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Local Slags

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1Local Slags Empty Local Slags on Sat Jun 23 2012, 11:33

Quent

Quent
Nicolas Anelka
Nicolas Anelka
I feel I'm at a bit of a crossroads in my lovelife. After kidnapping a hooker and marrying a ladyboy I feel it's the quiet life for me from now on. I'm tired of the last thing my girlfriend says to me being "here's your change" or "I'll just wipe my cock".

So like many of you single guys I've turned to the internet for my next attempt at love, and have joined a website called "Local Slags".

www.localslags.co.uk

The title is a good clue as to what you will find on the site, basically it's just a load of slags wanting to be shagged. And they don't charge. Or have cocks. You can have young slags, middle-aged slags, granny slags, married slags, fit slags, ugly slags, skinny slags and fat slags. You get the picture.

I wish I'd found this site 2 months ago, it would have saved me £10k and a very sore arse.

Anyway, I've spent the last week swapping messages with a variety of slags in the Manchester area. I've been realistic, some twenty year old fit slag with massive knockers and tight arse is not going to be interested in me, so I've stuck to the 35+ slags as they're bound to be more desperate and less picky.

Several of the slags want to meet me, but I've narrowed it down to three local slags as follows:

Local Slags 4316661A-0C69-6091-508C1ADF898EF279

Michelle is 42 and lives in Gorton which is ideal for me. She likes long romantic walks in the park, fluffy kittens and anal sex. She's by far the hottest of the slags I've been in contact with, the only downside is she wants someone rich. Hopefully a 26 year old male with only a £10k debt for trying to buy his last girlfriend will appear rich to some slag from Gorton.

Local Slags C8D75BD4-E16C-478D-F971822040B05C71

Sally is 39 and almost certainly one of the original fat slags. She likes eating, baking and using her 14 inch strap-on to hurt men. She owns her own house with reinforced floors and has no children. Fat slags are notoriously needy which is good, I want a woman to worship me - if I have to take a 14 inch truncheon up the shitter then so be it.

Local Slags 3BEBCC0C-BB1A-9EA6-76492CFB2F175661

Elsie is 54 and extremely hot for her age. She likes playing with her 9 grandchildren, reading John Grisham novels and dogging. She claims to be rich and live in a secluded farmhouse with a bidet. Posh slag.

I have asked all of them the most important question, do you have a cock, and they all answered in the negative. Although Sally said she wishes she did.

So which slag do I choose? Any thoughts? Is anyone else registered with localslags.co.uk?

2Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sat Jun 23 2012, 12:36

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Michelle looks a lot younger than 42, I'd be careful with that one, she probably is 42 but the photo was taken in 1997.

3Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sat Jun 23 2012, 13:38

Angry Dad

Angry Dad
Youri Djorkaeff
Youri Djorkaeff
Why would a girl as hot as Michelle want or need to be on a slag site or be associated with the word? I just brought the sight up but it's come up with women from where I'm staying and they don't look like slags more like hooters girls.

4Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sat Jun 23 2012, 20:13

Reebok Trotter

Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
My advice would be to give Elsie a wide berth. If he is 54 I will show my arse in Burton's window.

5Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sat Jun 23 2012, 20:38

largehat

largehat
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
Quent, I read your latest romantic scenario based article around lunchtime today and thought I would muse upon the situation a while before offering a considered opinion.

It is very tempting to be rash or judgemental in affairs of the heart and I wanted to contemplate your own desideratum rather than that which would be my own.

The first thing I will say is that you once again demonstrate wisdom in your choice to seek counsel on an internet forum populated by strangers. It is far more important that you receive the right advice rather than advice from people who tell you what you want to hear.

A case in point. A dear friend of mine is being dragged through the courts at the moment by his wife, who woke up one day and said she didn't want to be married any more and that she is taking the kids, and he can get fucked if he wants access to them. He has been battling her in court for what seems like years. She is totally unreasonable. I said to him, "you need to get hold of some big fat thing and give it a right good shafting", his reply was, "I've just got rid of one of those."

Here's how I see the three candidates.

Michelle, 42 - I suspect she is a bit fucked up. By which I mean, she has a lot of baggage, and a ripped arse. Even if you can convince her you have sufficient material means to satisfy her, she will give it the old waterworks at every opportunity I reckon. She is living under the illusion that she can still be a princess, unfortunately, that ship sailed some time in the last century, and she is a fallen angel. I would only rattle that if I had no other choice.

I thought Sally, 39, was your girl. She would make you a nice breakfast in the morning. She would be affectionate and would light your post-coital fag. Perhaps the tender hand you need after the harshness of Billie's unforgiving and relentless shaft. But I think all the tea and sympathy would be tiresome in the medium term, and before long you would end up up as a guest of Jeremy Kyle, being bellowed at for having the cheek to have a past.

Elsie, 54, is your girl. Definitely. She will do the job. You will be using each other. You will be disgusted with yourself for knocking the back out of someone old enough to be your mum's older sister, and she will feel disgusted when she finds out you live in Denton. It's a marriage (metaphorically - don't get carried away) of equals. You'd be degrading yourselves, and each other. The added benefit of course is that she is no longer ovulating so no entrapment. I'd meet up with her at an STD clinic, and providing she gets the green light, have a local mini-cab on hand ready to get her back to yours, preferably while mum and dad are down the offy.

Good luck.

6Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sat Jun 23 2012, 20:48

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson
LH, sound and well considered advice. However, there is also the point of view that as Quent is on a sampling exercise, he should consider prodding each one in turrn. If nothing else, it gets him out of the house.

7Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sat Jun 23 2012, 21:01

largehat

largehat
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
You see, I disagree, gloswhite. What Quent needs is some stability right now. He should knob one of these slags with a view to knobbing it again on a regular basis. A bit like BWFC's transfer policy. He should hedge his bets rather than play the percentages. Picking Elsie up outside Mecca Bingo of a Friday night every week for the rest of 2012 could be just what he needs. He can talk about his battered rectum, she can talk about her water retention.

8Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sat Jun 23 2012, 21:21

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson
Hhmmm, eminently sensible, but I see Quent benefitting from as short a time as possible with each one initally, thus reducing the liklihood of offering all his income, or a lifetime of commitment, on his second date. Looking at this from a culinary point of view, it would depend on whether Quent prefers a buffet or a sit-down a la carte meal. however, I did pick up on your BWFC comment, and I feel that before pronging any with gusto, he should make sure they whether they are a Whites fan, whereby he can have a relaxed approach, or if Man Utd fan, (or City), then he should take the 'shit-house door in a gale' approach.

9Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sat Jun 23 2012, 21:45

summercummings


Nicky Hunt
Nicky Hunt
My thoughts Quent.

It is £40 for one month or £90 for 3 months to join this site and in my opinion only top quality 6ft, handsome, hung stallions will get much action, apart from the women of course who will get as much cock as they want.There will be dozens of men for each woman to choose from and having perused the Greater Manchester girls at least one of them has the same profile on Adultwork charging £60 for half an hour at her base in Hyde.The woman doesn't even provide a face shot but gets custom from punters all the same.Her username on Localslags is Janet...age 35
By the way Quent have you seen the adult video starring Sandy from Sandys Apartment in Prestwich which is on one of the free pornsites.What a cracker she was and only £60 for the half hour back in the day before she retired still in her prime.It is rare for a beautiful woman to be so brazen and who could forget the video publicising her services with a sparkler in her fanny lol. When you can get top quality like Sandy for £60 an half hour, and you still can I really think that is a better way of enjoying your hard earned than wasting your time and efforts on this website.

10Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sat Jun 23 2012, 21:52

Sluffy

Sluffy
Admin
Hello and welcome Summer.

Are you as knowledgeable about football programmes as well by any chance?

If so I'm personally delighted you've found us at last.



Last edited by Sluffy on Sat Jun 23 2012, 22:10; edited 1 time in total

11Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sat Jun 23 2012, 22:05

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson
Wow, quite an intro. Welcome to the forum summercummings (how apt)

12Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sun Jun 24 2012, 00:10

Angry Dad

Angry Dad
Youri Djorkaeff
Youri Djorkaeff
@largehat wrote:Quent, I read your latest romantic scenario based article around lunchtime today and thought I would muse upon the situation a while before offering a considered opinion.

It is very tempting to be rash or judgemental in affairs of the heart and I wanted to contemplate your own desideratum rather than that which would be my own.
M
The first thing I will say is that you once again demonstrate wisdom in your choice to seek counsel on an internet forum populated by strangers. It is far more important that you receive the right advice rather than advice from people who tell you what you want to hear.

A case in point. A dear friend of mine is being dragged through the courts at the moment by his wife, who woke up one day and said she didn't want to be married any more and that she is taking the kids, and he can get fucked if he wants access to them. He has been battling her in court for what seems like years. She is totally unreasonable. I said to him, "you need to get hold of some big fat thing and give it a right good shafting", his reply was, "I've just got rid of one of those."

Here's how I see the three candidates.

Michelle, 42 - I suspect she is a bit fucked up. By which I mean, she has a lot of baggage, and a ripped arse. Even if you can convince her you have sufficient material means to satisfy her, she will give it the old waterworks at every opportunity I reckon. She is living under the illusion that she can still be a princess, unfortunately, that ship sailed some time in the last century, and she is a fallen angel. I would only rattle that if I had no other choice.

I thought Sally, 39, was your girl. She would make you a nice breakfast in the morning. She would be affectionate and would light your post-coital fag. Perhaps the tender hand you need after the harshness of Billie's unforgiving and relentless shaft. But I think all the tea and sympathy would be tiresome in the medium term, and before long you would end up up as a guest of Jeremy Kyle, being bellowed at for having the cheek to have a past.

Elsie, 54, is your girl. Definitely. She will do the job. You will be using each other. You will be disgusted with yourself for knocking the back out of someone old enough to be your mum's older sister, and she will feel disgusted when she finds out you live in Denton. It's a marriage (metaphorically - don't get carried away) of equals. You'd be degrading yourselves, and each other. The added benefit of course is that she is no longer ovulating so no entrapment. I'd meet up with her at an STD clinic, and providing she gets the green light, have a local mini-cab on hand ready to get her back to yours, preferably while mum and dad are down the offy.

Good luck.
. Very Happy

13Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sun Jun 24 2012, 09:07

Quent

Quent
Nicolas Anelka
Nicolas Anelka
@summercummings wrote:My thoughts Quent.

It is £40 for one month or £90 for 3 months to join this site and in my opinion only top quality 6ft, handsome, hung stallions will get much action

This is why I'm targeting the fat and ugly, believe me when I say these slags are desperate to meet me. One even offered to pick me up and go dogging in Audenshaw. I get a woody just thinking about it.

14Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sun Jun 24 2012, 09:08

Quent

Quent
Nicolas Anelka
Nicolas Anelka
@Angry Dad wrote:Why would a girl as hot as Michelle want or need to be on a slag site or be associated with the word?

You're right, it seems a bit too good to be true. However, I feel it was not meant to be with Michelle anyway, she hasn't replied since I sent her a photo of my 3 inch donger.

15Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sun Jun 24 2012, 09:09

Quent

Quent
Nicolas Anelka
Nicolas Anelka
Oh, and thanks to Largehat and Gloswhite for their thoughtful posts. It's going to be a lot easier poking these slags knowing you are right behind me.

16Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Tue Jun 26 2012, 21:57

Reebok Trotter

Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
As I have got older I have realised that I can live without sex, but not my glasses.

17Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Wed Jun 27 2012, 07:47

Keegan

Keegan
Moderator
Moderator
@Quent wrote:You're right, it seems a bit too good to be true. However, I feel it was not meant to be with Michelle anyway, she hasn't replied since I sent her a photo of my 3 inch donger.

I fear you took the wrong approach with the photo, Quent - you should have told her you will give her 9 inches (then give her the 3 inch donger three times for cumulative effect)!

https://forum.boltonnuts.co.uk

18Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Wed Jun 27 2012, 09:46

Guest


Guest
Quent, I must thank you for flagging up this fantastic website. I haven't seen so many slags in one place since I last drove through Bolton town centre. I've joined Local Slags and have sent my photo to 12 of the slags in the Blackburn area. Can't wait to get some saucy pics in reply.

19Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Wed Jun 27 2012, 09:56

Keegan

Keegan
Moderator
Moderator
I'll bet they can't wait to get their hands on both inches of your 'length', eh BH?

https://forum.boltonnuts.co.uk

20Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Wed Jun 27 2012, 10:04

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
I am amazed at how many of the women seem to think the way to attract a man is to post a photo of their vigina.

21Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Wed Jun 27 2012, 11:36

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson
Eh? I thought you understood men Smile

22Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Wed Jun 27 2012, 11:47

Numpty 28723

Numpty 28723
Andy Walker
Andy Walker
I've not had time to register with Local Slags myself yet but can I offer a word of advice. If you're trying to forget Billie and you're considering hooking up with Sally, think long and hard - chances are they are the same person.

I've taken the liberty of consulting Random Paragraph Generator on your behalf and the verdict is:

Quent gasps throughout Local Slags. The perceived acorn replies to Local Slags near the vinyl. Local Slags warns a characteristic indicator. Quent bangs against the carrot.

Hope this helps, mate.

23Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Wed Jun 27 2012, 12:24

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@gloswhite wrote:Eh? I thought you understood men Smile

When did I say that Very Happy

But seriously, the women are posting photos of their faces and private parts.....and they're mainly 30+ women who will probably have kids.

Imagine little Johnny having a look at Local Slags to get his rocks off to, and seeing mummy holding her fanny open.

24Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Fri Jun 29 2012, 16:54

Quent

Quent
Nicolas Anelka
Nicolas Anelka
I've had a busy three days as I managed to meet up with all three slags I'd mentioned.

First up was Michelle who claimed to be 42 but looked about 32 in her photo. Turns out she was 32 in the photo - when it was taken in 2002. She was still fit but her tits were round her waist and her legs could crack a coconut. But I've paid for sex with far worse so I was straight round her place after our meal at AJ's Kebab & Curry House in Denton. I ignored her constant farting and gave her a bit of Quent love, shame she refused to do it bareback but I guess she was only thinking of me if she really is a slag. Left quite happy, I'd give this slag 7/10.

The following night I met up with fat Sally. Boy can she eat, she had everything on the KFC menu and that was just a starter. By the time she'd finished she'd gone up a dress size, but it's nice to see a woman proud of her curves. We went back to her place where she slipped into something more comfortable (a 4 man tent) and turned the lights out. 10 seconds later I've got a cock up my bum. Had Billie come back to punish me one more time? Why didn't I bring the germoline? Turns out it was just a strap on, and once she'd cleaned the blood off the tip we played Hungry Hippos and I left after Newsnight. I'd give this slag 4/10, I don't need another girlfriend with a cock.

And finally I met up with Elsie, the 54 year old slag from Alderley Edge. I've never legally been in a house as posh as hers before, it made my flat in Denton look a bit rough to be honest. We watched a film and just when I thought I was going to get some Elsie jumps up and wants to go for a drive. We drove for 5 minutes or so and pulled into Alderley Edge Park. I thought we might be going for a midnight stoll but all of a sudden she whips her knickers off and sits on my face. It was a bit of a squash but I was working away when I got the fright of my life, some ugly bloke's nose pressed up against the windscreen. I challenge any man to keep it up while being watched by a Susan Boyle lookalike. As Elsie was shagging the Susan Boyle lookalike I realised dogging is not for me. 3/10 for this slag, most of my sex life has been conducted in a car park and I've had enough.

None of these slags is good enough to be Mrs Quent MkII. The search goes on, I'll e-mail more slags tonight.

25Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Fri Jun 29 2012, 17:35

largehat

largehat
Frank Worthington
Frank Worthington
I'll tell you what, Quent, you don't have encounter some characters lad. Hungry Hippos indeed. Keep an open mind and persevering, I am sure the slag of your dreams is out there.

26Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Fri Jun 29 2012, 18:02

Natasha Whittam

Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
@largehat wrote:I am sure the slag of your dreams is out there.

lol!

27Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Fri Jun 29 2012, 18:08

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson
You're a brave lad Quent, but keep looking, because the girl of your dreams is out there. With all this window shopping, I just hope you recognise the right one when you come across here (doesn't sound right, that bit)

28Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Fri Jun 29 2012, 21:10

Lyric Todkill

Lyric Todkill
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly
@gloswhite wrote:You're a brave lad Quent, but keep looking, because the girl of your dreams is out there. With all this window shopping, I just hope you recognise the right one when you come across here (doesn't sound right, that bit)


keep looking, cos it's a decent read

29Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sat Jul 07 2012, 21:12

summercummings


Nicky Hunt
Nicky Hunt
I am convinced this site is fake.I registered with the site 2 weeks ago and despite not filling in a profile I have 86 messages in my inbox from different women which I would be able to read if I paid the joining fee.Originally it was £40 for one month, I received an email last week saying it would be £30 for a month and today the latest offer is £4.99 for one week.The women who have emailed me today are from Avon, The West Midlands and Derbyshire as i say i have not put any words on my profile never mind a photo and I am supposed to believe all these 86 women are messaging for sex.
I'm not even prepared to pay the £4.99 out of curiosity.I am sure it's the site owners sending the messages to con men into paying to join the site.

30Local Slags Empty Re: Local Slags on Sun Jul 08 2012, 19:20

Reebok Trotter

Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse
Whose picture did you use ? Tom Cruise ?

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