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I've just found £1.8 million under a bush......

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Natasha Whittam
Numpty 28723
boltonbonce
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.......well, actually, that's obviously a lie because I wouldn't be sat here typing, I'd be running round with a massive grin on my face.

But I have just been out walking the dog on the golf course near us and saw what looked like a tenner on the grass and it set me thinking about what you'd have to do if you found a shit load of buried cash. (The "tenner" turned out to be a discarded score card.)

You'd have to be a bit cute about it because anybody who buries £1.8 million under a tree is probably not the sort or person you'd want to cross and they'd, quite understandably, not be overly chuffed if you dug their loot up and buggered off with it.

And you couldn't very well pay it in the bank in one big lump could you?

"Hello, I'd like to deposit this sports bag full of cash into my current account please. Sorry about the soil and leaves."

That would arouse suspicion and would probably end up with a knock at the door from the Excise Man.

You couldn't even go out and buy that flash car you've always wanted (like that bastard Glos did) because car dealers are only allowed to take a certain amount of cash in any one transaction to stop money laundering.

So, apart from buying a few bottles of Champagne to celebrate with (quietly), what would you do.......?

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

I'd put it in the loft and eke it out very slowly.
I'm a simple man,as you've probably noticed,and my needs are few.
I'd buy a bigger telescope for a start,but I'd probably fritter a fair bit away on BWFC memorabilia.
I'd certainly have a party for friends and family. I'm sure I could find an over the hill entertainer for the night.

Guest


Guest

Do NOT Brucify this thread ! :nono: Very Happy

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Breadman wrote:Do NOT Brucify this thread !  :nono:  Very Happy
I said 'over the hill'.
Couldn't be him.

Guest


Guest

I've just thought of something else:

You couldn't even stick in in your suitcase and take it to Geneva and open one of those "no questions asked" numbered accounts that the Nazis used during (and just after) the war because they'd x-ray your cases at Manchester Airport and would spot it and haul you in on some bloody terrorism charge.

This is harder than you'd think......

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

I found this last week. I'm using it to fund my habit.
I've just found £1.8 million under a bush...... BarretStrongWarnedUs.jpg?zoom=1

Numpty 28723

Numpty 28723
Andy Walker
Andy Walker

This is a true story - someone I know used to work in Southampton and a mate of his down there was driving along a country road on the outskirts when he noticed the driver of the car ahead of him in the distance open his window and throw something over a hedge into a field and carry on driving.

The guy turned round first chance he got, went back to the spot and, lo and behold, found a briefcase which contained about 20 grand in used notes. He never found out who chucked it or why but did he hand the money in? Er, no.

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Are you gonna come quietly. 'A mate of someone I know' indeed.
The game is up sunshine.
I've just found £1.8 million under a bush...... Bleuprisonnier

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

I was once in Walkden paying in some money at the bank. As I walked out the door the bloke in front of me dropped a roll of notes on the floor. I was just about to shout "oi, you just dropped a load of cash you bellend" when the guy scratched his bum crack right in front of me.

So I kept my mouth shut and fingers around the notes.

When I got back to the car there was £370 in used notes. I spent it on shoes.

Moral of this story? Never scratch your bum in public.

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Poor old Bread.

Guest


Guest

I had an itchy arse!

You owe me £370, Whittam and no, I won't accept payment in pre-owned Louboutins.......

wanderlust

wanderlust
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

You could set up a dodgy cash business in every town - launderettes if you want a sense of irony.

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Guest


Guest

boltonbonce wrote:Bread,you may find this of use.
http://www.amazon.com/Monkey-06017-Powder-Ounce-Calamine/dp/B001W4FKDU

How can I not buy some of that when this is the opening line of the fist product review on there?

"As a disabled equestrian who rides with a prosthetic leg, you should take it from me that this stuff really works."

Praise don't come any higher than that.......



Last edited by Breadman on Fri Oct 31 2014, 16:41; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Speling.)

Guest


Guest

wanderlust wrote:You could set up a dodgy cash business in every town - launderettes if you want a sense of irony.

That sounds like a lot of faffing about, if I'm honest because you'd need loads of them.

Have you no simpler ideas?

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson

Send it to me Breaders, and I'll see if I can buy a Bentley, to go with my Jag. I picked it up yesterday, and fast ? Like shit off a shovel Very Happy

Guest


Guest

Nice one, mate.

Enjoy.

Two big sheds and a sporty Jag - Does life get any better for a bloke?

Ya bastard........ Very Happy

Keegan

Keegan
Admin

Take out a loan at an institution which is a little bit less than the amount you found then pay it back from your salary and substitute the dosh from your salary from your new found riches. Legitimate reason for having this money (loan), legitimate source for the repayment (salary). The interest you will pay is a small fee for being able to enjoy the bulk of your new found riches.

https://forum.boltonnuts.co.uk

Guest


Guest

Can I borrow £1.7 million off you please, Keegs?

I tried the Nat West Bank but they thought I was taking the piss and hung up on me.....

Keegan

Keegan
Admin

Okay, sure. Send me your account number and the appropriate passkeys and I'll deposit it.

https://forum.boltonnuts.co.uk

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