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Joke Thread

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181Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun Aug 26 2012, 13:10

Guest


Guest

I was chatting-up this young nurse when I asked, "Well, how do you like your eggs in the morning?"

"Unfertilised," she giggled.

Then she handed me the results of my sperm count.

182Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Sep 11 2012, 19:44

Reebok Trotter

Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

Where do gay Muslims go for sex ?.....................


Up a dark Ali.

183Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed Sep 12 2012, 19:44

Guest


Guest

A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.

He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over.

The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's ass was that eye staring right back at him.

"You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

184Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed Sep 12 2012, 19:45

Guest


Guest

When I was a boy, my mum would
send me down to the store with £1 and
come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of
bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese,
a box of tea bags and 6 eggs.
You can't do that these days.
Too many fucking security cameras!

185Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Wed Sep 12 2012, 20:00

Guest


Guest

Found out today that my penis is the same length as two of the pencils that they use in Argos, in other news I have been banned from Argos.

186Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 13 2012, 12:30

aaron_bwfc

aaron_bwfc
Moderator
Moderator

OneOinCoyle wrote:A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.

He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over.

The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's ass was that eye staring right back at him.

"You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

lol!

187Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 13 2012, 14:59

Keegan

Keegan
Admin

Well done, OOiC. Very Happy

https://forum.boltonnuts.co.uk

188Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 13 2012, 17:43

Guest


Guest

One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small medicine bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist."Could you taste this for me, please?"
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it. It tasted unpleasant.

"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.

"No, not at all," says the chemist, pulling a face.

"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."

189Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 13 2012, 17:51

Guest


Guest

I was standing in a bar in town yesterday and this little Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.
I said to him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"

He says "No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chineeese"?

"No", I say, "It's because you're drinking my beer you little prick".

190Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 13 2012, 19:48

BoltonTillIDie

BoltonTillIDie
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

OneOinCoyle wrote:I was standing in a bar in town yesterday and this little Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.
I said to him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"

He says "No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chineeese"?

"No", I say, "It's because you're drinking my beer you little prick".

Liked this one lol!

191Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 13 2012, 19:51

Reebok Trotter

Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

British Rail are lying buggers!

They say if you stand too close to the platform edge you'll get sucked off. Eight fcuking hours I've wasted today!

192Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 13 2012, 20:24

Guest


Guest

Scouse lad goes for a job at sea, the captain says, "have you any experience away at sea?" The lad replies,"No but I'm honest and hardworking." Captain takes him on and off they sail. After three weeks at sea the lad is busy swabbin the decks, when a big wave crashes over and sweeps the scouser overboard. The 1st mate runs to the Captain, "Captain, Captian, you know the scouse lad we took on, the one who said he was honest? Well hes just fucked off with your mop!"

193Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Tue Sep 25 2012, 15:58

MartinBWFC

MartinBWFC
Ivan Campo
Ivan Campo

Wiganer walks in to a vets office, Wiganer...... can you take a look at me cat? vet..... is it a Tom? Wiganer.... nah I browt it wi me

194Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 27 2012, 17:28

JonnyRandom

JonnyRandom
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly

*** not a racist joke before you get the wrong idea!! ***

The pope walks into a mosque. Muslims says "why the wrong faith?"

195Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 27 2012, 18:10

Guest


Guest

JonnyRandom wrote:*** not a racist joke before you get the wrong idea!! ***

The pope walks into a mosque. Muslims says "why the wrong faith?"

196Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Thu Sep 27 2012, 18:54

JonnyRandom

JonnyRandom
Tony Kelly
Tony Kelly

It made me giggle tbh! Shit jokes are the best jokes

197Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun Sep 30 2012, 11:12

wanderlust

wanderlust
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

was that a pun on "long face"?

Please tell me it wasn't.

198Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun Sep 30 2012, 11:22

gloswhite

gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Guðni Bergsson

Bloody hell JR, that was awful, but it got us talking Cool

199Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun Sep 30 2012, 12:30

Guest


Guest

Before me and the misses had sex last night she said "if you turn the light out I'll let you put it up my arse"

With hindsight I should have let the bulb cool down first.

200Joke Thread - Page 10 Empty Re: Joke Thread Sun Sep 30 2012, 16:34

Reebok Trotter

Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Nat Lofthouse

OneOinCoyle wrote:Before me and the misses had sex last night she said "if you turn the light out I'll let you put it up my arse"

With hindsight I should have let the bulb cool down first.

Razz

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