Behind Enemy Lines - Watford

Tough one this week as Watford fans seem to be quite a level-headed bunch. I had to expand my search to Twitter and Facebook to bring you the following. Hopefully Sheffield Wednesday fans will up the quality for Saturday.

domthehornet reads the papers:

The danger man for Bolton will be Kevin Davies who will bully our centre backs and introduce them to the English game

Eltons_Johnny spends his days in the local morgue:

Good to see Geijo fit but what the hell is going on with Fitz Hall? I've seen fitter corpses.

Abbey Hornet is deluded:

Bolton are a solid side and right to be one of the favourites for promotion

Horny_Hornet gets on the Kevin Davies hype bus:

Not happy about this one, old bug eyes will no doubt score a hat-trick and Kevin Davies will kill two of our players.

Norman_No_Shoes likes ex-players:

Fukin sordel is shit, we are bound to win if he plays

At precisely 3.03pm Willy_Watford makes a bold prediction:

Defence looks tight for this one, I can see a clean sheet.

At precisely 3.04pm Willy_Watford is not so bold:

Fuck off Zola you Italian war criminal

Bolton are 1-0 up and HornetHag accuses the Watford players of playing 5-a-side all week:

I cant fuckin believe it, will this team ever learn? What the fuck do they do all week, play with a head-height rule?

Vicarage135 is living in 2011:

Mills plays for fookin Reading, how did he score for Bolton? Cheating cunts.

CheztheBez needs a few tips from Doffcocker on insulting Kevin Davies:

were getting pizzed on from a great hight by fuckin kevin davies he must be older than my first dirty nappy.

Bolton score a second and WayneCole17 thinks the simple ones are the best:

Fuck off, Zola out.

This is be DirtyDerek's last game:

Wankers, complete and utter wankers. Another cross, another goal conceded. I'm halfway through a bottle of pills.

Everyone watched the Paralympics, even KevinSlevinWFC:

That dwarf swimmer could outjump these tossers in defence

BarnesNo9 thinks Zola has a Napoleon complex:

How can a 5ft2 manager know how to set up a defence to contain Kevin Davies? He should fall on his kids sword right now.

KingKevinKitKat disturbs me:

Kevin Davies reminds me of my Auntie Stacey, I had the hots for her for many years, often fantasizing about what was under her skirt. Does this make me gay?

HunkyHornet knows how to sort out Watford's problems:

Ow did that twat not hit the net. Ive got mi boots and I’m drivin to bolton right now to replace that vagina impersonator Iwelumo. Be there in 20 mins, tell zola to play dead to give me time

Watford pull a goal back and suddenly it's a love-in:

Get in there black Messi!!!

Goal of the season!

Take that Kevin Davies

I just ejaculated onto my iphone

Coyle out!

We're hoping a P45 will have the same effect:

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! We’re gonna win this one, wipe that smug grin off Owen Coyle’s face

Someone always has to get their knob out:

Come on you Hornets, let’s get our dicks out and show the Northern wankers who’s the Daddy!

But the good mood doesn't last in the Watford camp as the game ends in a 2-1 defeat. DamianArtyMan6784 has made a big decision:

I have decided to become a serial killer. I will start with Zola and end with Iwelumo.

PeteDragon isn't racist:

I’m not racist but get that fucking iti out of the club and send the iti reserves back to fucking Italy. We are an English team in an English league for fuck’s sake, why are we trying to be Italian? Iti wankers.

TheSpeakerOfTheBoard is a lucky man, don't we all wish we could do this:

I work for British Gas and I’ve just cut Zola’s gas off.

Fookin brilliant. Southern Jessies .

Haha love some of those, some almost hate zola than you hate coyle.

Is sombody of bolton sit with the watford guys and is record this infomation ?

Mo wrote:Is sombody of bolton sit with the watford guys and is record this infomation ?

yes, is

Was Natasha.

Bolton are a solid side and right to be one of the favourites for promotion

Sarcastic twat.

Loved this one...

Vicarage135 is living in 2011:
Mills plays for fookin Reading, how did he score for Bolton? Cheating cunts.

Great work Nat!!

Horny_Hornet gets on the Kevin Davies hype bus:

Not happy about this one, old bug eyes will no doubt score a hat-trick and Kevin Davies will kill two of our players.

Haha. Forget the SKD reference, lets just hope "old bug eyes" Sordell manages to score three goals before the end of the season

Mo wrote:Is sombody of bolton sit with the watford guys and is record this infomation ?

Me thinki Mo not speeky velly gud ingis or he try tekki the pissy, ether way him velly funny. Keepy it uppy Mo.

Excellent are you gonna do Birmingham if we win.

Born to be a wanderer wrote:Excellent are you gonna do Birmingham if we win.

I hope to do one after every victory.

Lyric Todkill wrote:

Mo wrote:Is sombody of bolton sit with the watford guys and is record this infomation ?

yes, is

ok.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Born to be a wanderer wrote:Excellent are you gonna do Birmingham if we win.

I hope to do one after every victory.

I can't make the game so I look forward to your write-up tomorrow.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Born to be a wanderer wrote:Excellent are you gonna do Birmingham if we win.

I hope to do one after every victory.

Can only hope you get writer's cramp (that is we win a bundle of games).

'Fuck off Zola you Italian war criminal'

This was my favourite.

'I’m not racist but get that fucking iti out of the club and send the iti reserves back to fucking Italy. We are an English team in an English league for fuck’s sake, why are we trying to be Italian? Iti wankers.'

This would have been funnier if they changed 'iti' to 'wop'. I'm not anti-Italian, I'm half-Italian, but wop is just a funnier epithet if you're gunna hate on 'em.

DMH - a Scottish Zappa reference on BN? Crivens! - we're becoming very cosmopolitan.

Nah, sorry. Just a typo. Nowt Scottish about it. Fixed it now though.

Just Zappa then.....applying rotation to her sugarplum.