Maybe this isn't the place to ask, but has anyone had any issues seeing their kids?

I could do with some advice before going to the courts. that's all.

Ive found a new Girlfriend and its going well - so I recently met my sons mother and told her, shes now going nuts and has not let me see him for 2 weeks. I don't think shes going to relent either.

I pay child support (not through the CSA although Im feeling its going that way now)

I am on the birth certificate.

The Kid was born in June 2011 meaning I have 'parental rights' but apparently these mean bugger all as the courts always favor the mother.

Just wondered if anyone has/is in the same boat?

If you don't want to discuss it on an open forum, feel free to PM me.

Any advice would be appreciated.

What I did in similar circumstances was to contact the CSA and find out from them how much I would have to pay. I then contacted the ex and told her that I would pay her an amount in excess of that but if she stopped me from seeing my child I would pay her nothing until to CSA got around to dealing with me - which back then was months and months - and even then she would be worse off because she would only get the CSA rate and not what I would have been paying.

It worked a treat and I never had access problems to my daughter from then on.

I paid her every weekly at the same time I picked up my daughter - in that way she had to let me see her, or she didn't get paid.

I guess it depends on you and your ex's financial circumstances as to whether this way would be of any help to you and you also have to stomach that you are paying (in my case considerably) extra to see your own child but I never regretted a penny of it - you only have one chance to see your child grow and to be there with her.

I don't know how the courts are these days but I did check out going down that way and my solicitor told me to save my money and not to bother - the bottom line being that no matter what court orders you get if the ex doesn't want you to see the child you won't - they aren't going to send her to jail for being difficult are they.

The best bit of advice I can give is no matter how hurt or angry you are, be civil at all times with your ex, if she is pissed off with you it's hardly going to make her want to play ball with you.

At the end of the day - I saw my daughter grow up, my life has turned out good whilst the ex's has not - karma perhaps - certainly feels that way to me.

Certainly hope things sort themselves out the way you want them too.

Personally I would stop paying her (but keep in a pot) until you get to see your child. The only way she can legally stop you is if you are a danger to the child. (I think)

I do think she'll most likely calm down and see sense and see what is best for your daughter - Kids are not weapons after all.

thanks sluffy.

I have a meeting with a solicitor at 2 today, things are moving fast.

Ive been advised to write a letter to her outlining what I would like to do regarding access and payments and offer her a chance of an amicable resolution.

I do pay her more than the CSA would want, but shes on benefits anyway so is not bothered about losing the money that much I don't think.

And BTID - trust me, kids can make great weapons... regretfully.

Reebok_Rebel wrote:
And BTID - trust me, kids can make great weapons... regretfully.

I know

Reebok_Rebel wrote:thanks sluffy.

I have a meeting with a solicitor at 2 today, things are moving fast.

Ive been advised to write a letter to her outlining what I would like to do regarding access and payments and offer her a chance of an amicable resolution.

I do pay her more than the CSA would want, but shes on benefits anyway so is not bothered about losing the money that much I don't think.

And BTID - trust me, kids can make great weapons... regretfully.

I paid her the extra in her hand - kept her sweet - as I said paid her a week at a time, so I had nothing to lose if she fucked me over seeing my daughter - but she had!

I also suggest asking the solicitor if he is a specialist in family law - as they deal with these things daily and are better placed to advice you. I could have ended up paying a fortune in legal fees but my solicitor back then did the best by me instead of earning a fee for himself.

RR sounds like she's got a bit peavish because you appear to have moved on and found yourself somebody else? Kids are a great weapon for use in the wrong hands! I have never been in the same predicament as you fortunately, however Sluffy's words seem quite sensible and being civil and not being dragged down to a level is the most logical advice.

One of my girls works at the CSA, if you want any info on the matter PM me and I'll see what info I can glean from her rather than in open discussion on here.

I do hope you are not caused too much stress by what's going on and you can copecomfortably.

Take care.

Sluffy wrote:

Reebok_Rebel wrote:thanks sluffy.

I have a meeting with a solicitor at 2 today, things are moving fast.

Ive been advised to write a letter to her outlining what I would like to do regarding access and payments and offer her a chance of an amicable resolution.

I do pay her more than the CSA would want, but shes on benefits anyway so is not bothered about losing the money that much I don't think.

And BTID - trust me, kids can make great weapons... regretfully.

I paid her the extra in her hand - kept her sweet - as I said paid her a week at a time, so I had nothing to lose if she fucked me over seeing my daughter - but she had!

I also suggest asking the solicitor if he is a specialist in family law - as they deal with these things daily and are better placed to advice you. I could have ended up paying a fortune in legal fees but my solicitor back then did the best by me instead of earning a fee for himself.

Yes, My solicitor is private and im not getting any legal aid (Im lucky enough to be in a position where I can pay if i have to - and I will as its my son) He is a specialist family lawyer and was introduced to me by a good friends father - who happens to be a barrister.

Soul Kitchen wrote:RR sounds like she's got a bit peavish because you appear to have moved on and found yourself somebody else? Kids are a great weapon for use in the wrong hands! I have never been in the same predicament as you fortunately, however Sluffy's words seem quite sensible and being civil and not being dragged down to a level is the most logical advice.

One of my girls works at the CSA, if you want any info on the matter PM me and I'll see what info I can glean from her rather than in open discussion on here.

I do hope you are not caused too much stress by what's going on and you can copecomfortably.

Take care.

Thanks, I have already spoken to the CSA and believe it or not, she is entitled to nothing! Due to her benefits and the fact I have him 2 nights a week - provided shes still letting me see him, If not im liable for the full payments pending a courts decision.

Before falling pregnant, she actually worked for the CSA herself so knows her stuff, hence why ive gone to them myself and made enquirers.

Why would your ex go bonkers just becasuse you have a new chick?

I don't think you're giving us the full story. Mr Amos wouldn't make that mistake.

Natasha Whittam wrote:Why would your ex go bonkers just becasuse you have a new chick?

I don't think you're giving us the full story. Mr Amos wouldn't make that mistake.

what?

no - this is actually the full story.

Ive simply asked for some advice, there is no juicy gossip or wumming opportunities here.

But why has your ex gone bonkers just because you have a new lady friend? Why does she care?

Natasha Whittam wrote:But why has your ex gone bonkers just because you have a new lady friend? Why does she care?

I think we all know the answer to that.

Nat is abit thick like that.

Reebok_Rebel wrote:

I think we all know the answer to that.

You think you're some great catch and your ex wants you all to herself?

Nat, if you have nothing but trolling and wummery to add to the conversation - fuck off.

your funny most of the time but this is not a joking matter.

Mr Amos, may have done in the past, but nowhere near as much nowadays.

Reebok_Rebel wrote:Nat, if you have nothing but trolling and wummery to add to the conversation - fuck off.

your funny most of the time but this is not a joking matter.

Fuck off yourself Rebel you attention seeking arsehole.

So let's look at the facts. You have a good job, bit of cash, nice car etc. Your ex lives on benefits so is probably living in a council flat or some equally rubbish place.

She sees you with your new girlfriend, probably splashing the cash a bit to impress her. Nice meal, days out etc. She probably can't afford to do these sorts of things. Plus she has to look after your kid 5 days a week.

I can see why she might be pissed off - and threatening to cut off access to your kid is her only way of hurting you - rightly or wrongly.

When two people decide to have a child it should be a long term commitment - not only to the kid but to each other. I don't care if two parents can't stand the sight of each other, they should stick together until their children are 18.

Dress it up all you like, but you're being selfish.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

Reebok_Rebel wrote:Nat, if you have nothing but trolling and wummery to add to the conversation - fuck off.

your funny most of the time but this is not a joking matter.

Fuck off yourself Rebel you attention seeking arsehole.

So let's look at the facts. You have a good job, bit of cash, nice car etc. Your ex lives on benefits so is probably living in a council flat or some equally rubbish place.

She sees you with your new girlfriend, probably splashing the cash a bit to impress her. Nice meal, days out etc. She probably can't afford to do these sorts of things. Plus she has to look after your kid 5 days a week.

I can see why she might be pissed off - and threatening to cut off access to your kid is her only way of hurting you - rightly or wrongly.

When two people decide to have a child it should be a long term commitment - not only to the kid but to each other. I don't care if two parents can't stand the sight of each other, they should stick together until their children are 18.

Dress it up all you like, but you're being selfish.

your trolling for a reaction. so il give you one...

you said...

Fuck off yourself Rebel you attention seeking arsehole: if anybody is an attention seeking arsehole its you, your a man pretending to be a 'posh, rich, pretty woman.

So let's look at the facts. You have a good job, bit of cash, nice car etc. Your ex lives on benefits so is probably living in a council flat or some equally rubbish place: Not Exactly, yes I have a good job, but the ex actually has more money now than she did when she was working, I pay considerably above and beyond what the CSA would specify I pay, she also gets the usual benefits any single mother has. When she got her house, she had to buy, kitchen Equipment, a cooker, carpets, paint/wallpaper, a sofa, a TV, a bed and my sons bedroom furniture - I also paid for all this. she is not THAT bad off, only as bad off as somebody who earns the UK national average wage. I also buy most of my sons clothes and shoes. Im not a bum dad and never will be.

I can see why she might be pissed off - and threatening to cut off access to your kid is her only way of hurting you - rightly or wrongly.: true, but im sure you will agree, its wrong to use a child as a weapon?

When two people decide to have a child it should be a long term commitment - not only to the kid but to each other. I don't care if two parents can't stand the sight of each other, they should stick together until their children are 18.: im not the first, nor will I be the last father to split up with the mother of my child, sometimes things happen that determine staying together is not an option for them. As a virgin who has never had sex I wouldn't expect you to know. The split was as amicable as it could be given the circumstances - we also, at the time both agreed it was the best thing, both for us and our child. no child wants constantly arguing parents.

Dress it up all you like, but you're being selfish.: no im not, dads who don't give a fuck are selfish. I make a lot of sacrifices for my son and wouldn't want it any other way, its not his fault that his mum and dad don't get on anymore. Also, I feel setting her up with a house and the essentials is not a thing a selfish person would do.

I was right though.

Maybe a forum Frequented by Mr Whittam wasn't the best place to ask for some advice or get hold of somebody who had been through the same.