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Granny Slags

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1Granny Slags Empty Granny Slags on Mon Jul 30 2012, 22:07

Quent

Quent
Nicolas Anelka
Nicolas Anelka
It's been a rough few weeks, my dick feels like it's been forced through a cheese grater but I refuse to give up on my search for the perfect slag.

Having targeted middle-aged slags last time out I quickly realised they are just as difficult as young slags. Considering most of them look like Keith Allen after a train crash you'd wouldn't think they'd be so fussy about condoms and STDs. But they are.

Luckily I found a new website full of sexy slags, www.grannyslags.co.uk, I wish I'd come here first. The site is crawling with pensioner slags who've had sex more times than I've shaved my back. I'm telling you, their snatches are wider than the holes in our back four when Zat Knight is playing.

As usual I swapped a few saucy e-mails and snaps with various granny slags and picked three to meet up with and shag. First up on Friday night was Dorothy:

Granny Slags LargeGranny Slags LargeGranny Slags Large

Dorothy is 62, from Chorlton-cum-Hardy, and enjoys swimming, holidaying in Milan, and being spit-roasted by two men. As you can see from the pics, she is well hot for a 62 year old slag, no one would believe she has a bus pass. Her fanny was extremely welcoming, but it was weird having Derek (her 74 year old neighbour) stood over us while Dorothy sucked his cock.

On Saturday night I was lucky enough to meet up with Meg:

Granny Slags LargeGranny Slags Large

Meg is 66, from Gorton, and enjoys reading, gardening and being donkey punched (look it up). I've always loved Gorton slags, they are dirtier than the houses they live in, and Meg was no exception. The donkey punching took a bit of getting used to, but what man doesn't want to slap his slag around a bit? I could walk to her house which is always a bonus, I don't want to be wasting petrol on a Gorton slag.

Last night was my encounter with Beryl. Just look at this hottie:

Granny Slags LargeGranny Slags Large

Beryl is 70, from Audenshaw, and enjoys bingo, crosswords and fisting. Now I have to say I've never tried fisting before, how the fuck do you get a fist in some slags snatch? But I shouldn't have worried, Beryl could have fit every fist of the GB Olympic team up her fanny, it was so loose she'd parked her Mini in there. The sex was pretty good as well, so much so that the constant beeping of her pacemaker didn't bother me at all. Having sex with Beryl was a bit like throwing a sausage down a hallway, but she was happy to do bareback so I had no complaints.

So there we have it folks. Three top contenders, I really need your help to decide which granny slag to make the next Mrs Quent. Be quick, they might not be here for long.

2Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Mon Jul 30 2012, 22:28

Guest


Guest
You need help lad.

3Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Mon Jul 30 2012, 22:35

largehat

largehat
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
Wikipedia needs editing, Quent. It claims 'donkey punching' is fictirious, but you've just lived and breathed the experience, and besides, you wouldn't lie.


Donkey punch is a slang term for a fictitious sexual practice supposedly performed during doggy style sex, particularly anal sex. The purported practice involves the penetrating partner punching the receiving partner on the back of the head or in the lower back to make the receiving partner's anal or vaginal passage tense up, thus increasing the pleasure of the penetrative partner. In fact, there is no reflex in humans that would cause such tensing in response to a blow on the head, although striking a partner on the back of the neck or head could cause severe, even lethal injury.

It just goes to show you how unreliable Wikipedia is as a reference source.

Anyway, moving on to your slag hunt, I think Meg would get my vote, but it's a close thing. So many fantastic options. It's a bit like that three game window last season when both Paul Robinson and Marcos Alonso were both injury free at the same time.

What swings it for Meg is that there seems to be a range of different crevices to explore and manipulate. Also, in these recessionary times, saving 50p here and there on petrol means if she soldiers on for a few years, you will have saved enough to pay for the funeral and crem.

4Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Mon Jul 30 2012, 23:24

Mr Magoo

Mr Magoo
Youri Djorkaeff
Youri Djorkaeff
Bolton Hater wrote:You need help lad.


I have to agree BH, this prick needs shooting, or banning you MODs are fucking useless.
This site should be shut down allowing this shit.
I shall report it myself BYE.

5Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Mon Jul 30 2012, 23:55

Angry Dad

Angry Dad
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo
This reminds me of a film with gene hackman about slaughtering pigs at a party.

6Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 09:24

Numpty 28723

Numpty 28723
Andy Walker
Andy Walker
I wish I hadn't looked at this thread so early in the day. The carrot and cucumber dip I prepared for my lunch is going straight in the bin.

7Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 10:26

Guest


Guest
@Numpty 28723 wrote:The carrot and cucumber dip I prepared for my lunch is going straight in the bin.

lol!

8Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 10:37

Guest


Guest
i will never eat again.

9Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 11:06

Bernard Dennis Park

Bernard Dennis Park
El Hadji Diouf
El Hadji Diouf
@Mr Magoo wrote:I have to agree BH, this prick needs shooting, or banning you MODs are fucking useless.
This site should be shut down allowing this shit.
I shall report it myself BYE.

Who are you reporting it to? The internet police?

10Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 11:21

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Judging by Magoo's reaction I'm thinking he's just spotted his missus amongst those grannys.

11Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 11:27

Bernard Dennis Park

Bernard Dennis Park
El Hadji Diouf
El Hadji Diouf
Or Beryl is his mam.

12Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 11:37

Guest


Guest
I bet one of them is bwfc71's bird.

13Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 12:12

Mr Magoo

Mr Magoo
Youri Djorkaeff
Youri Djorkaeff
Very funny, who the fuck wants to see a load of fat slag's on the net, weirdo's.

14Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 12:20

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Mr Magoo wrote:Very funny, who the fuck wants to see a load of fat slag's on the net, weirdo's.

You ageist bastard Magoo, I'm going to report you. Are you saying women over 60 can't enjoy a healthy sex life?

15Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 12:31

Mr Magoo

Mr Magoo
Youri Djorkaeff
Youri Djorkaeff
I am not saying that, i just don't want to see the old cunts at it, puts me off my dinner.

16Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 12:52

Hipster_Nebula

Hipster_Nebula
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Mr Magoo wrote:I am not saying that, i just don't want to see the old cunts at it, puts me off my dinner.

Try the "foes" option.

lets you ignore people.

17Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 12:53

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
What? That last message was a blank.

18Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 12:54

Hipster_Nebula

Hipster_Nebula
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Natasha Whittam wrote:What? That last message was a blank.

very funny but it doesn't appear blank.

19Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 12:56

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Hipster_Nebula wrote:
very funny but it doesn't appear blank.


It wouldn't unless you put yourself on your foe list. Which I would do if I was you.

20Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 13:02

largehat

largehat
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
Passi wrote:
@Numpty 28723 wrote:The carrot and cucumber dip I prepared for my lunch is going straight in the bin.

lol!

I second that lol!

21Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 13:09

Guest


Guest
Quent can i have the numbers of the 2 slags you turned down they look right up my street

22Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 13:22

Hipster_Nebula

Hipster_Nebula
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@Natasha Whittam wrote:
@Hipster_Nebula wrote:
very funny but it doesn't appear blank.


It wouldn't unless you put yourself on your foe list. Which I would do if I was you.

Shocked

23Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 14:24

bwfc71

bwfc71
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo
Has BH yet said he has had them all, yet?

24Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 16:08

Guest


Guest
@bwfc71 wrote:Has BH yet said he has had them all, yet?

Beryl looks like your type.

25Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 16:42

bwfc71

bwfc71
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo
Not my style at all, unless of course it was the late Beryl Reid or the one with purple hair-rinse out of Corrie!



Happy and content with my present girlfriend (she is younger than me!)

26Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 16:54

Guest


Guest
@bwfc71 wrote:
Happy and content with my present girlfriend (she is younger than me!)

Don't think you've mentioned that before Rolling Eyes

27Granny Slags Empty Re: Granny Slags on Tue Jul 31 2012, 20:59

Quent

Quent
Nicolas Anelka
Nicolas Anelka
Sorry chaps, I'm not giving you the details of these hotties, I may need them if my first choice croaks it while being spit roasted.

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