2013 Budget

Ok, the budget is just two days away.

What are your predictions? Where will it hit you in the pocket this year? Will the Chancellor dare put more tax on petrol?

Natasha Whittam wrote: Will the Chancellor dare put more tax on petrol?

I do hope not. I'm currently paying £1.41.7 per litre of diesel and some motorway filling stations are charging £1.54 per litre. It's daylight bloody robbery.

I'd like to see the Chancellor introduce some sort of tax on foreigners.

I've heard a rumour he has it in for single ex-models who run international companies. I'll be moving to New Zealand if this is the case.

In order to squeeze blood out of a stone they need to keep thinking up novel ways of creating new taxes. First we had the bedroom tax so it's only a matter of time before they think of a shed tax.

Living in a penthouse in Preston you will be exempt from shed tax but if you really want to save money in taxes then just do a Hamilton and relocate to Switzerland.

Natasha Whittam wrote:I've heard a rumour he has it in for single ex-models who run international companies.

That's most of my ex-lovers f***** then.
I think it's going to be a nasty budget as under this Government the recovery growth figures are way under target and there's still a while until the next election so they'll shaft whoever they can and dress it up with more mealy-mouthed words designed to give the impression they know what they're doing.

No doubt fags and beer will be up.

KENNSTER97 wrote:No doubt fags and beer will be up.

Why would that concern a 15 year old?

The one total certainty is that nothing will be done to tax rich bastards. In fact it's even possible that he will make it easier for them to avoid paying taxes altogether. As one rich American caught fiddling her taxes famously said: "taxes are only for poor people".

Natasha Whittam wrote:I've heard a rumour he has it in for single ex-models who run international companies. I'll be moving to New Zealand if this is the case.

Your fine then.

Reebok_Rebel wrote:

Your fine then.

No doubt it will be tinkering at the edges - but like every budget more hot air than reality.
I work for a living, drive,drink modestly and gave up the fags thirty years ago.
I have every expectation that I'll be paying more taxes after the budget- whilst some pointless layabout will be better off at my expense

rammywhite wrote:
I have every expectation that I'll be paying more taxes after the budget- whilst some pointless layabout will be better off at my expense

I really hope so, I could do with a few extra pennies for down the pub.

Here is, among other things, what is going to happen…

Just a few things that are expected to happen...

The Lowest rate of Income Tax will go up from 20% to 98.5%

Highest rate will fall to 0.00009999999%

Fuel will go above the £2 a litre mark (politicians and financial supporters of the Tory Regime will be provided with free fuel cards)

Your average packet of fags will be a tenner more

A bottle of fairly cheap (say £6) wine will now cost £15 (except Châteauneuf-du-Pape and Champagne)

All fish will have a levy of 20% Fish Fingers 30% (except oysters and caviar)

All 'poor' people (citizens who earn under 40k p/a) will be charged a mandatory 'poor tax' of around £100 a month - the proceeds from this will help recoup losses from the scrapping of the Mansion Tax.


Anybody who has been unemployed for over 2 weeks will have jobseekers allowance cut by 80% - This is because the chancellor believes there is 3 jobs per capita in the UK.

Due to the amount of soon to be homeless social housing residents, a cardboard box or 'outdoor living improvised shelter tax' will be introduced, this is to recoup losses from the people who have too many bedrooms but have been unable to afford to move to smaller private housing or have not been offered alternative social housing. This will be known as a 'Government induced homelessness punishment' Cardboard boxes bigger than 500CM squared, will also be subject to full Band A council tax.

Fags and beer is fine by me. I do not smoke, and it is very rare I drink. Petrol will no doubt go up which then has a knock on effect which means everything will go up.

Leeds_Trotter wrote:Fags and beer is fine by me. I do not smoke, and it is very rare I drink. Petrol will no doubt go up which then has a knock on effect which means everything will go up.

You don't drink or smoke, fuck me I bet the long winter nights fly by in your house.

Don't worry peeps, I have forwarded my latest idea for a fair tax. I have suggested that everybody's nostrils are measured, and the air we breathe taxed accordingly.

Was it Churchill who said, " I know of no country that has been able to tax itself into prosperity" (or words along those lines)