What's the worst thing you've woken up with?

I woke up on Sunday morning in a strange room surrounded by photos of Miley Cyrus and Jonathan Ross. I had a splitting headache and very little memory of the night before.

I remembered paying a hooker £25 for a blowjob down the side of Afflecks Palace but I had no memory of the rest of the evening or getting to this strange bedroom.

Just then I heard a fart from something lying next to me in bed. I was scared to turn over and see what I'd landed. Perhaps my luck had changed and I was in bed with a rich millionairess with massive tits and face to grace any magazine?

But no. I'd managed to hook up with another species, no way was this thing human. It was at least 20 stone with a face that would make fantastic sandpaper. I've been with some dogs in my time, but this was a new low, even for me. I'd have been less disappointed to find I'd just had a threesome with Luke Chadwick and Pete Burns.

Please make me feel better and tell me about some of the hogs you've had a one night stand with.

Keegans mam.

That looks like a man.

Did you have a gay one night stand?

Bernard Dennis Park wrote:That looks like a man.

Did you have a gay one night stand?

Good one.

Bloody Hell, too many trogs to mention! I once woke up with a Bolton bird in my bed, at least I think she was a bird as she had an awful lot of hair and a bit of a beard.

Elsie Wright- i was 42 she was 78 and it showed

has anyone got a genuine story?

Hipster_Nebula wrote:has anyone got a genuine story?

What about you?

Bolton Hater wrote:Bloody Hell, too many trogs to mention! I once woke up with a Bolton bird in my bed, at least I think she was a bird as she had an awful lot of hair and a bit of a beard.

You slept with Sir Nuts dad?

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Hipster_Nebula wrote:has anyone got a genuine story?

What about you?

I've been a virgin for 10 years.

Hipster_Nebula wrote:

I've been a virgin for 10 years.

You're only 10?

27

The numbers don't add up.

Next door's dog. It's a long story. No bodily fluids were exchanged I must add.

Dengue Fever.

Seems most Bolton fans are virgins judging by the lack of one night stand tales.

I've never had a one night stand in my life.

Me neither. I think my record is three minutes.

Not me but an old workmate of mine, he woke up with a gun at his head, Armed police he'd done nowt wrong, but his son was a wrong un, pissed my sides laughing when he told me.