Call This Number For Knob Action

No, not a thread about KP's new business cards, it's actually wording scrawled on the wall of the men's toilets in my local pub. With my number next to it.

Late on Friday night I received a text from a withheld number asking if I was available for knob action. Quite shocking, but I just put it down to a spam text. 20 minutes later I got another one, this one asking if I had a massive willy, and did I send dick pics. Again, I put it down to spam text.

But a few minutes later I received another asking if he could give me a "facial" and whereabouts the penthouse was. Penthouse. This wasn't spam text, someone local had my number.

Then I got a phone call from a withheld number. Upon answering the call a bloke commented on my sexy deep voice and asked how big my cock was. Weird. Surely he could tell I was a woman? I asked him where he got my number and he said it was written on the bog wall in the pub not 500 yards from my penthouse.

Who the fuck has done this? I've had to turn my phone off this weekend. When I quickly switched it on just now I had 46 texts and 17 voicemail messages. Who knew pub bog walls were such great places to advertise.

I will have to change my number in the morning.

Have you ever had your number used in an embarrassing place?

I couldn't get any answer. I'm shocked to discover I'd been phoning you, of all people.

However, I left a message. What I'm looking for is an M Marcus Reeded Mortice Knob, 60mm, in satin chrome.

They normally go for about £25 a pair, but I'm sure you can manage a discount for a fellow Nutter.

Do you do escutcheon's?

I also need a large one for the front door, but I think I'll leave the choice to you. The front door is the main door, so I'll happily let you, as the expert decide.

My knob is in your hands. I don't do cash.

boltonbonce wrote:My knob is in your hands.

I'm not Breadman.

i thought you'd changed number as i couldn't get through to arrange our weekly session. How about the Travelodge Preston for a change? I'll book us in as Mr and Mrs Campo. You bring the talc and i'll bring the gimp suit as usual.

It's no wonder Bargain Booze is struggling with Natasha taking all the custom away!

Norpig wrote:i thought you'd changed number as i couldn't get through to arrange our weekly session. How about the Travelodge Preston for a change? I'll book us in as Mr and Mrs Campo. You bring the talc and i'll bring the gimp suit as usual.

I've heard that Nat prefers The Tickled Trout.