knight, one Barry Knight, there’s only one Barry Knight. One Barry Knight, there’s only one Barry Knight, one Barry Knight, there’s only one Barry Knight. One Barry Knight, there’s only one Barry Knight, one Barry Knight, there’s only one Barry Knight. One Barry Knight, there’s only one Barry Knight, one Barry Knight, there’s only one Barry Knight.

TractorGirl21: I am in love with Owen Coyle, what a happy chappy he is! Even if you get relelgated he’ll still have a big smile on his face.

Duggytuggy: Bottom half, another big club who think the championship will be a walk in the park. It isn’t.

LEEDS UNITED:

GraysonsGaySon: I hope your dick falls off.

Yeboahs_Left_Boot: Fuck off you Bolton twat

FlannelFish: If you come to Leeds I will gut you.

LEICESTER CITY

Sven6789: Our main rivals to most City fans, I hope they are right! Coyle is a shrewd man, should be a comfortable top two spot for Bolton.

COTTEEEEEE: Champions.

FilbertDilbert: Coyle is a good man but like most managers who come down (like ours in the past) he will underestimate this league and struggle to reach the play-offs.

MIDDLESBROUGH:

WoodgatesSmellySock: The team to beat I should think. Kevin Davies will scare most defenders shitless.

AyresomeParkWasBest: I have no opinion.

BoroMojo: You always seem to stuff us at our place. You’ll do it again.

MILLWALL:

Kennys Jacket45: I can see you hiding. Why are you hiding? Do you see my light? I can tell you know. The dark is light, the light is dark. I can see you hiding. Hiding.

JasonsHair: Too much class for this division, champions by 12+ points.

Lazyeye Larry: Coyle is a top manager and will have too much know-how for this league.

NOTTINGHAM FOREST:

BrianCloughIsGod: I don’t think your defence is good enough to win the league, but I’d be surprised if you didn’t finish in the play-off places. Kevin Davies will scare a few along the way!

FrancisDrake55: I’ve always hated Bolton, right from being a small child. I don’t know why, I’ve never even been to Bolton or know anyone from Bolton, but I hate them all the same. Coyle looks like a used car salesman about to torch his stock, Kevin Davies always looks like he’s shit himself, and Martin Petrov is surely the laziest bugger in the world.

Shitondacounty: Wankers. Bolton wankers. Wankers.

PETERBOROUGH UNITED

Fergiesson: Top 2 without a doubt, Andrews was a quality signing and Mark Davies looks quality too. Kevin Davies to be Championship’s leading scorer.

Cambridge_Posh_Lad: we will fukin dik u an cum all over u an den laugh r tits off

JohnnyComeHomePlease: Top manager, top strikers, top midfield, suspect defence all adds upto an entertaining season and, ultimately, promotion.

SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY

Laughing_Gas90: Should have too much for the rest of the division, probably a shoot-out with Blackburn for top spot.

DIEMEGSONDIE: You cunts, you absolute cunts. If you hadn’t sacked that ginger cunt Megson I wouldn’t have had to endure the worst months of my life. I fucking hate that cunt, I spend my weekends shouting abuse through his letterbox and pissing on his ginger flowers.

Ginger_Killer: I feel like we are brothers after we both had to put up with that morbid twat Gary Megson. If you do get promoted (as I suspect you will) Megson will claim credit you know!

WATFORD:

EltonsWilly: Owen Coyle knows his stuff, great tactician and motivator. I expect Bolton to win the league, just hope the Hornets are hanging onto your coattails!

Turniphead: Bolton will be too good for the rest of the Championship, we’re playing for second place. N’Gog will destroy these defences.

YellowArmyMan: I once went to Bolton. It rained. A dog licked me. I went home.

WOLVES

MicksMother: My personal feeling is it will be a straight fight between the two Wanderers for the top spot. We are the one and only Wanderers!

SteveBull1970: Fuck off back to your own forum you stupid wanker, no one gives a shit about Bolton on here or anywhere else for that matter. I hope Kevin Davies eats all your pies.

MolineuxMolester: I often dream of bundling a Bolton fan into the back of my van and cutting their heart out. Does this make me weird? Of course not, it’s only natural. I will then cook the heart and eat it with McDonalds fries and a nice can of Stella. Hmmm.

------------------------------------------

It's clear there are some complete arseholes out there, especially at Leeds and Wolves. But it's also interesting (and foolish) to note that a lot of opposition fans seem to rate Owen Coyle and see Bolton as a good bet for automatic promotion. Let's hope they're right.

Natasha Whittam wrote:


SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY

Laughing_Gas90: Should have too much for the rest of the division, probably a shoot-out with Blackburn for top spot.

DIEMEGSONDIE: You cunts, you absolute cunts. If you hadn’t sacked that ginger cunt Megson I wouldn’t have had to endure the worst months of my life. I fucking hate that cunt, I spend my weekends shouting abuse through his letterbox and pissing on his ginger flowers.

Ginger_Killer: I feel like we are brothers after we both had to put up with that morbid twat Gary Megson. If you do get promoted (as I suspect you will) Megson will claim credit you know!

Are you sure?

I thought they worshipped the scumbag, and hated us for not liking him.

doffcocker wrote:


Are you sure?

I thought they worshipped the scumbag, and hated us for not liking him.

There were about 50 messages, I picked the abusive ones.

Natasha, this is brilliant! More of this and less Jessica Ennis bashing please!!!

Good work Natasha, its always good to see what other fans think of us: My favourite response:

BrummyBummy: Shit team, shit manager, shit fat bastard Davies, shit fans, shit soulless ground, shit players, shit chairman, shit groundsman, shit town, shit comedians, shit cyclists, shit ugly women, shit Bolton. Will probably finish top 4.



The vast majority rate Coyle and our chances, which is nice

Funny.

Can you post the links to the forums would love to read the rest.

Excellent post first class.

These are my personal favourites:

Derby89DF: If you post on this forum again I will personally fuck you up.

FlannelFish: If you come to Leeds I will gut you.

Kennys Jacket45: I can see you hiding. Why are you hiding? Do you see my light? I can tell you know. The dark is light, the light is dark. I can see you hiding. Hiding.

FrancisDrake55: Coyle looks like a used car salesman about to torch his stock

Cambridge_Posh_Lad: we will fukin dik u an cum all over u an den laugh r tits off

DIEMEGSONDIE: You cunts, you absolute cunts. If you hadn’t sacked that ginger cunt Megson I wouldn’t have had to endure the worst months of my life. I fucking hate that cunt, I spend my weekends shouting abuse through his letterbox and pissing on his ginger flowers.

And isn't it INTERESTING how much FEAR and RESPECT Kevin Davies gets from impartial non-Bolton fans. I suppose the stock response will be "they don't get to see him week in week out", but not a single one of the respondents said he was shit. I'm with them.

Wankers.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

LEEDS UNITED:

FlannelFish: If you come to Leeds I will gut you.

LOL!

Great work Natasha!

largehat wrote:

And isn't it INTERESTING how much FEAR and RESPECT Kevin Davies gets from impartial non-Bolton fans. I suppose the stock response will be "they don't get to see him week in week out", but not a single one of the respondents said he was shit. I'm with them.

It's just about reputation. The media are out of touch with what actually goes on at clubs like Bolton. The fact he's still so widely regarded as our most influential player is only an indication of this.

doffcocker wrote:
It's just about reputation. The media are out of touch with what actually goes on at clubs like Bolton. The fact he's still so widely regarded as our most influential player is only an indication of this.

I don't know how much you can attribute their views to the media. Is your view of, say, Craig Bellamy completely determined by what you read and hear in the media, or on your experience of seeing him play?

Not a single remark saying he is shit. Anyway, I've made my point on this, I think what you said the other day about Davies wsa pretty bang on, I just find it pretty telling what other fans think.

largehat wrote:
I don't know how much you can attribute their views to the media. Is your view of, say, Craig Bellamy completely determined by what you read and hear in the media, or on your experience of seeing him play?

Not a single remark saying he is shit. Anyway, I've made my point on this, I think what you said the other day about Davies wsa pretty bang on, I just find it pretty telling what other fans think.

I think a lot of people make up their minds on snippets they see, with help from the media. If people saw Kevin score two goals at Sunderland on MOTD one week, then read "Bolton won't be going down if captain marvel Kevin Davies has anything to do with it" in the Sun by somebody else that only watched MOTD the next, they're going to think he'll be a big asset at Championship level.

But I'm glad we agree on some level about Kevin. I've noticed some point-scoring emerging - I sometimes even think you'd tell me I'm wrong about him, because Stevie Wonder's a big fan.

Apparently, there's only one Barry Knight.

Nat,a great piece of work. It must have taken you ages. Thanks.



As has been mentioned many other fans have a high regard for SKD but also think that Coyle is a good tactical manager and we are a good passing team. As has also been mentioned, I think this demonstrates the power of the press.

lol, really enjoyed that natasha! when you see it in black and white you see how mental football fans can be!

Natasha Whittam wrote:
BLACKPOOL

BFC1953: Coyle is a good manager who plays football the right way, I think you’ll finish top two and Davies will score 15+ at this level.

Poor deluded child.

Natasha Whittam wrote:
KillPNE: I hope there is a bus crash and all the Bolton players are injured (davies fat bastard dead) and we beat you 25-0 and you go down

Nat... im not happy with the above quote. Im really going to have to up my game now... he's good.

Tosser: Fuck off I fucking hate fucking Bolton and their fucking shit supporters and fucking shit ground.

I can't believe someone chose the handle "tosser"