agony uncle y2johnny in the house mother funkys

boltonbonce wrote:Police preparing for action in the Tootal Drive area of Salford. Avoid the area.

I can help with that

Seems like they went overboard on the last foreign recruitment drive though

Yes. The Chief constable only asked one of his men to go out and get him a Chinese.

Dear Johnny 
I have 2 problems. The first is I am in love with my girlfriends sister, she has recently seperated from her husband and keeps coming round for chats while my girlfriend is at work. We have grown very close. 
My 2nd problem is I believe my girlfriend is spying on what i look at on the internet. How can i stop her being such a nosey bitch.

I'm off to bed you lunatics.
Hope Banksy sorts out his problem.
Roger his friend I mean.
That one.

easy this Barb
1. get her shagged quick smart
2.  go incognito online

piece of piss this agony uncle stuff 

Night Bonce!

Night Bonce 

Norpig wrote:easy this Barb
1. get her shagged quick smart
2.  go incognito online

piece of piss this agony uncle stuff 

Oi, this has been my lifes calling for 8 hours, stop stealing my thunder

Banks of the Croal wrote:On a serious note, I have this friend called Roger but he's started to be a bit of a twat.

He never seems to be away from my house lately,  sometimes he's waiting for me when I get back from the Pub and starts telling me I drink too much and should stop in more.

How can I tell him to Fuck Off, without hurting his  feelings.

Dirty protest

Put nutella down your under crackers and next time he is round put your hand down and start to eat it. Bye bye roger

Barb Dwyer wrote:Dear Johnny 
I have 2 problems. The first is I am in love with my girlfriends sister, she has recently seperated from her husband and keeps coming round for chats while my girlfriend is at work. We have grown very close. 
My 2nd problem is I believe my girlfriend is spying on what i look at on the internet. How can i stop her being such a nosey bitch.

Ignore norpig

He isnt qualified

The thing to do is;

1. get her shagged quick smart
2.  go incognito online

Uncle Johnny, I need your help!

I am a 45 year old man and until recently, I always considered myself to be "normal" (apart from having an unusually small head for an adult human male - honestly, it's tiny but that's not what I'm contacting you about).

However, I have recently developed an infatuation with well known TV weather lady Carol Kirkwood.

She's got massive knockers and I think that may be part of her appeal but I think there's more to it than that.

I first noticed Carol a few months back when I got up extra early one morning because I that bastard next door was playing his drums at six AM and I couldn't sleep.

I turned my telly box on and BOOM!, there she was.

It was love at first site and I now can't leave the house until BBC Breakfast's finished because I have to watch all her weather bulletins because she's so perfect and lovely.

And this is causing a problem because I think my wife is starting to smell a rat.

I think she knew something was up when I got her in the bedroom and asked her to dress up like Carol and tell me it was going to be sunny all week in a sing-song Scottish accent (which she can't do - she's rubbish at accents) because she called me a weirdo and kicked me in the nuts.

My dilemma is this: Do I bin my wife of 15 years and make a move on Carol or do I try and forget her and stick with the wife?

I'm erring towards putting all my eggs in Carol's basket because she's just soooo lovely, but Mrs B is quite good at cooking and stuff and she no longer laughs at my abnormally small head, so I'm still trying to decide what to do.

(And also I don't really like the way Carol calls that twat Bill Turnbull "Billy" and smiles at him, as he may turn out to be a rival for Carol's affections and I don't want to have to fight him because I've heard he does Ju Jitsu.)

Help me Uncle Johnny!!

PS:

Here's a pic of Carol and her knockers.

See what I mean?

she is a MILF! My favourite weather lady is on ITV, Lucy Verasamy, she is gorgeous

Norpig wrote:she is a MILF! My favourite weather lady is on ITV, Lucy Verasamy, she is gorgeous

Oy!

Hands off!

Carol's mine.

Breadman wrote:Uncle Johnny, I need your help!

I am a 45 year old man and until recently, I always considered myself to be "normal" (apart from having an unusually small head for an adult human male - honestly, it's tiny but that's not what I'm contacting you about).

However, I have recently developed an infatuation with well known TV weather lady Carol Kirkwood.

She's got massive knockers and I think that may be part of her appeal but I think there's more to it than that.

I first noticed Carol a few months back when I got up extra early one morning because I that bastard next door was playing his drums at six AM and I couldn't sleep.

I turned my telly box on and BOOM!, there she was.

It was love at first site and I now can't leave the house until BBC Breakfast's finished because I have to watch all her weather bulletins because she's so perfect and lovely.

And this is causing a problem because I think my wife is starting to smell a rat.

I think she knew something was up when I got her in the bedroom and asked her to dress up like Carol and tell me it was going to be sunny all week in a sing-song Scottish accent (which she can't do - she's rubbish at accents) because she called me a weirdo and kicked me in the nuts.

My dilemma is this: Do I bin my wife of 15 years and make a move on Carol or do I try and forget her and stick with the wife?

I'm erring towards putting all my eggs in Carol's basket because she's just soooo lovely, but Mrs B is quite good at cooking and stuff and she no longer laughs at my abnormally small head, so I'm still trying to decide what to do.

(And also I don't really like the way Carol calls that twat Bill Turnbull "Billy" and smiles at him, as he may turn out to be a rival for Carol's affections and I don't want to have to fight him because I've heard he does Ju Jitsu.)

Help me Uncle Johnny!!

Dear Greencapriman  (sluffy has put the whole site on carb free)

Firstly thanks for the pic of Carol, she is certainly what we would call a gilf.  (it's a technical term)

What you need to really think about is if the feelings are reciprocated, can you go through trying to get her to stop taking the piss out of your extremely small head constantly.

might be best to just consider EMW's

Yours

UNc y2

Norpig wrote:she is a MILF! My favourite weather lady is on ITV, Lucy Verasamy, she is gorgeous

Now this is the most sensible post on here!

karlypants wrote:

i see the black bombs have taken there toll on scott

Breadman wrote:Uncle Johnny, I need your help!

I am a 45 year old man and until recently, I always considered myself to be "normal" (apart from having an unusually small head for an adult human male - honestly, it's tiny but that's not what I'm contacting you about).

However, I have recently developed an infatuation with well known TV weather lady Carol Kirkwood.

She's got massive knockers and I think that may be part of her appeal but I think there's more to it than that.

I first noticed Carol a few months back when I got up extra early one morning because I that bastard next door was playing his drums at six AM and I couldn't sleep.

I turned my telly box on and BOOM!, there she was.

It was love at first site and I now can't leave the house until BBC Breakfast's finished because I have to watch all her weather bulletins because she's so perfect and lovely.

And this is causing a problem because I think my wife is starting to smell a rat.

I think she knew something was up when I got her in the bedroom and asked her to dress up like Carol and tell me it was going to be sunny all week in a sing-song Scottish accent (which she can't do - she's rubbish at accents) because she called me a weirdo and kicked me in the nuts.

My dilemma is this: Do I bin my wife of 15 years and make a move on Carol or do I try and forget her and stick with the wife?

I'm erring towards putting all my eggs in Carol's basket because she's just soooo lovely, but Mrs B is quite good at cooking and stuff and she no longer laughs at my abnormally small head, so I'm still trying to decide what to do.

(And also I don't really like the way Carol calls that twat Bill Turnbull "Billy" and smiles at him, as he may turn out to be a rival for Carol's affections and I don't want to have to fight him because I've heard he does Ju Jitsu.)

Help me Uncle Johnny!!

With you all the way on this one - I am completely mesmerized by her bazongas. I can't face the day until I've had my fix at 6.50.