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BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BLACKBURN ROVERS

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Keegan
Hipster_Nebula
aaron_bwfc
gloswhite
observer
Reebok Trotter
Sluffy
luckyPeterpiper
scottjames30
MartinBWFC
boltonbonce
Natasha Whittam
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1enemy - BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BLACKBURN ROVERS Empty BEHIND ENEMY LINES - BLACKBURN ROVERS Sun Mar 02 2014, 14:34

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

It's pre-match and the Rovers faithful are confident:

Jordan_Nodes wrote:Bolton are shit at home, an easy 3-0 victory for us

EricEwood1975 wrote:These cunts have won once at home since the beginning of time

SaS Forever wrote:lol zak night is playing we gonna win diss one with easy

Rover The Moon wrote:Just arrived in Horwich. What a dump. It's like I'm back in 1978. Just looking for somewhere to sup but I can't find a sodding pub! 3-1 to the Rovers.

Andrew seems ultra confident:

Alcoholic_Andrew_1974 wrote:If we lose this one I will let strange men bugger me

Derek should have gone with his gut feeling:

DarwenDerek wrote:In days gone by we'd have bottled this and I'd have predicted a 4-0 drubbing, but we are made of sterner stuff these days and I confidently predict a 2-0 victory.

Matt83 does have a point:

Matt83 wrote:They say 12 Years a Slave is a film about a man exploited and robbed of his dignity. He wants to try paying £33 to watch Bolton vs Blackburn, a mid table game in the second division. That'd give him something to cry about.

For some reason the Blackburn Dingles don't like us:

ShearerNo9 wrote:I fucking hate these cunts, always think they're better than us.

HotDaz wrote:Let's fuck these cunts up

LexyBexy30 wrote:I wouldn't wish AIDS on my worst enemy, but I make an exception for Bolton fans. Disgusting people.

Larry Lowe is prepared to make a big sacrifice to win:

Larry Lowe wrote:Nothing beats winning at Bolton, I'd sell my wife for 50p if we could get a result here. She may be a bit of a munter but she can't half give a decent blow job.

The game kicks off and Jordan Rhodes misses a good chance for Rovers:

RhodesLover wrote:Rhodes is turning into the biggest waste of money ever

ArranShearer wrote:Is Rhodes cross-eyed? Useless cunt.

Lindsey Highhan wrote:I'm starting to regret the Jordan tattoo on my left tit

Sourface_Steven wrote:what a fackin miss the blind twat my gran wood have scored dat

Then on 23 minutes the unthinkable happens and Bolton score, there's an electrical surge in Blackburn as the Dingles go mental:

FUCK OFF YOU CUNTS
oh for fucks sake you shits, learn to fucking mark
Free header for Pedo
some black dwarf just outjumped our defence
Sort it out Bowyer you twat, the guy was unmarked in the box FFS
C-U-N-T-S
I just shit myself
JUST FUCK OFF YOU LAZY USELESS CUNTS

If that wasn't bad enough, with half-time approaching Mason puts Bolton 2-0 up.

Famous last words from Gary:

Gary_Gestede_41 wrote:It's ok folks, get to half-time just the one goal down and Bowyer will sort it out, we'll still win this.

He then realises his mistake:

Gary_Gestede_41 wrote:Why don't I just shut my fat face

Is this the cousin of Bolton Hater?

Burnley Hater wrote:2-0 down to these shit bastards? Bowyer should resign at half-time and fuck off.

Robinson regrets letting his wife pleasure him:

Robinson_Crusoe1982 wrote:My wife gave me a hand-job this morning, I should have known I'd used all my luck for the year. Bitch.

Darwenender is well prepared for this thrashing:

Darwenender wrote:I'm trying out adult nappies today for the first time, they're working a treat it has to be said. Two down and not a shit stain in sight.

Bowyer isn't popular:

Resign you cunt
I'd rather have Owen Coyle than this clown
im goin out to use my knife on someone
I had a massive hard-on before the game, now he's all shrivelled
2-0 down by halftime, fuck off Bowyer you fanny
I have to work in Bolton, the hillbillies will be dancing all day Monday after this shambles
Out of your depth Bowyer
Suck on my big horny cock bowyer
we should never have sacked steve kean
We need the Ewood chicken to invade the pitch and get the game abandoned
Another quality game of football, brought to you by Cocks-r-Us.

Half-time comes and goes and the Happy Clapper section of the Ewood faithful still think they can win this:

Big Hogg wrote:Bolton are fragile at the back, we can still get something from this

Born Gangster wrote:with knight on the pitch Bolton will always conceed

Inbetweener wrote:Rhodes hat-trick. You heard it here first.

But if things don't improve for Rovers Graveyard Remmy has the answer:

Graveyard Remmy wrote:Let's burn the fucking Reebok down, we'd be doing the world a service.

But things don't improve as Jay Spearing gets his first shot on target this decade:

3-0!! Oh my fucking god, this is embarrassing
I really do want to hurt someone. My mother-in-law will be here soon thankfully
All the time in the world to pick his spot, lazy fuckers
no fuckin way did that cross the line- cheating wankerers
how the fuck did the lino spot that? has money changed hands
we are a laughing stock
I'm having an early night with a bottle of scotch and a shotgun
BOWYER YOU CUNTING CUNT
3 down at Bolton folks, no you are not in an alternative dimension this is really happening
My bird is from Bolton, I've just texted her to tell her she's dumped
This could be 6-0 by the end. Shameful.
I'm pretty sure Jay Spearing once stole my wife's vibrator
FUCK OFF YOU OVERPAID CUNTS

Ken posts from his seat in the Reebok

Ken_The_Kucko wrote:I turned down a date with a hooker for this shit

It's not easy being an armchair supporter:

Shearer! Shearer! wrote:I swear, this is the last time I spend the afternoon in my armchair listening to those wankers. I have a life you know.

Is Ewood Virgin talking about Megson?

Ewood Virgin wrote:We are just playing into Bolton's hands by lumping the ball towards the strikers - Wheater and Knight must be the tallest defenders in the league. It's not exactly rocket science to play the ball on the floor is it Gary you knob.

Harry takes drastic action:

Honest_Harry_27 wrote:That's it, I now support Chelsea

Amazingly Bolton go on to score a 4th goal in the last minute and it's too much for some Blackburn Dingles:

Goodbye cruel world........this is on Gary Bowyer
4-0. we should close the club
My wrists are very tempting right now
You utter fuckwits, you have spoilt my weekend
There will be a big rush on banjo's in Bolton tonight
Worst result EVER!
Fuck off Bowyer, I hope you stub your toe tonight
Be thankful I don't know where you live Gary Bowyer
we need sum new players right now
COCKSUCKERS

Alcoholic_Andrew regrets his earlier statement:

Alcoholic_Andrew_1974 wrote:I'm bent over ready to receive my punishment. Be gentle.

I'm not sure who Jason supports:

Jason Pourne wrote:I am sick and tired of following this passionless bunch of twats. They couldn't care less about you or I or the club itself. It's all about money and money. And more money. There was a day when a Bolton/Blackburn derby would be full of passion on and off the pitch but nowadays you're lucky to see a tackle. I'm not going again.

The game ends and the Blackburn Dingles turn on their team:

Fucking disgraceful, shoot the bastards
Cunts.
TWATS!
Shocking. Glad I didn't go.
No passion, no pride. Fuck off.
neva again will I watch brfc
4-0 at Bolton? I will never leave the house again
There need to be some public hangings in Blackburn tonight. 11 of them.
Fucking cunts, fucking twats, fucking cocks, fucking bastards, fucking shits, fucking fucks, FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love strawberry ripple ice cream
I've told my wife we will never have children - I can't risk a child of mine following this utter shit
I'm going down Bolton town centre with a machete and a lightsaber
Useless fucking pricks. Nuff said.
ricky is angry tonight and wants to fight anyone
is this result legal, all boltons players seemed to be on loan
BOWYER OUT!
We played like Bowyer speaks, slow and deliberate
Not going to the breezeblock was the best £33 I never spent.

Angry puts things into context:

Angry In Argyle wrote:I have never been so embarrassed in all my life. Not even when my son brought home his boyfriend and I heard them having bum sex in his bedroom.

Waggy76 is mental:

Waggy76 wrote:Bolton have been under-achieving all season but have  better players than we have

Rovers11 disagrees with Waggy:

Rovers11 wrote:Bolton have better players than us?! How players of theirs would you have in our starting 11? Probably Davies and Spearing but that's it. Their defence is woeful, midfield average and strike force decent but not better than ours.

Did I really jus see this sentence? I'm not sure I understand it, or if it's even possible:

AggyBlue wrote:Danns, Davies and Spearing ran us ragged.

Bazza looks on the bright side:

Bazza wrote:WE ARE STAYING UP!!!

Compliments from Rovers fans?

thenodrog wrote:We looked like we had 9 men for most of the match. Bolton were a clear division better than us.

Android9 wrote:Bolton were better in every department, the two strikers looked a real handful

Clearly_Not_Me wrote:Danns and Spearing ran the show, too good for our shower

Bumlicker is a deep thinker:

Bumlicker wrote:Days like this make me so angry, I just want to strike out at people. Why do Rovers make me feel this way? Why do I care so much about 11 benders running around a field after a ball? Why does it effect everything in my life? It makes me comfort eat, impotent and tired. Not sure I can go on like this. Help me.....

The Idiot has a plan for the Dingle Derby next week:

The Idiot wrote:I've just e-mailed Alan Shearer to see if he'll play against Burnley. I'm hopeful.

The Idiot has another idea:

The Idiot wrote:I've just e-mailed Gary Bowyer to inform him that the aim of the game is to attack the opposition and score goals. Expect an improvement next week.

There's no stopping this guy:

The Idiot wrote:I've just e-mailed myself to call myself an utter twat for caring about these wankers

Even the manager's penis has had enough:

Gary Bowyer's Big Knob wrote:I've decided to have myself surgically removed from Gary's scrotum in protest at the result

Manic Miner takes matters into his own hands:

Manic Miner wrote:I've decided to get a trial at Rovers, how difficult can it be to get in this shit team?

Come on, we've all walked home after a heavy defeat at The Reebok muttering the same sort of thing......

Killer Eyes wrote:DIE ROBINSON, DIE HENLEY, DIE SPURR, DIE TAYLOR, DIE LOWE, DIE KILGALLON, DIE CONWAY, DIE WILLIAMSON, DIE GESTEDE, DIE RHODES, DIE OLSSON, DIE BOWYER, DIE DIE DIE!

Some of you may remember ScoobyBlue from past Behind Enemy Lines featuring Blackburn. Well he's back posting more disturbing shit. Here's a reminder of past posts:

ScoobyBlue wrote:I am quietly simmering right now. The slightest thing could set me off. The wife, the kids, the fucking cat. Anything. I want to kill Henning Berg. I want to kill Kevin Davies. I want to kill Steve Kean. I want to kill all the inbreds from Bolton. I want to kill all the hillbillies from Burnley. I will kill you all. There will be nothing left of you. If I see or hear one smug Bolton twat I will kill him. If I see anyone from Bolton I will set them alight and then laugh. No one is safe in Bolton. Or Burnley. Or Norway. I'm sat here in the dark just waiting, waiting for someone to set me off. You were warned.

ScoobyBlue wrote:I quietly fester in my corner. I am trying to think happy thoughts but all I can think of is Appleton and what I want to do to him. Should I kill him or keep him alive for several weeks and force him to watch replays of recent Blackburn performances? He will beg me to cut out his eyes. And what of Chris Eagles? I dream of gutting him and wearing his skin like a onesie. My mother wouldn’t approve though. She prefers I gut real men. Like Steve Kean. Mother loves my Steve Kean onesie. I will have to think more about it while I fester here. Just waiting. Waiting for any Bolton twat to cross my path. I will have them. I will wear their horrible little eyes around my neck. As always, you have been warned.

And finally his offering from yesterday:

ScoobyBlue wrote:I am quietly minding my own business, but make no mistake, I am fuming. Another defeat to the inbreds from Bolton, how much more can a man take before he is tipped over the edge? I feel the need to go on a murderous rampage through Bolton. I need to be the star of Sky News at 6pm. I want the world to feel my pain. No one feels my pain though. They worry about little things like money, health and world peace, but no one feels the pain of a 4-0 defeat to Bolton like I do. It’s why I kill. I’m sitting quietly, but that will change. I will rise and take Bolton. It is my destiny.

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

I quite enjoyed that![You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

MartinBWFC

MartinBWFC
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

Thanks Nat, once again quality.

scottjames30

scottjames30
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Funny stuff.

luckyPeterpiper

luckyPeterpiper
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Can I ask what forum you found those on? :good:

scottjames30

scottjames30
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

luckyPeterpiper wrote:Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Can I ask what forum you found those on? :good:

Me too, I might sign up as Blackburn_Hater.

Sluffy

Sluffy
Admin

Not as Wentworth-Farlington-Moss?

scottjames30

scottjames30
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Sluffy wrote:Not as Wentworth-Farlington-Moss?

 Laughing 

Reebok Trotter

Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Brilliant stuff as always.  :like: 

observer


Andy Walker
Andy Walker

Absolutely brilliant and your best post of the season (albeit our lack of wins has silenced you).

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson

Well done Nat, really enjoyable.

aaron_bwfc

aaron_bwfc
Moderator
Moderator

Haha, top stuff as usual Nat.  lol! 

Hipster_Nebula

Hipster_Nebula
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Why is it all opposing fans want detail elaborate plots to kill people and use the C word a lot.

scottjames30

scottjames30
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Hipster_Nebula wrote:Why is it all opposing fans want detail elaborate plots to kill people and use the C word a lot.

Because they're cunts.

Keegan

Keegan
Admin

The Dingles were quite expressive, as you'd expect. Good job, Nat!

I saw these...
During the game:
adsfortheblues wrote:It's a good job bolton aren't very good otherwise we'd be 4-0 down

Wing Wizard Windy Miller wrote:3-0 bolton and all last weeks good work undone.

After the game:
thewarhurstward wrote:Bolton were 10 times better than us,end of story,let's move on
 
MickyD wrote:Looks like Spearing, who ran the show at the breezeblock, was right to ignore us and wait for a bigger club to sign him

Good times...  Very Happy

https://forum.boltonnuts.co.uk

luckyPeterpiper

luckyPeterpiper
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

I have officially arrived at Bolton Nuts today people!  ::dance:: 

I have received my first death threat from the inestimable Ms Whittam for daring to post my own BEL.  Laughing 

At last, I join the long and distinguished list of Nuts Natasha wants to crack!  :bow:

Sluffy

Sluffy
Admin

Welcome to the club Peter - most of us are in it!

Copper Dragon

Copper Dragon
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

Hipster_Nebula wrote:Why is it all opposing fans want detail elaborate plots to kill people and use the C word a lot.

Well as we know Hipster a lot of it is made up for comic effect.

The majority like it though and some of it is actually amusing, even though it's made up.

Keegan

Keegan
Admin

I could show you more examples of actual posts that were made by Rovers fans in relation to the game besides those that I posted. I'm not sure why you guys assume that BEL is, to some extent, a work of fiction. I only looked at 3 Dingle Fan sites and I recognized a number of the posts/posters used. If it amuses you to make snarky comments, however, go right ahead. Before you say it, I know you are suggesting that some of it is real and some is made up. No need for that. Not that I'm bothered, tbh.

https://forum.boltonnuts.co.uk

Copper Dragon

Copper Dragon
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

It's understandable why you've jumped to the defence of the chief storyteller and keyboard tapper Keegan. What isn't understandable is why you assume that it amuses me to make the point that I did to Hipster.

My post was neither criticism nor did it amuse me to post it, I was just making a point to Hipster because he's noticed exactly what I've noticed.

Edit - What a plonker I am. I missed your post on this thread Keegan.

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