Joke Thread

The martial arts one is funny! LOLLD.

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Peadophile Tablets - Take one every morning before breakfast, keep out of reach of children at all times.

jayjay23 wrote:The martial arts one is funny! LOLLD.

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Peadophile Tablets - Take one every morning before breakfast, keep out of reach of children at all times.

Is that a government health warning ?

Please tell me you get it.

Was the label also written in French?

OneOinCoyle wrote:Before me and the misses had sex last night she said "if you turn the light out I'll let you put it up my arse"

With hindsight I should have let the bulb cool down first.

Apparently the screen on the new iPhone5 is so big you don't have to scroll down to see where Liverpool are in the league.

You need one of these to see where we are...

A Royal Marine has been stripped of his medals and thrown out of Afghanistan after testing positive for 4 banned substances.

Toothpaste, Mouthwash, Shampoo and Soap.

I went to a traffic wardens funeral yesterday. It was a lovely service but just as the coffin was being lowered into the ground a voice from inside shouted "I'm not dead yet". The vicar sucked his teeth and shouted back "it's to late ,I've already done the paperwork"

JJB go bust after launching the new "jimmy saville" tracksuit. Its an adult sized top, but you need to squeeze into kids bottoms!

Sick. Hang your head in shame.

Amir Khan has announced today that he is going to fight undefeated Carlos Molina. I thought the Joke Thread was the best place for this comment.

Did you know that 9/10 people enjoy Gang Rape!!

After the row about sponsorship from Wonga, Alan Pardew has told his players to concentrate on football and give 4229%.

BoltonTillIDie wrote:Did you know that 9/10 people enjoy Gang Rape!!

And the other 1% knew Jonathan King, Paul Gadd and Jimmy Savile.

Now on sale at IKEA in Ballymun, Dublin. LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove...

A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related...

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8....

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency...

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police womans uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day. Apparently, 'A meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number 69

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says
"I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick."
Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies "No I only live round the corner."

After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanics swimming pool was still full!

bwfc71 wrote:

BoltonTillIDie wrote:Did you know that 9/10 people enjoy Gang Rape!!

And the other 1% knew Jonathan King, Paul Gadd and Jimmy Savile.

Is that funny?

A woman runs into a police station shouting ' Grape, Grape!'

The copper behind the counter says, ' Madam, don't you mean rape?'

The woman replies, ' No, there was a bunch of them.'

Today my wife said she had a head cold. I said, " It's probably caused by you being overweight"

" How can being fat cause a cold ? " she asked.

I replied, " Because your head is never out of the fcuking fridge"