Hilarious LIZ JONES Article.

Bernard Dennis Park wrote:She's the fittest woman in Aberdeen.

largehat wrote:Ugh, Liz Jones' fanny hanging down in that Speedo swimsuit.

Natasha Whittam wrote:
Ha ha, no it isn't. You seem to have a problem with any woman over a certain age. Hipster used to but he has seen the light.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Bernard Dennis Park wrote:She's the fittest woman in Aberdeen.

He claims not to live in Aberdeen, but I suspect he is lying.

Hipster_Nebula wrote:

haha, obviously i was lying about the woman, but unfortunately im not lying about Aberdeen.

Because, boy, i'd love to live there.

I have a giant American fridge freezer, but there is never any food in it, apart from M&S prawns for the cats, who used to have their own shelf, but now have jurisdiction over the whole thing.
I’ve never owned a rolling pin, a baking tray, a palette knife or a mixing bowl. Yes, I have a pair of Dualit scales, but these are used only to weigh the horses’ feeds. I have a toaster, although I never use it as I have a fear of crumbs.
But perhaps my biggest culinary confession is that my Aga gave up the ghost some years ago, and I have not bothered to get it repaired because its only function had been to air sweaters.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2186863/Can-Mary-Berry-teach-fruitcake-like-Liz-Jones-bake-Answer-Of-course--toughest-bake-life.html#ixzz23F1JrdyF

xmiles wrote:

I see food not just as fattening, but as a tool of male oppression.

And then I met the wonder that is Lorraine. She was helpful, without being pushy. When I asked about the biker jacket, saying I’d prefer one in faux leather, she suggested I try Zara. I said I wanted a pair of denim shorts, and she tactfully said ‘Are you sure? It’s nearly autumn’, though when I insisted, she offered to look in the younger department.

When I said I would try on the biker, Lorraine guessed my size correctly and showed me to the changing room.

Before I had time to wail ‘But there is no chair!’ she brought one and when I emerged in the jacket, she said I ‘rocked’.

I then said I wanted a good bath oil, and she recommended Green & Spring, rubbing a sample on my hand, and telling me this organic brand is just as good but cheaper than Cowshed.

My only disappointments were that the Made in Britain Kinky Knickers had sold out in all sizes but large and I wasn’t given a ‘Mary’ carrier bag, only a standard issue House of Fraser one.

When I got home I found I’d been given a body cream, not the exfoliating rub I’d asked for, but when I rang to complain, someone called Maureen said she would run to the Post Office with the correct one and I could keep the cream. Wonderful! And you know I never say that.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2193982/LIZ-JONES-FASHION-THERAPY-A-confidence-coach-latest-A-list-accessory-So-happened-eternally-angst-ridden-columnist-met-one.html#ixzz24kqvdvR4

Hipster_Nebula wrote:Wow! Was she nude.

I will have to track that down.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Hipster_Nebula wrote:Wow! Was she nude.

I will have to track that down.

Nude apart from a well positioned plant. And big wellies. I reckon it'll turn you on.

I’ve just calculated I’ve spent £157,115 on waxing in my lifetime — and the time it takes to attend appointments every two or three weeks.