Useful Tips.

When you have been having a lot of sex it can get a bit sore and red sometimes, I dip it in live yoghurt and rub it in works wonders and it's soon soothed and cooled ready for more wicked sessions. Make sure though that the kids don't get it mixed up with their eating yoghurt.

What the fuck???

i'm not bragging but i don't think my dick will fit in a tub of petit-filous

Angry Dad wrote:When you have been having a lot of sex it can get a bit sore and red sometimes, I dip it in live yoghurt and rub it in works wonders and it's soon soothed and cooled ready for more wicked sessions. Make sure though that the kids don't get it mixed up with their eating yoghurt.

I tried this. I can never go in Tesco again.

AD do you use dairylea as a sex as well?

karlypants wrote:AD do you use dairylea as a sex as well?

I do like a bit of marmite on a girls bum KP

Angry Dad wrote:When you have been having a lot of sex it can get a bit sore and red sometimes, I dip it in live yoghurt and rub it in works wonders and it's soon soothed and cooled ready for more wicked sessions. Make sure though that the kids don't get it mixed up with their eating yoghurt.

I am now 100% sure AD is a fat lad living in a bedsit somewhere in Bolton. The closest he has come to a woman is when the postwoman delivers his blow-up dolls.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Angry Dad wrote:When you have been having a lot of sex it can get a bit sore and red sometimes, I dip it in live yoghurt and rub it in works wonders and it's soon soothed and cooled ready for more wicked sessions. Make sure though that the kids don't get it mixed up with their eating yoghurt.

I am now 100% sure AD is a fat lad living in a bedsit somewhere in Bolton. The closest he has come to a woman is when the postwoman delivers his blow-up dolls.

 

Use nail polish to identify different keys.

Turn on your car seat warmer to keep your pizza warm on the drive home.

Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

Also don't insert a peeled banana into your vagina as it can cause all sorts of problems down there!

karlypants wrote:Also don't insert a peeled banana into your vagina as it can cause all sorts of problems down there!

Tell us more Karl, did you go to the doctors.

If the car is iced up in the morning, instead of leaving the car engine running, with the keys still inside, ''While you get your shit together''

Or sit in it for five minutes freezing your bollocks off, put a large hot water bottle on the dash, and when you've sorted out your face, your windscreen will be clear.

If you want to turn left to use a car park, never let anyone turning right in before you.

9 times out of 10 they'll take the last one, and you'll be driving round the fucker for ages.

Don't let them see you with just your socks on.

Take your own beer and food into the football ground.

It's not about saving money but drinking a beer that you actually like and having a pie that isn't filled with volcanic snot.

I usually take two tins of Speckled Hen and a Hansons meat n tatie or a Ginsters pastie.

Although you've to be quite cute with it when the weather is warm because of a lack of coat.
Two tins in the front pocket of your jeans and the pie/pastie half lodged in the front keeping your own taties warm. Pies/pasties aren't for sharing anyway.   

To stop yourself falling out of bed turn your sofa to the wall and sleep on it.

Take a photo of your fridge when you go shopping so you don't forget what you need.

If a big nasty looking bloke is about to punch you in the face don't let him, it fuckin hurts.