What is the correct way to wipe?

When in the Army, the (unofficial ) guide was 4 pieces of paper. One up, one down, one across, and one for a buff

This thread is so wrong it simply belongs in Nuts. 

karlypants wrote:This thread is so wrong it simply belongs in Nuts. 

We need threads like this, otherwise we would have a forum of threads full of us all moaning.

Trust someone to start a thread like this.
I've been ill since Saturday morning,and I log on here for a bit of relief.
It started with throwing up,then came the runs,and I can assure you,the correct way to wipe has been far from my mind.
I'm still semi comatose,and I'm writing this sat on the throne,but I'm determined to get some food down me by tonight.
I'm not looking for sympathy,because I know I'll get none. Bastards. 

I had to use my boxers once to wipe as there was no toilet paper and they backed up the bog. Should of had paper.