Bonce's own personal thread. Volume II

Such a typical way for them to go out.

Poor Brucie...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3265587/Sir-Bruce-Forsyth-hospitalised-following-fall.html

karlypants wrote:Poor Brucie...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3265587/Sir-Bruce-Forsyth-hospitalised-following-fall.html

 it was the shock of seeing Boncey peering through his living room window that caused it 

Norpig wrote:

karlypants wrote:Poor Brucie...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3265587/Sir-Bruce-Forsyth-hospitalised-following-fall.html

 it was the shock of seeing Boncey peering through his living room window that caused it 

I knew I shouldn't have given Bonce Bruceys address....

Came across this on t'Internet this morning written by an American visiting England and found it quite amusing. It's long but worth a read. He would probably need to revise the bits about guns if he'd visited Little Hulton.

I was in England again a few weeks ago, mostly in small towns, but here's some of what I noticed:
* Almost everyone is very polite
* The food is generally outstanding
* There are no guns
* There are too many narrow stairs
* Everything is just a little bit different
* The pubs close too early
* The reason they drive on the left is because all their cars are built backwards
* Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms. 
* You'd better like peas, potatoes and sausage 
* Refrigerators and washing machines are very small
* Everything is generally older, smaller and shorter
* People don't seem to be afraid of their neighbors or the government
* Their paper money makes sense, the coins don't
* Everyone has a washing machine but driers are rare 
* Hot and cold water faucets. Remember them?
* Pants are called "trousers", underwear are "pants" and sweaters are "jumpers"
* The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling
* "Fanny" is a naughty word, as is "shag"
* All the signs are well designed with beautiful typography and written in full sentences with proper grammar.
* There's no dress code 
* Doors close by themselves, but they don't always open
* They eat with their forks upside down
* The English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are about cars
* They don't seem to use facecloths or napkins or maybe they’re just less messy than we are
* The wall outlets all have switches, some don't do anything
* There are hardly any cops or police cars
* 5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of rocks all over, but no one is sure why
* When you do see police they seem to be in male & female pairs and often smiling 
* Black people are just people: they didn't quite do slavery here
* Everything comes with chips, which are French Fries. You put vinegar on them
* Cookies are "biscuits" and potato chips are "crisps"
* HP sauce is better then catsup
* Obama is considered a hero, Bush is considered an idiot. 
* After fish and chips, curry is the most popular food 
* The water controls in showers need detailed instructions
* They will boil anything
* Folks don't always lock their bikes
* It's not unusual to see people dressed different and speaking different languages
* Your electronic devices will work fine with just a plug adapter
* Nearly everyone is better educated then we are
* If someone buys you a drink you must do the same
* There are no guns
* Look right, walk left. Again; look right, walk left. You're welcome. 
* Avoid British wine and French beer
* It's not that hard to eat with the fork in your left hand with a little practice. If you don't, everyone knows you're an American 
* Many of the roads are the size of our sidewalks
* There's no AC
* Instead of turning the heat up, you put on a jumper
* Gas is "petrol", it costs about $6 a gallon and is sold by the liter
* If you speed on a  motorway, you get a ticket. Period. Always
* You don't have to tip, really!
* Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries
* Only 14% of Americans have a passport, almost everyone in the UK does
* You pay the price marked on products because the taxes (VAT) are built in 
* Walking is the national pastime 
* Their TV looks and sounds much better then ours
* They took the street signs down during WWII, but haven't put them all back up yet 
* Everyone enjoys a good joke
* There are no guns
* Dogs are very well behaved and welcome everywhere
* There are no window screens
* You can get on a bus and end up in Paris
* Everyone knows more about our history then we do
* Radio is still a big deal. The BBC is quite good
* The newspapers can be awful 
* Everything costs the same but our money is worth less so you have to add 50% to the price to figure what you're paying
* Beer comes in large, completely filled, actual pint glasses and the closer the brewery the better the beer
* Butter and eggs aren't refrigerated
* The beer isn't warm, each style is served at the proper temperature 
* Cider (alcoholic) is quite good.
* Excess cider consumption can be very painful.
* The universal greeting is "Cheers" (pronounced "cheeahz" unless you are from Cornwall, in which case it's "chairz")
* The money is easy to understand: 1-2-5-10-20-50 pence, £1-£2 coins and £5-£10, etc bills. There are no quarters. 
* Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly money
* Cars don't have bumper stickers
* Many doorknobs, buildings and tools are older than America
* By law, there are no crappy, old cars
* When the sign says something was built in 456, they didn't lose the "1"
* Cake is is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for desert is pudding, even pudding
* BBC 4 is NPR
* Everything closes by 1800 (6pm)
* Very few people smoke, those who do often roll their own
* You're defined by your accent
* No one in Cornwall knows what the hell a Cornish Game Hen is
* Football is a religion, religion is a sport
* Europeans dress better then the British, we dress worse 
* The trains work: a three minute delay is regrettable
* Drinks don't come with ice 
* There are far fewer fat English people 
* There are a lot of healthy old folks around participating in life instead of hiding at home watching tv
* If you're over 60, you get free tv and bus and rail passes. 
* They don't use Bose anything anywhere
* Displaying your political or religious affiliation is considered very bad taste
* Every pub seems to have a pet drunk
* Their healthcare works, but they still bitch about it
* Cake is one of the major food groups 
* Their coffee is mediocre but the tea is wonderful
* There are still no guns
* Towel warmers!
* Cheers

Absolute radio are running a competition, people had to get a celeb to call in, then some celebs chosen, 5 of them, and it goes to public vote, whoever wins gets £10k to the person who got celeb to call in, and £10k to celebs charity of choice...the reason I am telling you this, in amongst the nonentities, is Sir Bruce Forsyth. Lets do it for boncey....

http://absoluteradio.co.uk/competitions/whos-calling-christian.html

Poor Brucie is otherwise engaged after his fall. Get well soon Sir Bruce.

He needs to be more careful.

Like me.

Enjoyed that list,'58. Nice find.

I'm putting bloody bookshelves together. Pain in the arse.

Flatpack will be the death of me.

boltonbonce wrote:I'm putting bloody bookshelves together. Pain in the arse.

Flatpack will be the death of me.

i don't mind putting up flat pack stuff!  as long as they come with the tools and instructions..................and the missus goes out for a couple of hours

even me, the well known DIY disaster zone can manage Ikea billy bookcases 

Some strange bastards knocking about.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-34514939

boltonbonce wrote:Some strange bastards knocking about.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-34514939

Anyone seen magoo

Worrying times.

I didn't read the article but can only imagine he got it rammed all the way up his arse.

Love the caption the BBC created "Fair Game"

Yes. Don't think it would have mattered to scumbags like this,that he was a sex offender.

They'd have treated any old or vulnerable man/woman in the same way. 

They'd steal the pennies off a dead man's eyes.

remember Ibrahim Sonko? The Reading scourge. He is plying his trade for Harlow now, that's right, Harlow, in the Ryman league, 49 places below Bath City but winning 1 nil at HT in the FA cup 3QR replay

Nigel Owens. Love it.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-34527534