Bonce's own personal thread. Volume IX

Tex could have done stand up.

I've been confronted by a family member regarding my google search history. 
This won't surprise anyone on here, but this time, I found myself at a loss to explain myself.
The search was 'famous people being handed coconuts'.
There must have been a reason for my search, but I'm blowed if I can remember what it was. 
At least they didn't find anything dodgy.

Perhaps you went coconutty?

karlypants wrote:Perhaps you went coconutty?

I was probably pissed.

And don't get all superior, KP. 
I'm pretty sure we'd find 'cat with melon on its head' somewhere on your list.

boltonbonce wrote:And don't get all superior, KP. 
I'm pretty sure we'd find 'cat with melon on its head' somewhere on your list.

Not been up long this morning. Got woken up at ten to four by the thieving git trying to nick the Yorkshire stone flags outside.

If it's not bolted down they'll have it!

karlypants wrote:Not been up long this morning. Got woken up at ten to four by the thieving git trying to nick the Yorkshire stone flags outside.

If it's not bolted down they'll have it!

Did you chase them off?

Norpig wrote:

karlypants wrote:Not been up long this morning. Got woken up at ten to four by the thieving git trying to nick the Yorkshire stone flags outside.

If it's not bolted down they'll have it!

Did you chase them off?

Well funnily enough, I woke up for a piss and got back in bed and had this feeling something wasn't right. Heard a dodgy noise outside so checked the cameras on my phone and darted to the window.

I think I woke next door up shouting at him through it. He then scarpered off.

I wouldn't have looked good chasing after them in my boxers and my covid bump.

The twats will have anything!

New season ticket arrived in my inbox minutes ago.

karlypants wrote:I wouldn't have looked good chasing after them in my boxers and my covid bump.

What is a Covid bump?

Natasha Whittam wrote:

karlypants wrote:I wouldn't have looked good chasing after them in my boxers and my covid bump.

What is a Covid bump?

The beer belly that grew through Covid.

karlypants wrote:The beer belly that grew through Covid.

I get you. I thought you were pregnant and were calling the baby 'Covid'.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

karlypants wrote:The beer belly that grew through Covid.

I get you. I thought you were pregnant and were calling the baby 'Covid'.

I’m not Trans

I was unfortunate enough to catch a portion of GB News this morning, and was horrified to discover that one time ITV stalwart Alastair Stewart appears to have morphed into a febrile Dame Hilda Bracket.
The station appears to be a sort of Poundland Fox News, with some extraordinary coves appearing on camera, including, believe it or not, Neil Hamilton.
I switched to Britbox and watched Worzle Gummidge. He'd lost his thinking head.
A situation not unknown within the Conservative Party.

boltonbonce wrote:I switched to Britbox and watched Worzle Gummidge. He'd lost his thinking head.

Well you clearly didn't find it.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Well you clearly didn't find it.

 Bitch!