HomeSome good stuff on here this week. I'm sending them to Brucie.
Joke Thread
+45
Bwfc1958
Pevensey Pete
Bollotom2014
Boggersbelief
boltonbonce
NickFazer
Soul Kitchen
karlypants
Culcheth_White
Lofty_Love
scottjames30
Triumph
Sgt. Bash
Leeds_Trotter
rammywhite
terenceanne
Lyric Todkill
JonnyRandom
MartinBWFC
Angry Dad
LeedsWanderer
WhiteBic
Reebok_Rebel
BoltonTillIDie
Copper Dragon
Whatsupdoc
Numpty 28723
doffcocker
Mr Magoo
Bolton Nuts
xmiles
jayjay23
Natasha Whittam
Spillthebeans
trotter1948
gloswhite
Quent
Sluffy
largehat
Banks of the Croal
bwfc71
Keegan
wanderlust
aaron_bwfc
Reebok Trotter
49 posters
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Message [Page 49 of 50]
962 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 15 2016, 13:17
Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
Two female teachers took a group of students from years 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Haydock Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry.
As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in year 3?
'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.'
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry.
As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in year 3?
'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.'
964 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 11:08
Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them;
They could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said “Hang on, I have an idea.”
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said “Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!”
Murphy replied, “Don't worry - just follow me.”
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said “Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!”
Murphy replied, with a smile. “Don't worry; I have a plan, Cheers!”
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.”
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said “Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!”
Murphy said, “How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in."
They could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said “Hang on, I have an idea.”
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said “Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!”
Murphy replied, “Don't worry - just follow me.”
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said “Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!”
Murphy replied, with a smile. “Don't worry; I have a plan, Cheers!”
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, “OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.”
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said “Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!”
Murphy said, “How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in."
965 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 11:08
Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
My missus packed my bags and as I walked out of the front door,she screamed,"I wish you a slow and painful death,you bastard" "Oh,"I replied,"So now you want me to fucking stay!"..
966 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 11:13
boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Stop making me laugh. I'm supposed to be weeding the garden. 
967 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 11:22
Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
I hope you're not using any dangerous tools. You're half way through the week and have so far avoided a trip to a&e. Don't take any unnecessary risks. 
968 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 12:20
boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
It's tough out there. But I never give up.Bwfc1958 wrote:I hope you're not using any dangerous tools. You're half way through the week and have so far avoided a trip to a&e. Don't take any unnecessary risks.
969 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 13:57
whatsgoingon
Frank Worthington
A man answers a knock at his front door and when he opens it he sees a snail on the doorstep looking up at him, he bends down and picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
2 years later there's a knock at his door and when he he opens it he sees the snail on the doorstep who looks up at him and says "what was all that about"
2 years later there's a knock at his door and when he he opens it he sees the snail on the doorstep who looks up at him and says "what was all that about"
971 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 14:13
karlypants
Nat Lofthouse
Posts : 38153
Join date : 2012-08-04
whatsgoingon wrote:A man answers a knock at his front door and when he opens it he sees a snail on the doorstep looking up at him, he bends down and picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
2 years later there's a knock at his door and when he he opens it he sees the snail on the doorstep who looks up at him and says "what was all that about"
972 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 14:27
Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
Mick and Paddy are out hunting pheasant when they meet the farmers daughter sitting there naked enjoying the sun.
Paddy says "are you game?"
She says "I sure am baby"
So Mick shot her...
Paddy says "are you game?"
She says "I sure am baby"
So Mick shot her...
973 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 14:30
Bwfc1958
Tinned Toms - You know it makes sense!
The police came to the front door last night holding a picture of the wife,
The officer said..."Is this your wife Sir?"
Shocked, I said, "Yes"
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus.!!"
I said."I know but she takes it up the arse, and she's good with the kids...."
The officer said..."Is this your wife Sir?"
Shocked, I said, "Yes"
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus.!!"
I said."I know but she takes it up the arse, and she's good with the kids...."
974 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 14:34
whatsgoingon
Frank Worthington
Bwfc1958 wrote:The police came to the front door last night holding a picture of the wife,
The officer said..."Is this your wife Sir?"
Shocked, I said, "Yes"
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus.!!"
I said."I know but she takes it up the arse, and she's good with the kids...."
975 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 14:38
karlypants
Nat Lofthouse
Posts : 38153
Join date : 2012-08-04
Bwfc1958 wrote:The police came to the front door last night holding a picture of the wife,
The officer said..."Is this your wife Sir?"
Shocked, I said, "Yes"
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus.!!"
I said."I know but she takes it up the arse, and she's good with the kids...."
some good jokes today!976 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 14:42
whatsgoingon
Frank Worthington
Little Tommy went in the bathroom while his mum was in the bath, when he saw her he pointed between her legs and said whats that?
his mum embarrassed and not knowing what to say said it's where you're dad hit me with an axe,
to which Tommy replied what a shot, right in the cunt
his mum embarrassed and not knowing what to say said it's where you're dad hit me with an axe,
to which Tommy replied what a shot, right in the cunt
977 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 14:50
Guest
Guest
A Scottish man walked into a bar, there used to be an English man, Irish man and Welsh man in this joke but they are all in France.
978 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jun 22 2016, 14:53
whatsgoingon
Frank Worthington
Barb Dwyer wrote:A Scottish man walked into a bar, there used to be an English man, Irish man and Welsh man in this joke but they are all in France.
979 Re: Joke Thread Fri Jun 24 2016, 13:28
Boggersbelief
Nat Lofthouse
Brexit - What a fat bitch from Barnsley does when she sits on a plastic garden chair.
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