You Bunch Of Massive Bellends!

So where is the party?

Where are the plaudits, declarations of love, and gratitude for making your lives better?

You bunch of insensitive wankers. Where's my gold clock, key to the city etc?

Are they bringing back 'This Is Your Life' just for me? I was expecting to meet some old friends tonight like stinkythefrog (my first internet romance), Paulo Duarte (my first marriage proposal), Billy Bradshaw (the first person to ban me), and Largehat, Scott, Magoo, Boggers etc. I'm all done up in case you've sent a Limo to take me to the TV studio.

This is my 30,000th post. Fuck me, I've written 30,000 messages in almost 7 years. That's about 4,300 messages a year, or 355 messages a month, or 12 posts a day.

Including the Behind Enemy Lines posts I've done I'm guessing the average time I spend writing a message is about 2 minutes. That means I've wasted about 42 days of my life writing messages for you twats. 42 fucking days!

I can't fucking believe it! 42 days when I could have been earning another 'Preston Businesswoman of the Year' title, modelled on a New York catwalk, or sleeping with footballers or pop stars.

You absolute bastards, you've wasted my life!

I've just Googled my own name and, I kid you not, this is one of the first things that comes up.

Twats!

Congratulations!

An amazing achievement and one that has given us many laughs along the way!

Here's to your next 30,000 posts!

Congratulations Nat. Pour yourself a Vimto.

Having been on the wrong end of your rather vicious tongue on numerous occasions, I thought about ignoring this milestone. However, I decided to be a man about it.

Politics, football, business, fashion, entertainment, are just a few of the subjects on which you can wax lyrical for hours on end. Ask anyone.

And from such unfortunate beginnings. If I'd been born with a face like yours, I'd have sued my parents. Yet you overcame.

All that's missing from your life is the love of a good man. I'm truly sorry it didn't work out with Cecil. I can only assume he regained his sight.

But there are plenty more fish in the sea Nat, and, as you head onwards to your next milestone of 40,000 posts, don't let any opportunity for romance pass you by.

Just leave me out of it.

boltonbonce wrote:Congratulations Nat. Pour yourself a Vimto.

Having been on the wrong end of your rather vicious tongue on numerous occasions, I thought about ignoring this milestone. However, I decided to be a man about it.

Politics, football, business, fashion, entertainment, are just a few of the subjects on which you can wax lyrical for hours on end. Ask anyone.

And from such unfortunate beginnings. If I'd been born with a face like yours, I'd have sued my parents. Yet you overcame.

All that's missing from your life is the love of a good man. I'm truly sorry it didn't work out with Cecil. I can only assume he regained his sight.

But there are plenty more fish in the sea Nat, and, as you head onwards to your next milestone of 40,000 posts, don't let any opportunity for romance pass you by.

Just leave me out of it.

I think she's got boggers locked in her underground box. Congrats though.

Nat, you should know that when anyone gets something precious, they keep it to themselves. Making a big fuss would only attract attention. However, well done on reaching this rather important milestone, and thanks for all your hard work, its been fun.

Interesting point Martin makes about Boggers. Where is the boy? I'm worried.

Well Done Nat! What's been your greatest moment over those 30k posts?

Congrats Tash!

Well done on reaching 30K posts Nat, the old adage of quality over quantity springs to mind but well done anyway!

Congratulations Nat. I am sending you a virtual Twirl as you can’t get them over here.

Well done nat. How many hours of your life have been sacrificed to make this tremendous acheivement?