One of my old bosses was a right fucking tosspot. He was fucking clueless about everything and when the wheel came off, as it often did, he would turn to his number two and utter the words, ' Jim, I'm rocking miffed!'
He was a dead ringer for Mr Bean and whenever he had to discipline employees, his opening gambit was, ' I am very cross with you.' ( Who the fcuk uses the word cross any more ?)
He lived in a tasty gaff in Lymm and drove one of the first Peugeot cars with a diesel engine. He only had a three year contact and we got our revenge at the Xmas do.
For arguments sake let's call the new boss Rowan. Prior to his appointment as head of our department our team leader was a chap called Jim. Jim was a company man through and through having started straight from school. He was a hands on leader who wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty and everything he knew he had gained from the experience of doing the job rather than writing about it. He was well respected and a decent bloke to work for. When Rowan took over the dynamics changed. They were like chalk and cheese. Rowan had some kind of business degree/diploma and was academically very good on paper. Unfortunately he had no personal skills whatsoever and was devoid of humour. He wasn't really a nice person to work for. They say that some people have a presence about them whenever they walk into a room. Somebody like Johnny Cash springs to mind. Rowan was similar, it was like a corpse had entered the office. He never showed Jim any respect and whenever things went wrong he would take it out on Jim. He used to use him as his own personal secretary asking him to phone people up and make appointments on his behalf. Jim didn't like him but he used to put up with it. One day I said to Jim, ' Next time he asks you to phone somebody up for him just say ' Is my finger any different than yours Boss?'
If any junior staff members approached Rowan with a question or a query he would shoo them away and tell them to ask Jim. He was a bean counter and number cruncher with no time for anyone other than himself.
I didn't like the cut of his jib from the day he arrived but I chose to keep my powder dry so that if any shenanigans should occur then the finger of suspicion wouldn't be pointed in my direction. I always deliberately gave him the impression that I was a bit stupid and it worked a treat because he rarely spoke to me. There were about twenty staff working in the office and after he had been there for nearly six months he still didn't know the names of half of the people in the office. They say ignorance is bliss but in his case it was the start of his first faux pas. My desk was at the front near to Rowan and at the desk next to me was a portly chap called Phil. One day while Phil was away from his desk Rowan said to me, ' What is the chubby chap's name next to you?' I replied, ' Bill ' ( It was close enough to Phil and I could always argue that he had misheard me ) From that day Phil became Bill and nobody ever corrected Rowan including Phil himself.
One of our team was called Mike and he was leaving the company. We decided to have a whip round for him. He sat at the very back of the office and I doubt Rowan had ever spoken to him. We decided to buy Mike a pewter tankard as a leaving present and Rowan offered to go and have it engraved. As he was leaving the office he collared me and asked me what he should put on the tankard. I suggested something simple like, ' To Mark, we will never forget you.' He wrote it down on a piece of paper and off he went.
On Mike's last day we gathered in the office and Rowan produced the tankard and presented it to Mike thanking him for his work. Mike looked at the tankard and was finding it difficult to compose himself and keep a straight face. Jim was looking at me with his ' I know what you did ' look.
More later.... I'm off for a haircut.
He was a dead ringer for Mr Bean and whenever he had to discipline employees, his opening gambit was, ' I am very cross with you.' ( Who the fcuk uses the word cross any more ?)
He lived in a tasty gaff in Lymm and drove one of the first Peugeot cars with a diesel engine. He only had a three year contact and we got our revenge at the Xmas do.
For arguments sake let's call the new boss Rowan. Prior to his appointment as head of our department our team leader was a chap called Jim. Jim was a company man through and through having started straight from school. He was a hands on leader who wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty and everything he knew he had gained from the experience of doing the job rather than writing about it. He was well respected and a decent bloke to work for. When Rowan took over the dynamics changed. They were like chalk and cheese. Rowan had some kind of business degree/diploma and was academically very good on paper. Unfortunately he had no personal skills whatsoever and was devoid of humour. He wasn't really a nice person to work for. They say that some people have a presence about them whenever they walk into a room. Somebody like Johnny Cash springs to mind. Rowan was similar, it was like a corpse had entered the office. He never showed Jim any respect and whenever things went wrong he would take it out on Jim. He used to use him as his own personal secretary asking him to phone people up and make appointments on his behalf. Jim didn't like him but he used to put up with it. One day I said to Jim, ' Next time he asks you to phone somebody up for him just say ' Is my finger any different than yours Boss?'
If any junior staff members approached Rowan with a question or a query he would shoo them away and tell them to ask Jim. He was a bean counter and number cruncher with no time for anyone other than himself.
I didn't like the cut of his jib from the day he arrived but I chose to keep my powder dry so that if any shenanigans should occur then the finger of suspicion wouldn't be pointed in my direction. I always deliberately gave him the impression that I was a bit stupid and it worked a treat because he rarely spoke to me. There were about twenty staff working in the office and after he had been there for nearly six months he still didn't know the names of half of the people in the office. They say ignorance is bliss but in his case it was the start of his first faux pas. My desk was at the front near to Rowan and at the desk next to me was a portly chap called Phil. One day while Phil was away from his desk Rowan said to me, ' What is the chubby chap's name next to you?' I replied, ' Bill ' ( It was close enough to Phil and I could always argue that he had misheard me ) From that day Phil became Bill and nobody ever corrected Rowan including Phil himself.
One of our team was called Mike and he was leaving the company. We decided to have a whip round for him. He sat at the very back of the office and I doubt Rowan had ever spoken to him. We decided to buy Mike a pewter tankard as a leaving present and Rowan offered to go and have it engraved. As he was leaving the office he collared me and asked me what he should put on the tankard. I suggested something simple like, ' To Mark, we will never forget you.' He wrote it down on a piece of paper and off he went.
On Mike's last day we gathered in the office and Rowan produced the tankard and presented it to Mike thanking him for his work. Mike looked at the tankard and was finding it difficult to compose himself and keep a straight face. Jim was looking at me with his ' I know what you did ' look.
More later.... I'm off for a haircut.