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Terrorist or Big Knob?

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rammywhite
okocha
karlypants
scottjames30
boltonbonce
whatsgoingon
Bread2.0
Natasha Whittam
12 posters

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1Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:52 pm

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

So I've been to Spain for a week with a guy I met on Match.com (that's a story of its own by the way).

So Monday evening we get to the airport for the flight back to Manchester. We get through security into the waiting area and once I've filled up with duty free Pepsi and Twirls, we take a seat.

Almost immediately I notice a very strange man. No, not my date, but a 40-50 year old Asian man wearing a thick woollen suit over a jumper. It's at least 80 degrees outside and not much cooler in the airport.

Even worse, there appears to be a bulge around his chest and upper stomach. So either he's got a massive misshapen knob or he's got something strapped around his chest.

And to add to the weirdo vibe he's giving out, he's walking around the airport with a slight limp and talking to himself. He appears to be alone, although if someone was with him you'd not expect them to advertise that fact.

Within minutes I'd pegged him as a terrorist. So how had he gotten through security with something strapped around his chest? Hadn't the thick woollen suit tipped off the security at the airport? Or had they been distracted searching the 6 year old with a soft toy?

So I'm praying he's not on my flight. But, of course, several flights leave and he's still wandering round the airport mumbling to himself. Again I pray that he's either missed his flight or is simply the airport weirdo. Predictably he shuffles towards my flight when it's announced it's time to board.

So now I'm torn. Do I alert the authorities to the fact that Osama Bin Laden's nutcase brother is about to board a flight to Manchester with a bomb strapped to his chest, but run the risk of being branded a racist with a grudge against care-in-the-community. Or do fuck all and hope the bomb is really his misshapen knob.

So, being very British, I kept my mouth shut and we boarded the plane.

And, even more predictably, once he'd shuffled up and down the aisle five times, twice sitting in the wrong seat, he ended up in the row directly in front of us. Bloody typical, I'll be the first to go if it's a bomb, and the first to be covered in his juice should his knob go off.

So for 3 hours I just sat there shitting myself. Every time he moved I was expecting a cry of Allahu Akbar followed by a bright light. Thankfully it never came. And neither did he.

Would you have done the same in my situation, or was it my duty to report him to the authorities no matter how unlikely it was he was a terrorist?

2Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:06 pm

Bread2.0

Bread2.0
Andy Walker
Andy Walker

Natasha Whittam wrote:
So for 3 hours I just sat there shitting myself. 

Is that really all we have to do to keep you in check?

Present you with an odd-looking old person, who's clearly not a full shilling?

Bonce!

Get your shoes on, you're going to Preston.

3Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:06 pm

whatsgoingon

whatsgoingon
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington

Definitely sounds like you're a racist Islamophobe to me, although Asians stereotypically have small knobs so there is a conflict there

4Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:08 pm

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Bread2.0 wrote:
Natasha Whittam wrote:
So for 3 hours I just sat there shitting myself. 

Is that really all we have to do to keep you in check?

Present you with an odd-looking old person, who's clearly not a full shilling?

Bonce!

Get your shoes on, you're going to Preston.
At least I can get both my shoes on. Razz

5Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:11 pm

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

whatsgoingon wrote:Definitely sounds like you're a racist Islamophobe to me

And this is my point. Like many people I'd rather die at the hands of a suicide bomber than risk being branded a racist.

Crazy.

6Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:13 pm

scottjames30

scottjames30
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

I would've had a quiet word with somebody, there is an ISIS attack every 46 hours on average, I can't believe you took the risk and didn't say anything.

7Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:15 pm

whatsgoingon

whatsgoingon
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington

Made me paranoid everyone's going to think I'm a terrorist, I might need to go in for a reduction

8Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:17 pm

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

whatsgoingon wrote:Made me paranoid everyone's going to think I'm a terrorist, I might need to go in for a reduction

Does every thread have to be about your knob?

9Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:18 pm

whatsgoingon

whatsgoingon
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington

Natasha Whittam wrote:
whatsgoingon wrote:Made me paranoid everyone's going to think I'm a terrorist, I might need to go in for a reduction

Does every thread have to be about your knob?
no just the knob related ones and maybe one or two more, but you want it though but you can't so stop PM'ing me

10Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:21 pm

Bread2.0

Bread2.0
Andy Walker
Andy Walker

I'll give you that one, Bonce.

Although I'm not sure that tartan slippers count as proper shoes.

Anyway, back on topic:

Nat,

I'm a bit disappointed by your obvious shitbaggery here.

You're a strong, intelligent woman in her prime.

Why didn't you just engage him in conversation and then demand to see his knob in front of a plane full of people?

It would have been a perfectly reasonable request in the circumstances and I feel let down that you bottled it.

I expect better of you.

11Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:23 pm

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Bread2.0 wrote:
Nat,

I'm a bit disappointed by your obvious shitbaggery here.

You're a strong, intelligent woman in her prime.

Why didn't you just engage him in conversation and then demand to see his knob in front of a plane full of people?

It would have been a perfectly reasonable request in the circumstances and I feel let down that you bottled it.

I expect better of you.

You can get arrested for asking a basket case to show you his knob.

I wouldn't last 5 minutes in prison with looks like these.

12Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:24 pm

whatsgoingon

whatsgoingon
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington

Bread2.0 wrote:You're a strong, intelligent woman in her prime.
:rofl:

13Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:25 pm

whatsgoingon

whatsgoingon
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington

Natasha Whittam wrote:
Bread2.0 wrote:
Nat,

I'm a bit disappointed by your obvious shitbaggery here.

You're a strong, intelligent woman in her prime.

Why didn't you just engage him in conversation and then demand to see his knob in front of a plane full of people?

It would have been a perfectly reasonable request in the circumstances and I feel let down that you bottled it.

I expect better of you.

You can get arrested for asking a basket case to show you his knob.

I wouldn't last 5 minutes in prison with looks like these.
You never know you might get a blind judge who sends you to a woman's prison  Very Happy

14Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:28 pm

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

I wish to make it known that I do not wear tartan slippers.
Terrorist or Big Knob? Asian-cute-panda-slippers-142746

15Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 4:59 pm

karlypants

karlypants
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

boltonbonce wrote:I wish to make it known that I do not wear tartan slippers.
Terrorist or Big Knob? Asian-cute-panda-slippers-142746
I never had you down as a person who wears women's tights...

16Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 5:03 pm

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

They're stockings KP. With suspenders.Terrorist or Big Knob? Hey_sexy-2552

17Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 5:05 pm

Bread2.0

Bread2.0
Andy Walker
Andy Walker

Haven't you got slender ankles for a bloke.

It's no wonder you keep falling over.... Very Happy

18Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 5:09 pm

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Seriously tiring of the bumchumary.

19Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 5:12 pm

boltonbonce

boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Piss off then.

20Terrorist or Big Knob? Empty Re: Terrorist or Big Knob? Wed Aug 31, 2016 5:12 pm

Bread2.0

Bread2.0
Andy Walker
Andy Walker

And....?

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