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Just been announced that people returning from Iceland will need to self isolate for 14 days, bit harsh, I only went in for some chips.
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Message [Page 8 of 13]
143 Re: Joke Thread Wed Sep 30 2020, 16:51
Sluffy
Admin
MartinBWFC wrote:Just been announced that people returning from Iceland will need to self isolate for 14 days, bit harsh, I only went in for some chips.
Boo, get off!!!
144 Re: Joke Thread Wed Sep 30 2020, 16:53
wanderlust
Nat Lofthouse
Snow White and the seven dwarfs go to see the pope. As Snow White talks to the pope, the dwarfs push Dopey in front and whisper, "Ask the question, Dopey, ask the question!" Dopey blushes, but the pope sees it and says, "Dopey, do you want to ask me a question?"
"Well, uhm... do you think they have nuns in Iceland?"
"Why sure", the pope goes, "I suppose there are some nuns in Iceland." But the dwarfs push Dopey in front again: "Ask the whole question, ask the whole question!" The pope sees it and says, "Dopey, do you want to ask me another question?"
"Yeah... do you think they have black nuns in Iceland?"
"I suppose there are some black nuns in iceland", answers the pope. "Ask the whole question, ask the whole question!" go the dwarfs. "Dopey, do you have another question for me?"
"Err, yes... do you think they have little black nuns in Iceland?"
The pope muses over this a bit, but finally decides "Nah... I really don't think they have little black nuns in Iceland."
And the dwarfs go: "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Well, uhm... do you think they have nuns in Iceland?"
"Why sure", the pope goes, "I suppose there are some nuns in Iceland." But the dwarfs push Dopey in front again: "Ask the whole question, ask the whole question!" The pope sees it and says, "Dopey, do you want to ask me another question?"
"Yeah... do you think they have black nuns in Iceland?"
"I suppose there are some black nuns in iceland", answers the pope. "Ask the whole question, ask the whole question!" go the dwarfs. "Dopey, do you have another question for me?"
"Err, yes... do you think they have little black nuns in Iceland?"
The pope muses over this a bit, but finally decides "Nah... I really don't think they have little black nuns in Iceland."
And the dwarfs go: "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin!"
145 Re: Joke Thread Wed Sep 30 2020, 17:05
boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Posts : 30761
Join date : 2013-10-05
Age : 70
Location : Pooh Corner
148 Re: Joke Thread Thu Oct 01 2020, 13:42
boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Posts : 30761
Join date : 2013-10-05
Age : 70
Location : Pooh Corner
I like that.
150 Re: Joke Thread Thu Oct 22 2020, 23:52
wanderlust
Nat Lofthouse
Boris needs to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"
Cashier: It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?
BJ: Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Boris Johnson, Prime Minister.
Cashier: Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.
BJ: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.
Cashier: I am sorry, Mr Johnson, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.
BJ: Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque.
Cashier: Alright sir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without an ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the Thames into a cup of tea held by the bank's chairman without spilling a drop. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.
Another time, Gordon Ramsay came in without an ID. To prove who he was, he made delicious chicken parm right here on my table, called the branch manager a fucking donkey, and fired everyone at the fish and chips joint next door. With that we knew who he was and cashed his cheque. So sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?
Johnson stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank. There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do."
Cashier: That will do just fine good sir, will that be large or small notes?
Cashier: It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?
BJ: Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Boris Johnson, Prime Minister.
Cashier: Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.
BJ: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.
Cashier: I am sorry, Mr Johnson, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.
BJ: Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque.
Cashier: Alright sir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without an ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the Thames into a cup of tea held by the bank's chairman without spilling a drop. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.
Another time, Gordon Ramsay came in without an ID. To prove who he was, he made delicious chicken parm right here on my table, called the branch manager a fucking donkey, and fired everyone at the fish and chips joint next door. With that we knew who he was and cashed his cheque. So sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?
Johnson stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank. There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do."
Cashier: That will do just fine good sir, will that be large or small notes?
151 Re: Joke Thread Fri Oct 23 2020, 09:09
boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Posts : 30761
Join date : 2013-10-05
Age : 70
Location : Pooh Corner
152 Re: Joke Thread Fri Oct 23 2020, 09:12
Norpig
Nat Lofthouse
Posts : 17527
Join date : 2012-11-30
Age : 52
Location : Burnage, Manchester
157 Re: Joke Thread Thu Nov 19 2020, 16:10
Sluffy
Admin
sunlight wrote:
What a way to earn a living.
Very good Dolly!
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