Useful Tips.

If you need to remember something in the morning send yourself a text before you go to sleep.

If you ever take some kids to the zoo wear the same colour clothes as the zoo employees and the animals will come up to you.

If your shoes are too tight or small put on three pairs of socks then the shoes then use a hair dryer on the shoes for ten minutes and presto the shoes will fit perfectly.

piss on your feet in the shower to harden them up so you don't get blisters.

If you find yourself in the nasty position of being constipated and have to pass a huge one before you attempt it and to limit damage to your A hole first lubricate it with Vaseline and it should pass comfortably.

If you're team keep losing go out in a balaclava and kick some hoodies fucking head in .

Always carry toilet roll with you, just in-case you have to empty your bowel on ASDA car-park.

Only try AD's and Scotts hints after careful consideration  

My fence has blown down with the wind, and one of the recommendations to fix it was a chap called 'Whittam'. I don't know why, but I veered away from him.  

Part of the roof blew on on my stables last night, all fixed now.
only hit my thumb twice, with the hammer.

Don't let Magoo build for you.

Don't let him look after your horses either

Stables,but no horses. He probably keeps his supply of Stella in them.

4 horses actually, i have a separate fridge for my liquid gold. 

If you feel like you want to fart, make sure you don't follow through!

4 horses, stables , and a new wall. Do you want to adopt me ?  

Mr Magoo wrote:i have a separate fridge for my liquid gold. 

I never knew you used poppers for anal Magoo!

gloswhite wrote:4 horses, stables , and a new wall. Do you want to adopt me ?  

You would never make it here Glos, the journey would kill you, you old fart. 

karlypants wrote:

Mr Magoo wrote:i have a separate fridge for my liquid gold. 

I never knew you used poppers for anal Magoo!

An impression of Karl  

Mr Magoo wrote:

gloswhite wrote:4 horses, stables , and a new wall. Do you want to adopt me ?  

You would never make it here Glos, the journey would kill you, you old fart. 

Went to Mid Wales and back yesterday, and my bath chair floated quite nicely on the flooding the other side of Hereford.
Anyway, I don't have to move down, you can send me my allowance each week.