The dog walking thread

I should first of all say that I'm not a dog lover. They shit, they piss, they smell, they're irrational, they need caring for. I can barely understand why people choose to own them. Nonetheless, I take the family dog for a long walk every day, and although it's something I usually enjoy, I encounter a lot of irritants on my travels, so I've compiled a list of things that annoy me when I'm out dog walking as a way of getting them off my chest.

1. Timing of the dog taking a dump

I think the penalty is £75 around here and I'd hate myself anyway for being the sort of person that just leaves their dog's shit for people to stand in, so I always pick it up. But it's like our dog knows when it's most inconvenient for me to be bending over to pick up shit or when I'm least in the mood. It always seems to be when there's somebody good looking coming the other way, or somebody I know from school and not spoken to in a while. It can also be just when my favourite song was reaching it's climax.

2. Runny shits

I don't generally have a problem with dog shit, provided it comes as a good, handleable log. There's a real skill to making tidy work of a sloppy one. Is there even a point trying?

3. Other dogs

That situation when I'm walking round the lodge or on a field and some other mutt comes skipping over for a sniff at my dog's arse. I have to put on my adoring face as the owner does the same and calls "Jasper, come back here boy" or whatever, when all I really want to do is say "fuck off you stupid animal".

4. Enthusiastic owners

I've got sucked into countless conversations over the years with other owners about dogs, where I've had to pretend to be a loving dog enthusiast just like them. I only remotely care about my dog, and certainly don't care about yours.

I feel a lot lighter after that. Now its your turn, fellow pooch owners.

I detest people who don't pick up after their dog. I once got caught in the park without any poo-bags and ended up using my hand rather than leave it for some poor bastard to stand in. I walked home with my hand in the air. I was later accused of doing the Nazi walk by my neighbour.

I've never had a dog cos they shite!!
What pisses me off more with dog owners is not the one's that let their dogs shite but the one's that pick it up and don't dispose it proper.ie.in a bag in a bush/tree. Scum.

Natasha Whittam wrote:I detest people who don't pick up after their dog. I once got caught in the park without any poo-bags and ended up using my hand rather than leave it for some poor bastard to stand in. I walked home with my hand in the air. I was later accused of doing the Nazi walk by my neighbour.

That made me chuckle...I could actually picture it.

Natasha Whittam wrote:I detest people who don't pick up after their dog. I once got caught in the park without any poo-bags and ended up using my hand rather than leave it for some poor bastard to stand in. I walked home with my hand in the air. I was later accused of doing the Nazi walk by my neighbour.

I've been in that situation once, but was wearing an old pair of trainers so stood in it myself.

I might have left it if there'd not been a load of snobby bastards nearby.

I have two dogs and I walk them every day. I always take plenty of kitchen roll and plastic bags to pick up their crap. I have found that if you feed your dog dry food then their stools will be firm and easy to pick up. Tins of dog food just create loads of sloppy shit tubes.

Pedigree , Aldi, Sainsbury's, Asda and Morrisons all stock kibble food which maintains healthy bowel movement so why give them tins of dog food that just make them shit for England?

I have 3 dogs, i just let them run in the paddock, fuck that dog walking bollocks.

Natasha Whittam wrote:I detest people who don't pick up after their dog. I once got caught in the park without any poo-bags and ended up using my hand rather than leave it for some poor bastard to stand in. I walked home with my hand in the air. I was later accused of doing the Nazi walk by my neighbour.

Fuck off nat , do you expect me to believe anyone least of all a bint would pick up dog shit with her bare hands and walk home giving the nazi salute that's the most ridiculous thing that's ever been on here.

I have two guard dogs that live outside and shit in the garden they get enough exercise  running loose. I have a springer collie x and a Bishon Frise that's long haired and sleeps on our bed she 's my baby, she gets under the sheets and licks my bollocks in the morning which gets me in the mood for sex but I have to shower first. We get thru a lot of poo bags a week.

Angry Dad wrote:a Bishon Frise that's long haired and sleeps on our bed she 's my baby, she gets under the sheets and licks my bollocks in the morning which gets me in the mood for sex but I have to shower first. We get thru a lot of poo bags a week.

Quite disturbing that you let your dog lick your balls and it turns you on and then you shit loads...That's some dirty sex right there

Your dogs need stimulation. And not in the bollock licking sense. Letting them run loose in the garden is a lazy mans dog walk and personally I think you should get your arse out with them. It would be like giving you a tv with no channels on. Just being outside doesn't make it exercise.

doffcocker wrote:

3. Other dogs

That situation when I'm walking round the lodge or on a field and some other mutt comes skipping over for a sniff at my dog's arse. I have to put on my adoring face as the owner does the same and calls "Jasper, come back here boy" or whatever, when all I really want to do is say "fuck off you stupid animal".

What's wrong with other dogs? It's called socializing. Why would you deny him probably his favourite thing?

Biggie wrote:Your dogs need stimulation. And not in the bollock licking sense. Letting them run loose in the garden is a lazy mans dog walk and personally I think you should get your arse out with them. It would be like giving you a tv with no channels on. Just being outside doesn't make it exercise.

I walk the collie and Bishon the other two are too dangerous to take out besides they run round chasing wildlife.

Angry Dad wrote:

Biggie wrote:Your dogs need stimulation. And not in the bollock licking sense. Letting them run loose in the garden is a lazy mans dog walk and personally I think you should get your arse out with them. It would be like giving you a tv with no channels on. Just being outside doesn't make it exercise.

I walk the collie and Bishon the other two are too dangerous to take out besides they run round chasing wildlife.

Cos they are bored mate.

What breed are they? Where do you live, I'll take them out.

I'd like to reignite this thread for a bit of advice on a recently occurring problem.

Fucking slowcoach dogs.

Our West Highland Terrier is now 10 years old and has recently become insanely slow. To the point where after only 5 minutes of walking, I often have to be like "come on you fat bitch!"

She's very mobile in almost every other aspect of life. I say "walkies", she jumps and dives around in excitement, and goes looking for the lead. It's only when we're actually out and about that it starts to feel like a workout with Michelle McManus.

Any ideas? And please don't say "hmm, perhaps a trip to the vet wouldn't go amiss" because that's just too fucking expensive.

doffcocker wrote:I'd like to reignite this thread for a bit of advice on a recently occurring problem.

Fucking slowcoach dogs.

Our West Highland Terrier is now 10 years old and has recently become insanely slow. To the point where after only 5 minutes of walking, I often have to be like "come on you fat bitch!"

She's very mobile in almost every other aspect of life. I say "walkies", she jumps and dives around in excitement, and goes looking for the lead. It's only when we're actually out and about that it starts to feel like a workout with Michelle McManus.

Any ideas? And please don't say "hmm, perhaps a trip to the vet wouldn't go amiss" because that's just too fucking expensive.

I'm with you on this Doffy. Our cairn (well he's really the missus dog) is now 14 and slow as well. He shits anywhere he feels like.She never walks him so it's down to me . Whenever I suggest that it's time for a journey to the vets she tells me that if I did she'll have me f***ing put down!
He's called Sam after Big Sam and he's as bad tempered as his namesake.

My dog shits where he wants, he shits where he wants, my dog knasher he shits where he wants.

My dog is a yapper, good as gold usually, goes to doggy day care to socialise, stick the him on a lead and he turns psychotic attacking sheep, bikes, cars, horses and anything else bigger than him.

Sounds just like my dog that Fabian!

What breed do you have?

Yorkie, he thinks he's a doberman