Supermarkets

Have you ever looked at the security men ? When something goes wrong they are usually the last to get there, because they are old, or overweight, or stupid, or are wearing a uniform 5 sizes too big, so they have to shuffle. I spoke to one once, (he was about 4 feet tall), and he was surprisingly eloquent and informed. He only lasted a couple of weeks.
Don't go to Morrisons for the self service till. They are deliberately sensitive, in case someone tries to get through with a single light item, when they have in fact taken two.

Reebok Trotter wrote:

xmiles wrote:Self checkout- tills. I never use them unless I only have a couple of items and even then half the time something goes wrong and an assistant needs to come and sort it out.

They are a pain in the bloody arse. Thankfully, Aldi haven't introduced them....yet.

Yes they have on Market street, Manchester - arrrgh!

The toilet in the Tesco in Farnworth has just attacked me.

Instead of a proper handle to flush it, it's got some stupid "contact-less" proxy switch arrangement, which you just pass your hand in front of and it flushes the crapper.

Unfortunately it also triggers if you lean back on the seat and it "sees" your back.

4.5 litres of ice cold water directed up my ricker at about 2 Bar pressure.

Bastards!

Did you not read the idiots guide .

Is that John Riggins?

Breadman wrote:The toilet in the Tesco in Farnworth has just attacked me.

Instead of a proper handle to flush it, it's got some stupid "contact-less" proxy switch arrangement, which you just pass your hand in front of and it flushes the crapper.

Unfortunately it also triggers if you lean back on the seat and it "sees" your back.

4.5 litres of ice cold water directed up my ricker at about 2 Bar pressure.

Bastards!

You must have a nice clean botty now!

People from Thailand will love it as they use these for cleaning their pumper...



The full flush job must be better...

The bags in Tesco. I can never open the bastard things, tried blowing into them, wafting them about, licking them. Most of the time I just carry all my shopping out and just chuck it in the boot.

Also supermarkets that ask if you would like a bag for life. Course it's a bag for life, it gets used once then chucked in a cupboard never to be seen again. Must have about 50 of them.

The Yanks seem to carry their shopping in brown paper bags.

Soul Kitchen wrote:Is that John Riggins?

Yes.

Awesome....!

karlypants wrote:

Breadman wrote:The toilet in the Tesco in Farnworth has just attacked me.

Instead of a proper handle to flush it, it's got some stupid "contact-less" proxy switch arrangement, which you just pass your hand in front of and it flushes the crapper.

Unfortunately it also triggers if you lean back on the seat and it "sees" your back.

4.5 litres of ice cold water directed up my ricker at about 2 Bar pressure.

Bastards!

You must have a nice clean botty now!

People from Thailand will love it as they use these for cleaning their pumper...



The full flush job must be better...

That's called a "shower", KP.

We have those in England as well now.

boltonbonce wrote:The Yanks seem to carry their shopping in brown paper bags.

Great in a warm climate with limited rainfall but absolutely useless in the UK. The rain would destroy the bags before you reached your car.

Reebok Trotter wrote:

boltonbonce wrote:The Yanks seem to carry their shopping in brown paper bags.

Great in a warm climate with limited rainfall but absolutely useless in the UK. The rain would destroy the bags before you reached your car.

True that.

Could you imagine everyone running after their loose fruit and veg in the car park!

There used to be a comedy on TV about a supermarket
Can't for the life of me remember what it was called (or the name of the huge star that took the lead role).

karlypants wrote:

Reebok Trotter wrote:

boltonbonce wrote:The Yanks seem to carry their shopping in brown paper bags.

Great in a warm climate with limited rainfall but absolutely useless in the UK. The rain would destroy the bags before you reached your car.

True that.

Could you imagine everyone running after their loose fruit and veg in the car park!

It's ok if you have 1 or 2 bags. What happens when you get 4 or 5? How do you carry them?

Give me plastic bags with handles that dig into your fingers anyday.

Brown paper bags simply would not work in the UK. They don't work in Alaska either. The only way forward is the Hessian bags which last for ages. I always put them back in my boot after the family shop and that way I never forget them.
Mind you, plastic bags do come in handy for disposing of household waste and dog muck.

Reebok Trotter wrote: The only way forward is the Hessian bags which last for ages.

I got some free via the vip club where you collected points from packets of Mcvities biscuits.

I have to say that they are fab for putting wine and fizzy pop in!

Reebok Trotter wrote:Brown paper bags simply would not work in the UK. They don't work in Alaska either. The only way forward is the Hessian bags which last for ages. I always put them back in my boot after the family shop and that way I never forget them.
Mind you, plastic bags do come in handy for disposing of household waste and dog muck.

If I'm ever seen out with one of these I hope someone will have the decency to shoot me.

gloswhite wrote:Have you ever looked at the security men ? When something goes wrong they are usually the last to get there, because they are old, or overweight, or stupid, 

A few months ago, whilst innocently perusing the cheeses in Asda, I was suddenly shaken by an agonised cry from right beside me: a rather seedy-looking, burly guy in a sweaty black singlet had been grabbed from behind by a security guard and placed in a vicious-looking expert headlock which gave the impression of being impossible to escape from.

 He was then dragged backwards towards the exit, kicking and yelling repeatedly, "Get off me, you bastard!" and, "I'll 'ave you, you shit!", amongst other choice phrases.

At this point, two females added to the drama to the alarm of the other shoppers. One was evidently the man's partner (in crime??) who attacked the security guy with punches and swipes of her handbag, screaming, "He ain't done nothing; I'll report you, you absolute ...."

The second was an Asda employee who kept shouting at her colleague, "Not like that, Dave!", and then sighing in despair as Dave, sweating profusely with effort, and steadfastly ignoring his peer's calls for some subtlety and decorum, cut a swathe through the bewildered and rather terrified shoppers, dragging his pathetically flailing victim along with no regard for his punctured dignity.

I had to admire Dave's resolve for maintaining his vice-like grip whilst being pummelled by Sweaty Singlet's accomplice all the way to the main doors.

I never did discover just what Sweaty Singlet had done wrong, but it certainly added excitement to the weekly shopping expedition.

If anyone wants to have a good laugh check out the Asda store in Trafford Park opposite the Trafford Centre. They have a security counter near the entrance/exit to deter shoplifters and the guy that mans it , apart from being at least seventy ( in the shade ), looks like he auditioned for the part of Gollum in the Hobbit. His brother works on the fish counter and wears one of those white Boater type hats which looks ten sizes too big but is probably the smallest size they make. I'm sure the management deliberately put them in those positions to have a bloody good laugh.

No messing with ASDA.
How was I to know you had to pay for a bag.