Should I Meet Him?

Shit, I've just kicked the door in and the fat Canadian is dead as a Dodo on the toilet. Ironically reading a copy of The Walking Dead.

What the fook should I do. I don't even have a patio!

Natasha Whittam wrote:Shit, I've just kicked the door in and the fat Canadian is dead as a Dodo on the toilet. Ironically reading a copy of The Walking Dead.

What the fook should I do. I don't even have a patio!

Poor taste even for you

You're a bird so you must own a food processor.

Chop him up into very small pieces then mince him.

Then make him into pies.

And sell them to your neighbours and make a few quid.

That's what I did.

Every cloud and all that.

Fuck me, It's the Jordashes all over again!

You turn to your online friends for help and all they can do is mock.

Just wait until one of you have a fat Canadian dead on your bog.

Natasha Whittam wrote:You turn to your online friends for help and all they can do is mock.

Just wait until one of you have a fat Canadian dead on your bog.

Can't you drag him out and slide him down the rubbish chute ready for the bin men?

karlypants wrote:

Can't you drag him out and slide him down the rubbish chute ready for the bin men?

I'm 8 stone, he's at least 16 stone. And dead.

You do the math.

Cover him in chocolate and imagine hes a big fuck off twirl and chow down

You're not taking this seriously.

Wait 'til he dries out a bit, varnish him and then make a "feature" out of him.

He could be a talking point at dinner parties.

Breadman wrote:Wait 'til he dries out a bit, varnish him and then make a "feature" out of him.

He could be a talking point at dinner parties.

I was going to suggest stuffing him but he's already stuffed apparently!

Hi y'all

Not been missing in action but been winding up this bint and she says she if from Preston.  I pretended that I was a Canadian Environmental lawyer.  This bint for it hook, line and sinker.

When I did finally turn up it wasn't Preston but it was a council flat in Leyland.

What was I to do.  I had to think of something - sh had me trapped in the flat and wouldn't let me out - and the most scariest part was that she still had her tackle.  On the scanner and printer were printouts of her photoshopping herself into various promotional literature and calling herself Preston Business Woman of the Year!

Christ I nearly died, and wanted to get out.  Therefore my only outlet was to pretend I needed the loo so this morning put the plan into action.  I went to the bathroom, if you can call it that, and slowed my heartbeat right down to 5 beats per minute and let her think I was dead.  When I was "taken" away by the paramedics I came back around and have never been so thankful for getting out of a bad situation.

If you ever see the name Natasha Whittam on a lawyers do slappers website, then stay away - she is not as she seems!