Kevin Phillips: The Answer To Our Bellends?

Let's face it, our strikers are utter shite.

Beckford has scored a few but needs five easy chances to convert one. Ngog has been one of the worst signings in the history of BWFC with the finishing skills of a constipated moose. Mason looks more lightweight than Chung Lee on hunger striker. Craig Davies puts away more pies than chances, and Eaves can't even score from 3 inches out in League 2.

Wankers the lot of them.

However, Kevin Phillips has today announced he is leaving Crystal Palace and wants to play up north to be nearer his family. Dougie should be ringing him as we speak. He may be 40 but he knows where the goal is and that's what we need right now.

Can we honestly attract anyone better on a free transfer? Of course not. Surely we'd be better with an old striker who knows where the net is than a younger striker like Ngog who thinks a net is something you use to catch fish.

Are you with me?

Phillips is a poor man's David Nugent.

But with better taste in ropey, old birds.

Kevin fucking Phillips

Boggersbelief wrote:Kevin fucking Phillips

You don't think he'd score more goals than our current strikers?

How did I know that the opening line of this post would be "let's face it"?

doffcocker wrote:How did I know that the opening line of this post would be "let's face it"?

Because you follow my work and are my biggest fan?

The guy might be getting on a bit but i'd be more confident him coming off the bench to nick us a goal than Ngog to be honest.

Dougie has worked with him before so I really wouldn't be surprised if we offered him a deal until the end of the season.

Yeah great idea Whittam. Why don't we pair the 40 year old short arse, alongside your darling Robert Earnshaw? Then we can have two dwarfs up front for us.

I think this would be a great signing , I know a few Bolton fans fear a 15/20 goal a season striker because he doesn't work so hard , but I'm with this one 100%.

Ok he would only be able to play 20 mins as an impact player but come the end of the season he'd be our top goal scorer by 8/10 goals.

He's a poor mans Klasnic but a Bentley to our current lot.

David Bentley?

He was fucking rubbish.....

Ngog is a shitbag, i can't stand him , even looking at his name winds me up.

Owen, you're a knob.

What happened to your cheap beer thread earlier?

You've made me look a right twat, you dick.

Bentley is a winger

Kevin Phillips was a quality striker in his day. A proper little poacher with an eye for goal. I know he's probably past it now but wasn't he the leading scorer in the Premiership a few seasons back?

I think he's another Kevin Davies. Looks great for his age on MOTD, and the media lick his arse, but too old and slow to be more than an impact player.

doffcocker wrote:I think he's another Kevin Davies. Looks great for his age on MOTD, and the media lick his arse, but too old and slow to be more than an impact player.

You think we don't need an impact player?

I think we'd all like the starting XI to have more of an impact than they're currently having......

Now show us yer tits.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

doffcocker wrote:I think he's another Kevin Davies. Looks great for his age on MOTD, and the media lick his arse, but too old and slow to be more than an impact player.

You think we don't need an impact player?

I don't think we need a striker.

Dougie just seems to be giving up on them one by one.

Eaves, Sordell, Craig Davies, Ngog and now Beckford...

None of them are gonna get better getting ditched somewhere on loan, benched after a poor performance, or indeed after a good one.

If I'm not mistaken, Ngog scored at Bournemouth and hasn't started a game since.

Do I understand Dougie's mind?

Well, no is the answer to that.

Adam Le Fondre seems to be out of favour at Reading.

The Bolton forward curse would probably finish him off though.

Maybe we'll go for Danny Ings when he inevitably wants to play for a bigger club.