Nigerian Scouting thread.

who is responsable from bolton coach staff to use all this infomation from darequam ?

Mo wrote:who is responsable from bolton coach staff to use all this infomation from darequam ?

Mo, it's the tea lady.

Brother Dar, Just a quick one. Mr Crossley was very impressed with your contributions but after his stint in the ' Harare Hilton ' he has vowed never to set foot in Africa again. He is off to America tomorrow as he has some business to conclude with the Barings Bank in Baltimore. He has asked me whether you would prefer US Dollars instead of Naira ?

No P , I'll prefer U S dollars then as it can be converted to naira easily at the bank I'll take it from, Just send me the details as usual with my full name as the paid individual.

Brother Dar, Mr Crossley has gone to America and he has asked Mr Wakefield to take care of the payments on a " Quid Pro Bono " basis. The money will paid via Western Union but Mr Wakefield doesn't trust the fluctuation in the dollar so it will have to be Naira. Expect payment before the 1st May.

On a further positive note I have managed to secure the services of a further sponsor for May. Local Bolton Philanthropist, Mr Filbert Hazelnut, no less. Mr Hazelnut doesn't get to many games at the Reebok due to his failing eyesight but he has always been a big supporter of the Wanderers and is happy to assist you financially with your Extramural activities.

Sorry, but what is a " Quid Pro Bono " ?? Is it a very long proccess stuff ?

Don't worry because that's between Mr Wakefield and Mr Crossley. You will be paid via Western Union the same as before. As soon as I get confirmation I will PM you the code. All the information required will be the same as before.

Mr Hazelnut has been having a look at your contributions and he likes your style so May is covered from a financial point of view.

I,m just waiting for Mr Hazelnut to send me a photo and then I will introduce him as your sponsor for May.

Looks like there's one or two prospects, for sure. Just to let you know Dar, if you need to get out the Country fast.

Bolton have a contact in Lagos, you can find him in "The Flying Shuttle Bar"
Goes by the name "Hawkeyes Dundee". He'll See you right.

That's quite an impressive Picklestabber that Mr Dundee possesses.

Wer'e very lucky to have him on board, RT, he's actually a World famous Heart Transplant Surgeon.

Don't You Know.

Mr Hazelnut has just sent me a picture. It was taken after he was interviewed by Central TV in 2010 after finishing the Three Peaks challenge in a record time for an octogenarian.

Mr Hazelnut is a local character in Bolton. Born in Kurdistan in 1930, his parents were goat herders who tended their flocks on the slopes of the Tora Bora mountain range. At the outbreak of the 2nd World War in 1939, his parents were blown up by a cluster bomb and on becoming an orphan he was adopted by Herbert and Harriet Hazelnut who owned Roocrofts Confectioners in Bolton. In fact the idea for Roocrofts tics came about as a result of Filbert having his first hot bath.

On taking over the family business, Filbert invented the Topic chocolate bar with the catchy slogan, ' What has a Hazelnut in every bite ?' Having sold the franchise to Rowntrees he then invented acid drops which were very popular among the landed gentry. Years later they became known as Bhopal Fruits, ' Made to make your eyes water.'

Having branched out into the Bakery industry he created Mr Hazelnuts cakes specifically for bulemia sufferers. These were not very successful partly due to the slogan, ' Meet Mr Hazelnut. Mr Hazelnut makes exceedingly small cakes.' Having sold the franchise to Mr Rudyard Kipling he then retired from public life. He can be found at most home games sat in his seat in the West Stand lower sucking on a Fishermans Friend and berating Paul Robinson for conceding yet another goal. He still enjoys his football especially when Bolton score and he is looking forward to Brother Dar uncovering a nugget for us.


Mr Filbert Hazelnut

Reebok Trotter wrote:...who owned Roocrofts Confectioners in Bolton. In fact the idea for Roocrofts Tics came about...

Bit of trivia, my aunt once worked there!

hmmmmmm SMH !!

Brother Dar, I am expecting a missive in the morning ( May Day ) and as soon as I get the clearance I will send you a PM.

Expect around 12,000 Naira.

Okay sir !!!
Already on this month's job

Apologies for the delay with the readies. Mr Wakefield was out fell walking in the Norfolk fens and decided to pick a few field mushrooms. Later that night he sauteed them but he thinks he may have eaten a toadstool because he has been up all night with a bad case of the squitters. He has just had Imodium and a Norfolk Bloater with some pickled cabbage for his breakfast and he says he will be going to the bank this afternoon to sort out your wages.

sorry it took so long to come back here, there has been alot of issues in the past twoweeks.

I would like to use dis opportunity to thank Mr Crossely for his support in the payments of april's wages. also an extra one to Reebok Trotter who has always provided himself as a constant aid. I look forward to working with Mr hazzlenut this month and would send in my reprts as soon as they are ready.

Nigerianbolton wrote:sorry it took so long to come back here, there has been alot of issues in the past two weeks.

What issues have you faced Dar? Perhaps we can help?

I have some bad news to report. At 1.00pm today Mr Hazelnut was visited by his Zimbabwean carer, Florence Pandamatenga to give him his afternoon Tiffin. She found him in a collapsed unconscious condition clutching the remains of a Walnut whip.

He was rushed to St Barts Hospital but was pronounced dead on arrival by the resident Dermatologist, Dr Khan. The cause of death has been diagnosed as a nut allergy.

Funeral arrangements have yet to be finalised but it is anticipated that he will be cremated at Overdale in a praline lined coffin.

It would appear that Mr Hazelnut died intestate and his executors will therefore not be in a position to honour the agreement with regards to Dar's wages for May.

Rest assured, I will leave no stone unturned to find another sponsor as soon as is practicable and I will report back as soon as I have found a suitable candidate.

For anyone wishing to attend the service I have been told that it is family and friends only at this stage and all donations should be made to the Munchausen Foundation.

Wow... terrible news! My condolences to the Hazelnut family - always sad to see a fellow Wanderer make the transition.

R.I.P.

RIP Cob.